No idea what to do with DS (12) Dreading the summer holidays.

[sugarbum]

DS is 12. He has always been 'tricky' (which is code for really hard work)

He has never liked days out /activities and he has never had a close friendship with anyone. FWIW I believe him to be on the spectrum, but his headteacher disagreed with me and basically said that if the child is not a disruptive at school (he isn't - he is a daydreamer and says quiet) then they won't get referrred.

When he was little, we could take him to a park/soft play at least, and that would distract him for an hour or two. These days, its a major operation to get him to leave the house.

He's in the midst of puberty, which means he's even more hard work than usual as in sulky, flies off the handle at the slightest thing, rude, lazy etc etc. He is low in confidence and I don't think this helps matters. He has zero empathy and does not care about the effect his behaviour has on anyone. He blames everyone else for everything.

The ONLY thing he likes doing is playing roblox on his pc.
We limit his time, as his behaviour is worse the more he is on this, however he doesn't know what to do with himself. He won't go down the park. He doesn't have friends (he has alienated himself from the only one he did have by ignoring him when he came round)
He makes days out miserable for everyone with his whingeing so we rarely bother as a family now and one of us just takes the youngest (DS9)

We feel he is too old (and too big) for holiday clubs - what would be ideal is something directed at his age group but they all tend to be 5-12 and he hates being stuck with smaller kids (he is considerably larger than the average 12 year old at 5ft 8 and built like a tank so he is very conspicuous) I know there are the pgl type 'holidays' but I don't think sending him away will beneficial to him even though we could do with the break. He has a school residential (2 days) coming up and he is dreading it, but we have put our foot down about that one. I am praying that he will enjoy some of it at least.

I honestly don't know what to do with him. He literally dislikes doing everything, and finds a problem/fault with anything we suggest. Nor is he a child who 'likes it when he gets there'. He doesn't. Ever.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. Advice on how to cope. Advice on how to handle him. Advice on what the hell to do with him come the summer?

I did go through a period of leaving mine to it and eventually he said I am bored, can we go out somewhere, anywhere will do as long as its not anywhere horrendous National Trust

@growlingbear that is such an excellent post. Thank you, it has really made me think about my DC and what they need this summer.

On the woodland/bushcraft front-(May be totally off the mark here but work a go!) what about getting him a whittling knife or similar (bribed outing into town) and then he can go out to these places looking for suitable wood to make whatever from. It could give his computer time a little purpose researching what to do and how to do it, it’s a quiet solitary activity so not too much pressure-but can be done pretty much anywhere, and may get you a few days out to buy the stuff, and source the bits and so on. Like I said I could be totally off the mark but worth a go

I could have written your post, OP, I get it.
My child is totally averse to anything that requires working as a team, he thrives on individual sports, recently snooker, tennis, archery, fishing. Anything involving crowds of other people is a no-no. He likes theme parks but prefers when they're quiet (practically never). We are also currently on list for ASD assessment but might consider going private. Your headteacher is being ridiculous, anyone who knows anything about HF ASD should know about masking.

And whoever suggested sending him to a military camp, I hope you were joking. That would be like telling a child with 2 broken legs to climb up a mountain.

My DD (12) has OCD.... The germy keyboards and water, but only in some circumstances, resonates with that. Also hates leaving the house, very few friends, tends to end up on her own in crowds, etc.

I'd go and see a different GP. Ours was ace - DD had started saying things like "I just want to be normal" or "I can't live like this", she was wearing latex gloves all the time and given herself terrible eczema from the soap / washing, and he was straight on it. We have gone private for speed and she's making progress, touching some things she previously wouldn't but still alot on the ever changing, completely illogical (which causes her massively logical side even more frustration!) no list. Progress, though!

As for the holidays, she's doing a couple of weeks at a holiday club with a friend (who is ASD, they met there and clicked) and then we'll be juggling her. No idea on activities though so loving the coding etc suggestions here.