We want to holiday alone FOR ONCE

[Jackandjane]

We recently booked our first holiday abroad. We want to go just me, my son (who has a progressive disease) and my partner. Every holiday we have been on in uk my parents have booked it, even though they have been like Haven type things that they hate anyway.

Anyway, everything was getting too much, them being domineering, trying to control how we bring up our boy (i am 33 and my partner 41) and we tried to talk to them, it ended up in a argument but the dust has settled. My dad is a heavy drinker and that causes problems too. They said they would back off a bit in the end.

We have booked allicante, said can you feed our cat when you are passing for these specific dates. They said ok. Then I have gone to their house today and they said sorry we can't feed the cat we are on holiday that week. I said ok ...the neighbour will do it.

They have booked the same flights, same resort! I told them we specifically wanted to go on holidsy just us three as we have had such an awful year with my son being so ill in the past and everything is better at the moment. I am so angry they have done this after telling them not to do that.

There's no misunderstanding. They've done this deliberately to show you they'll do what they want. Talk to the travel agent about changing your resort and hotel. Book a pet sitter who comes to the house to feed your cat, there are loads.

Are they staying in the same hotel ?

If so, see if you can just change this bit

Good for you for sticking to the nursery plan. Sometimes you have to be firm for them to take notice!

Take care OP You can still have a good relationship with your parents , if you keep it kind & polite, they will eventually come around,just ignore any dramas. its just moving to a new phase where you do not second guess yourself, to suit your parents , stay firm on you and your husband's plans

Thankyou midsummabreak...i absolutely want to have a good relationship with them because I love them :-) they just have some major personality flaws. However i think we can cone to some resolve, with me putting my foot down. In time we can possibly all be friends again. X

So all is going well with the nursery :-)

However my parents seemed pretty accepting of the fact that he won't be going to them for childcare.

But they have taken this as we must spend all day watching our phones and stay in the area and be available to pick him up if there is an emergency? Like they waited all day until he was finished nursery to set off for a weekend away. I never said they had to do anything of the sort and me and his dad are more than able to leave work and pick him up if he was sick.

So I'm not entirely sure what thats all about lol.

Unhealthy obsession... and not letting you be the parents! Also future guilt trip ammunition.

Just tell them that if your DC is ill the nursery will contact you, not them.
That your employers will let you collect them.
Good luck.

Tell them nursery won't call them, that they don't even have their numbers. Make it an impossible scenario.

'mum, dad, why ever did you waste a day of your holiday?! Nursery wouldn't have called you, they can't, they only have numbers for me and DP. Both our work places know we have DS and we can leave to get him if he's ever ill. Everything's covered, we don't need you to be involved in childcare.' and mean it. Never ask them to look after DS, or you'll be back where you started.

You are DS parents, you are responsible. Not them.

This is all about undermining you and martyring themselves so you are 'grateful' because they're inconveniencing themselves for you. The fact that you don't need their involvement doesn't even register.

They want you beholden to them so when they behave badly to you, you don't challenge them. Then they can do what they like with no consequences.

This is why you need to stand up to the crazy and point it out. If you clearly (in writing if possible, because then they can't change what you said) state xyz isn't necessary / acceptable / normal then they can't then use it as a stick to beat you with further down the line.

Haven't rtf but I too have controlling parents. Yanbu. I'm working hard at cutting the puppet strings. Good luck. X

Why are you so invested in their opinions and feelings, they clearly don't give a shiny shit about yours?

Stop telling them your plans, stop hiding your calendar (stop them visiting!) and stop pandering to them!

As PP have said, they're gaslighting you, they're making you doubt yourself and you have enough on your plate without their mind games

They sound completely nuts! Hide your calendar!

Have they booked the same hotel, if not I wouldn't worry, it's crazy busy so the chance of bumping into them is slight - if they have booked the same hotel just change the hotel booking. Explain you will meet up for one meal (or lunch) but no more

You can go to lots of different resorts from Alicante, transfers are not that expensive.