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Original poster

How much "time off" from your children do you get?

102 replies

YellowAndPinks · 02/07/2019 13:45

How much "time off" from your children do you get in a week? I have a six month old and I'm with her pretty relentlessly unless I'm staying with my parents who will then watch her for a couple of hours here and there. DH is supportive but works full time so in a week I'd say he might take her out by himself for an hour, then on a week where I'm seeing my parents my mum might have her for two hours and the rest of the time I'm with her. I love spending time with her but find it so so relentless and very tiring.

Would be interested to know what time off other people have and how they manage and feel about it. I will go back to work but not until she's one.

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DtPeabodysLoosePants · 02/07/2019 17:30

None at all at 6 months. Single mum to 3. No one to help.

CookPassBabtridge · 02/07/2019 17:47

Never. Me and DP have had one childless outing together in 5 years.. Little one starts nursery in April so we'll get some time then Smile

icannotremember · 02/07/2019 17:48

When I am at work or travelling to and from work. That's about it.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/07/2019 17:49

Those of you with a partner who say you never get time, do you mean time together? Or alone? If you never have time alone why not?

HettyStThomas · 02/07/2019 17:50

Probably 2 nights off a year. Our parents live hundreds of miles away. They'll have them once a year so we can attend a wedding or something. Otherwise it's all us/nursery/school.

DonPablo · 02/07/2019 17:51

We got very little when they were little, but it changes! Honestly... Just not very soon.

With my second I was desperate for time on my own. I think it's completely normal. If I had my time again I would be more open to leaving them at a gym creche or whatever gave me that time.

But at 15 my eldest would rather boil go's own head than spend too much time with me... He doesn't get up until 12 at the weekends! That time is coming quicker than you can imagine!

Ragwort · 02/07/2019 17:56

Not so relevant now that DS is 18 but I used to get quite a bit, joined a gym with a crèche, I always took time to do my own thing at weekends when DH was around, would go out on my own at least a couple of evenings, even if just for a long walk, used a childminder one morning a week even when a SAHM, got him into playgroup as early as possible, no family nearby but would pay a local teenager to babysit if we both wanted to go out together.

I agree that it’s very odd that mothers with a partner don’t get sometime to themselves. Don’t be a martyr.

HerRoyalNotness · 02/07/2019 17:56

My 2yo I get about 2 hrs in the week when I go to school to help at lunch. And after that I get time alone when they’re all in bed. It means I have to stay up a bit later but I need the time to recharge and peace before I can go to sleep

IntoValhalla · 02/07/2019 17:58

On the average week, pretty much none.
They are 4, 2 and I’m expecting DC3. They get up at stupid o clock most mornings, so my day begins at the crack of dawn.
DH is military, so I can go anything up to 6 months at a time flying solo - my parents live too far away to be of help on a day to day basis, so I’m very much on my own with the DCs a lot of the time.
The youngest one starts the night in his own bed, but most nights he ends up in with me, and he’s a restless sleeper, so I don’t even really get a break at night either.
A few times a year, I’ll make sure I can find a day that coincides with DH being home and not having any other plans, so I can go and do something either on my own or with friends, which is really nice! Feels more special and I appreciate it more because it’s a rare occurrence!

Ragwort · 02/07/2019 17:59

Another thing I did was have an arrangement with a local friend that she would have my DS if I wanted to do something and I would have her two when she wanted to go out. That developed into sleepovers as well so that neither of us needed to pay babysitters. The DC all loved playing together so it worked well. Obviously you need to be good friends and make sure neither is ‘taking advantage’.

NeatFreakMama · 02/07/2019 18:08

When he was a baby I got almost nothing and it felt relentless. I went back to work part-time when he was 7 months and slowly I've moved up to full-time the more I'm comfortable that he enjoys nursery. He's 20 months now and flying it so I have 9am - 5pm every day "off". We do also make sure through the year my DH and I have the odd weekend either alone together or separately so we feel like individuals or a couple rather than only mum and dad and that's brilliant. The older he gets the easier it is though, I love spending time with him now but honestly it was boring when he was a little baby.

LoisLittsLover · 02/07/2019 18:11

None until dd was 2 - shw was a total.boob monster so was quite tied! Now, aside from working, i get 1.5 hours per week at choir and 1.5 hrs on a sat morning. So not huge amounts

MotherTime3 · 02/07/2019 18:12

I work 30 hrs a week. Dh works opposite shifts to cover child care. He works the week, I work the weekends. We are either at work or with the kids. I call my 4 minute commute my me time.

MsMarvellous · 02/07/2019 18:25

My youngest starts school in September and I o my work 3 days self employed from home. I'll get tons then. But even before that my DH and I both make sure we each get time out on evenings etc for hobbies and things away from the kids so we both get our own time that isn't spent in work. Always have.

sar302 · 02/07/2019 19:05

At 6 months, very little. Now at 19 months quite a lot. He reliably goes to bed at 7pm, so I have every evening. He does two mornings a week at nursery - to help me maintain my sanity! And both me and my husband have days and evenings out with friends when the other one has DS. And we've had a few weekends away now, as we have very willing grandparent baby sitters.

The early months are relentless. I didn't particularly enjoy them, and it's one of the reasons we won't be having another.

alwayslearning789 · 02/07/2019 19:10

Lone parent from birth here...

Work was my 'time off' from the child and the commute was my 'me time'.

Studying for professional qualifications up to the DC's 3rd birthday as well.

I look back now and wonder how on earth I did it.

Do try and see if you can schedule some time, even if it's that one cup of tea before the household wakes up. It makes a difference.

Take heart, it does get better as they grow older:)

Help24 · 02/07/2019 19:12

O

Maybe 5 mins if i can get out to shop on my own. And i dont just have a toddler, for reasons not relevant to thread one doesnt attend school.
going for a whole evening out with friends in 2 weeks and i cant bloody wait.

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 02/07/2019 19:14

I go to work.

Sometimes I take the long way home in the car if I’m not on nursery drop off.

We do lots of stuff as a family at the weekend, and I feel very guilty if there are waking hours I have by myself not having children.

We have three children so just having 1:1 time means the other parent has it worse!

Fundays12 · 02/07/2019 19:19

We don’t get much time as a couple as the oldest has additional needs plus I work around dh so he has the kids when I am working. We don’t have a choice with this as no childcare provider will care for ds1 in the school holidays and he doesn’t cope with after school club. We do try get a night together but with md being so heavily pregnant and ill I am exhausted (hospitalised frequently) so dh has to help more at home than normal.

PaulinesPenStash · 02/07/2019 19:23

Your dh needs to give you a break at the weekends

Why isn't he? You sound exhausted, I know he works but looking after a 6 mo is relentless

avocuddl · 02/07/2019 19:24

Me and my DH take a morning each weekend, say I'll have Saturday morning and he'll have Sunday morning to do whatever we want alone- lie in/go to gym/get my hair cut etc. Saves my sanity

Celebelly · 02/07/2019 19:27

My DD is 4.5 months old. She goes to bed at 6:45 so I get evenings to myself/with DP. He also has her whenever I ask at weekends or after work, and he will often get up early and take her downstairs while I get some more sleep. At weekends he'll often take her 7-10ish so I can have a lie in as there's usually expressed milk in fridge.

We don't have any family around us so the only baby-free time outside of the house we can get is when my mum visits. But just the four or so hours in the evening when she's in bed before we go up make a huge difference!

Elliesmommy · 02/07/2019 19:33

Mine are in bed for 7pm every night. I have those few hours to myself. It is relentless yes but I'm sure there will be a time when they wont want to be around me!

Kashali · 02/07/2019 19:46

When they were babies, hardly any time at all. I was lucky that dh came in from work during middle of night so would do night feeds a few times a week and he looked after them whenever he was home.
We had no outside help and nurseries weren't about really, so we had to do it between us.

PleaseGoogleIt · 02/07/2019 19:47

On maternity leave I got no time, apart from the odd overnight from MIL.

Now my time away from DD is when I'm at work 4 days a week. I love it.

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