'Ideal' age gap?

[JaneGlorianaVillanueva]

What would you say is the 'ideal' age gap between children?

Smaller age gaps? waiting til one is going to school before having another?

For reference we both work full time, neither of us whole be sahp's so would be in full time nursery.

We live in the NW, own our own (3 bed) home and have a household income of around £55k.

Any advice?

Most people will say the age gap they have is ideal! So I'd say between 2 and 3 years, because that's what we have... But it was long enough that I didn't have two babies at once but close enough that they play together and enjoy a lot of the same things. I'm a SAHP though so didn't have to consider childcare costs.

Do you mean from a financial perspective or just generally?

Just generally I think 3 years is brilliant. At 3 the older child is a child not a baby, can be reasoned with, has their own thing going on, has a certain amount of independence in play etc, is out of nappies, can do stuff (as in "get a banana out of the bowl while I feed x"). Also my 3 year old ADORED his baby sister and was fantastic with her and I never had to worry about how he might interact with her. But aside from my personal experience I was told that Montessori felt that 3 was an ideal gap (I have NO idea if that's true though).

My other gap was 5 years which I wouldn't actively promote (even though it has been absolutely fine for us and if that's what you decided I wouldn't try and talk you out of it).

I have a friend with a 13 month gap and then a 2.5 year gap. She says the 13 month gap was a disastrous idea and would not recommend it at all. Two babies, no reasoning with anyone.

At a push I'd say anything from 2.5 years and upwards.

I think it depends what your aim is. We have a 3 year gap. This seems much easier currently than my friends who have 2 years between theirs, as DD has much better understanding etc. It would probably be easier with a bigger gap. However most of them with a small gap did it for the long term benefits (children hopefully having more similar interests, less time tied to nap routines etc).

Mine are 2 years 8 months apart. When they were a baby and toddler i found it a nightmare. Baby was a terrible sleeper and screamed if put down. Toddler was jealous. So at that age a larger gap would have been better.
But, they are now 12 and 14 and get on really well. Have similar interests. Share a (large) bedroom but rarely argue. They laugh a lot. So that age gap works well now, it just caused me grey hairs when they were little. That was a lot to do with the temperament of the younger one as a baby though. She's lovely now!

When you're working I'd say 3 years. By the time you're back at work with the youngest the eldest is getting free 30 hours. It's great in terms of development too, by the time youngest was born eldest was potty trained, sleeping, communicative etc etc, could understand when I was BF. Also meant he had some nursery hours too so DS2 and I got some time alone and eldest some normality.

It feels like a big-ish gap when they're younger, but by school age they're playmates.

I have a 4.5 year gap it's been great for is both got lots of one on one time as babies then as toddlers if they were closer they would have a limited amount of one on one time everything would be shared. They are very close and play well together and there is no jealousy or competition between them.

On the down side the baby/toddler bit has lasted for ages and I will be so happy to be out of it for good.

@3timeslucky
Do you mean from a financial perspective or just generally?

I guess both! Cost of children, childcare costs, whether your kids get in with their age difference etc!

The thought of paying for 2 kids at nursery terrifies me but loads of people must do it!

Knowing my luck I'd plan to have one when my first was 3 so that the eldest had 30 free hours and theyd change it just as I got to that point!

I'm just in the planning for kids stage, thinking of ttc later this year but I wouldn't want my kids to have too big of an age gap if I can help it!

My sister has 13 months between her eldest and middle, and 11 months between her middle and youngest! Those gaps are wayyyy too small 😂

The best planning can get messed up by mother nature and by government policies for sure!

3 years does have the advantages I and other poster mentioned about the stage that the older child has. And also it gives a bit of a gap with childcare costs.

Best of luck with your decisions, planning and ttc!

2 years 4 months here for an age gap. If anything I'd have preferred it slightly smaller. They get along really well. We've been out today to go ape and helped each other out going around the course. I think it worked well because my youngest is very chilled out. Two big personalities may have created an awful situation.

My sister has 13 months between her eldest and middle, and 11 months between her middle and youngest! Those gaps are wayyyy too small 😂

I wish i'd done it that way, TBH. Three maternity leaves in quick succession, then take another year PT, or off altogether, or with OH SAHPing for a year. By the time the four years are up, one is starting school, one is about to get free hours, so you only i have one FT child care place to pay for for a year until THEY get their free hours. Minimal career damage, minimal childcare costs, minimum nappy-changing years, plenty of preschool time together, and DC all sharing broad age group together (useful for the next fifteen years). Perfect!

As it is, I had something along the lines of a 16 month gap between DC 1&2, then a 16 YEAR gap between DC 2&3!

No ideal timing ,depends on
The temperament of child 1
How well ye are coping

Don’t plan yet x

There’s almost 5 years to the day between mine and it’s been perfect. The older one is old to be more independent (she can get herself a snack, get dressed, entertain herself when we have our hands full). I was home on mat leave her first year of school so it helped ease her into the transition from nursery, and meant we only paid for one at nursery at a time with a break in between. They adore each other and are really close. It also meant my dh and I had a few years of sleep and time to ourselves when older one was 3-4 but before we had another new baby. We both work ft and youngest was born when I was 37 (very much planned that way), though we don’t want anymore.

Hi,

I have 4 girls. The first two have 15 months between them, numbers 2 and 3 are nearly 4 years apart then 15 months between the last two.

Honestly, I don’t think there’s an ideal age gap. The small gap works great because they always have each other to play with etc. But then the bigger gaps are great because the big ones love looking after the little ones and helping them.

What will be will be. I think it’s best not to plan it too much (I don’t like to plan anything though!)

There’s advantages and disadvantages of all gaps.

Good luck!!

18 months here 😊 wouldn't change it. On maternity leave with second atm so am at home with both. Will take a further year out and then pop both into nursery. My career will wait a year. I'm finished at 2 so once I go back to work after this one, that's it. Would hate to have gone back for 2 years then had another break for second child.

Mine are 26 months apart, reason honestly is that I didn't enjoy the newborn phase but knew I wanted two DCs. So I figured I needed to get pregnant again ASAP before I changed my mind, then I could get it over and done with.

Now they're nearly 4 and nearly 2, I think it was the right choice. Cannot imagine being pregnant and dreading having a newborn again right now.

Depends if you can get pregnant when you want. Not everyone I know could.

Just shy of 3 years and its perfect. Ive seen kids with 18months gap fight a lot and squabble- I know any siblings can but I think the close age gap makes it more likely as they're vying for attention and position.

I think it might be easier to stay in baby mode while they're young but I wouldnt want that gap as they get older. Its also easy to fall into the "lets make another baby" s soon as the first one becomes a bit more independent and less baby like...

There's a 4 year gap between my two DC and would say the experience mirrors Mindutopia's post.

Having the 4 year gap in maternity leave did help with maintaining my career progression, as I know some people with smaller age gaps have felt that they haven't been able to move further up the ladder due to the close gaps in maternity leave.

There's no real 'ideal' age gap. It's just that a 4 year gap has worked for us.

Are you planning on having any more children after DC2?

1 year, they are incredibly close, and it was so very lovely. It is ridiculously expensive, but over quicker (nursery and now university)

I think 4 years is perfect. Less than 2 is hard as its 2 babies. 2-3 brings issues with tantrums and rivalry.

At 4 they have better understanding/language to communicate needs and friends with this gap don't seem to have too many issues with children being at different stages with regards to interests/outings/holidays etc

9 years here. Hate it if i’m honest, for so many reasons. It wasn’t planned this way. We started trying when DD was 4. I wanted a 5 year gap and for her to be in Reception. In hindsight I don’t think that would have been an ideal gap for us either.
It took us over 4 years to conceive again, I had issues I wasn’t aware of.
I dislike the gap so much that I feel I have to have another close in age to my youngest. If things go to plan (IVF) Then there’ll be a 20 month age gap which I can imagine is unbelievably hard in ways, but i’ll take it over a large gap any day.

Mine are 10 1/2 months apart and now they're no longer babies it's a fantastic age gap - both into the same kind of things, both go to similar activities so I'm not doing double-taxi service and they are incredibly close as siblings go (bicker like nowt else as well mind you)! There's a very large 10 year age gap between me and my brother and we don't speak at all now (his fault - when you constantly judge and slag someone off it has a habit of getting back to the person in question eventually)

4/5 years. Old enough to understand that having a younger sibling doesn’t mean you love them any less. In my family, there’s very small age gap between siblings which caused a lot of strife and jealousy especially when the kids were younger because the elder ones didn’t understand properly. It’s also long enough that the older siblings can help out with the younger ones and feel involved.

It's so interesting people's perspectives. My great gran thought there should be 5 years between children so they were at school before the next, I personally think it's too long and would feel like it's starting again. The arguments between my 2 are quite exhausting (3 years) but it's great they can play with each other when they want to, mine still can't play with their 1 year old cousin really. I love now they're school aged a family day out is easy as they have similar tastes, similar stages in life, we went to the cinema yesterday.

I'd see how you get on with having one first.

Conceiving isn't always straightforward.

Delivery isn't always straightforward.

The reality of raising a child is something you can only understand by doing.

I have 3 btw , 27 months and 30 months between them. It worked perfectly for me though and they are now adults who are great friends as well as brothers.