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Original poster

Joint parties - what's the present-giving protocol?

85 replies

cornflakemum · 15/07/2007 12:10

we just had DD's 5th party yesterday afternoon at a sports centre/ soft play place.

It was a 'joint' party with one of her friends X from school, so all the kids knew each other, and most kids came with 2 small presents - one for each of the girls. However one child only brought a present for the other child, and two girls brought presents only for my child.

Oh, and we gave X (other birthday girl) a present, but she didn't give my daughter one yesterday. (To be fair the Mum looked horribly embarrassed, and said she'd left it at home, but I think with all the organising etc she'd just forgotten!)

Thing is, the invitation said clearly it was a party for both girls, and I'm sure that, although we split the invitation list and wrote half each, that we put both telephone no.s on as RSVPs. Now I'm worried that the other Mum thinks that I tried to pass it off as just our party or something?

Unless I didn't know the other child at all, I'd always send two little presents for a joint party, wouldn't you?

I'm not particularly bothered, nor is DD, and she had lots of loevly things, but I just don't know how people would decide just to send one present? Do they choose the one the ivitation comes from, or the one they like best, or what?
Strangely the ones who didn't give the other child a present had invitations sent by her mum, so I feel bad about this for some reason?

OP posts:
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mozhe · 15/07/2007 16:03

poor grammar better, imo, that worrying about not getting enough presents for DC....
Think about other things ?
Cod gives good advice...sometimes.

Original poster
cornflakemum · 15/07/2007 16:30

FFS - read by post - I said "I'm not particularly bothered"....
I was just interested to hear others views about this. That OK?

Never any excuse for poor grammar IMO actually - smacks of sloppiness, and 'am I bovvered' attitude...

OP posts:
expeLYRAmus · 15/07/2007 16:34

DS1 went to a joint party and I got presents for both girls even though I didn't know one of them. Others brought presents only for the girl they knew. i don't think there's any right or wrong answer here.

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Vinegar · 15/07/2007 16:38

If dd was going to a joint party and knew both children(e.g. both in the same class as is the case here) I would take a present for both. Yes do think it is odd not doing this. If it was a child dd did not know at all, then would only take a present for the child who invited her.

amateurarsedoctor · 15/07/2007 16:45

Crikey. Parties are a minefield aren't they.

I've just sent DD3 off to a joint party with 2 small gifts(£5 each).

I've never posted on a thread yet where I agree with Cod or mozhe but in this case it's a double whammy. I agree with them both.

If you're not bovvered get over it woman. In the scale of things who gives a toss.

DoubleBluff · 15/07/2007 17:00

Op only asked a simple question.. doesn't deserve such a strampling surely?
Not the most contentious of issues.
Just hope she didn't give the party goers sausage rolls and fruit shoots.

Cammelia · 15/07/2007 17:02

Joint party meant something entirely different in my day

DoubleBluff · 15/07/2007 17:05

That would be a much better idea cammelia!

Hulababy · 15/07/2007 17:07

If DD knows both children she takes a small gift for each. If she oly knows one of the children, she only buys for that one.

frogs · 15/07/2007 17:13

Blimey, have you not got other things to worry about? I get mildly miffed if people don't bother RSVPing, or don't turn up if they've said they will, but tbh I would not waste my brainspace on worrying who had or hadn't given my child a present, and what if anything the significance might be.

Some parents are clueless, some disorganised, some broke or tight with money. None of it necessarily means anything. The child is v. unlikely to notice unless you make a big thing of it.

mozhe · 15/07/2007 17:28

excellent.

FluffyMummy123 · 15/07/2007 17:32

Message withdrawn

littlerach · 15/07/2007 17:33

Dd1 has been to 3 lots of joint parties this month and each invitation has specified to just bring one present.
Made it much easier.
But the year before, 3 classmates had a party and it became very awkward as to who to buy presents for, when we didn't know one of the girls.

StarryStarryNight · 15/07/2007 17:40

Joint party means money saved for the parents who host/make the party, so should also mean money saved for the parents whose children attend the party! Which is fair.

You cant ask to only give ONE named present, it would be very sad if Peter ended up with 25 presents and Paul with only 5!

The way to do it, in my opinon, is to write on the invite "One present only, presents will be divided equally between Peter and Paul."

What child needs 30 presents?

mozhe · 15/07/2007 17:43

Fish often have good advice...

FluffyMummy123 · 15/07/2007 17:58

Message withdrawn

DoubleBluff · 15/07/2007 18:11

DS has his party next week am already maikng space for the tat he will get!

mozhe · 15/07/2007 18:16

Say 'no presents'...and have a box for donations or something...it's what I do because we have,( as of 2 weeks ago...), got 6 children....we would have to move into garden and sleep in tents if anymore plastic junk came into our household !

Original poster
cornflakemum · 15/07/2007 19:15

Crikey - have you lot got synchronised PMT or something? Full moon again already?

It was a very simple, passing observation and question about why people might not give a present.

And actually Frogs my DD DID ask, completely unprompted, "Which is C's present?" (one of her group of 'close' friends from school) and I had to say "er, nothing, actually"

If you're not bothered and don't want to discuss it then p*ss off and leave those of us who think that this is a bit 'off'/ odd behaviour and frankly quite rude to discuss it.

Glad my kids don't go to your parties, you sound like a miserable bunch

OP posts:
HedTwigg · 15/07/2007 19:21

DS has been invited to a joint partner .. its 2 sisters, he's in class with the younger one, the older one is only a year older

I was just going to send a pressie for the younger one who DS knows

But I know the older one because I know the mum

and now I'm confused as to what to do

StarryStarryNight · 15/07/2007 19:22

Cornflakemum:

This is your title:
Joint parties - what's the present-giving protocol?

You invited a bunch of strangers to answer, you dont have to be rude if people answer, but you dont like the answer.

I resent being accused of PMT just because I have taken time to answer on your thread.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/07/2007 19:28

so another "don't post unless you agree with me thread" then.
Glad my kids don't go to your parties either.

PandaG · 15/07/2007 19:40

I had a joint party for DD's 5th birthday - we made a list of invitees - for some children the invite came from both children as we would have invited them to individual parties, and some children were invited by either DD or the other birthday girl. We made it clear to the children who were invited by just one child that if they wanted to buy a present to only buy one for the child that had invited them, and not a child they barely knew. this seemed to work well, but we did know thw majority of the parents well enough to explain the situation.

Mamamoor · 15/07/2007 19:47

My niece is apparently having a joint party and my dds are attenting. Since we don't know the jointee child or parents of jointee child I have no intention of buying said child a present! So there!! If we knew child would give present too!

PandaG · 15/07/2007 19:48

I agree Mamamoor - when DC have attended joint parties I have only bought for the child I know.

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