Airy fairy parents

[Justamum28]

Is it just me or do others find the perfect parent airy fairy earth mother brigade SO irritating. Always trying to make people feel like not good enough parents because you don’t co-sleep or didn’t breastfeed or heaven forbid you used controlled crying!! Your child doesn’t eat healthy enough, are your nappies eco friendly, has your child been out 7 days a week. Just seems to be happening a lot more often these days

There are smug irritating parents who all kids of things. Those mums you mention are constantly being told they are making a rod for their own back, mummy martyrs, need to get a life, need to teach their kid to be more independent, will raise an unmannered brat, shouldn't be breastfeeding in public, shouldn't talk about their parenting choices because it makes other mums feel bad, are "airy fairy" or smug.

And in all honestly, I think during the first couple of years of parenthood most mums spend a lot of time teetering between being smug and feeling like miserable incompetent failures, and that happens regardless of how you feed or dress or wash, or interact with or rest your baby.

I am dreading this OP, I have just had my first and I have made an informed decision not to breastfeed because I don't want to risk pumping my daughter full of anti-epileptic medication (which I hate taking myself) through breastfeeding.

NCT groups are pro breastfeeding, as are midwives, very little support for those that a FF without, already had a few mums already look down my nose for FF. The only encouragement I have had for FF is my bloody 60 something male neurologist lol.

I am not planning to co-sleep either. May as well go the hole hog and do controlled crying

@TheLastPharl because most mothers imo that do not breastfeed is because of medical reasons, I would love to breastfeed. No need to add insult to injury.

Also sorry I’m not saying mums who DO the above are airy fairy I mean the ones who have to judge everyone who doesn’t. I have also done some of the above

I disagree taking children out every day makes you a better parent than someone who doesn’t, children are ok at home sometimes and it’s ok for them to be bored

Fresh air and exercise are vitally important for young children. If there is outdoor space at home where they can spend time outside running around then that’s absolutely fine.
If there isn’t then they need to get out.

But YOU’RE the one doing the judging OP.

You’re no better.

Just get on doing what you are doing.

It's a pretty judgemental opening post for someone who's so anti-judging! Surely your allowed your opinion and so are the "airy fairy" types?

I am surprised that you think things are worse now. Are you hanging out with/around different people? More sensitive to things?

Yabu - the only person judging here is you of them.

The only tearing down I'm seeing here is you!
You're very defensive and clearly feel threatened for some reason but nobody is actually criticising your parenting choices are they

I think the OP is suggesting that there is a current trend of mummy's who are very judgy unless you exclusively bf, co sleep etc you are a negligent parent, you see it here every day. We all love our DC but this I can't breathe, function without them and it's soo hard to manage with a baby, my 5 week old attends 40 groups; it is a bit try hard.

You sound very angry.

Anyone who takes social media personally is a loon.
I’d rather be airy fairy than judgmental!

Bookworm4 sorry don’t know how to tag yet that is exactly what I’m saying I am NOT judging any mum for doing any of those, as I said before I have done some of the above myself but it’s sooo constantly pushed in people’s faces why?

Doing all these things is not new but social media probably makes new moms more likely to compare.
My oldest DC is late 20s and l did all that: breatfeeding/ cosleeping/ all outdoors/ no tv( only screens at the time) no creche etc but rarely discussed it with anyone.
Unfortunately it didn't stop my guy going off the rails for a while as a teen so l wouldn't worry too much about it.
All the bottle fed..left crying..TV watchers all sailed through teen years so there is no way of predicting how different stages will go.
I admit l did judge at times but the laugh was on the other side of my face when theirs were average teens and mine was all over the place. Everyone just does what's right for them.
Just be the parent you want to be and be confident in that.

It was not like this back when I had my first child. oh, it was when I had my first DC, back in the days of pre Internet (hell, we barely had stone tablets) I remember going to baby group and coming home in tears because although I bf, I didn't do so many other things that were the thing then and got sneered at by the mummy mean girls. What did I do? Ignored them, found other people i did like and brought my DC up the way I wanted.

nah, i just did my own thing and ignored anyone else

TheLastPharl you are entitled to your opinion but for some people with your views would lecture me about breastfeeding with no idea of the struggles and heartbreak i’d gone through with it (which I also didn’t want to share with a stranger) and I’d come out of a baby class feeling like a crap mum.
I’m not saying you do that but it happens.

Not sure how I’ve managed to come across as judgey as I’m not at all, obviously neglectful parents are a whole different story, I’m just saying parents who formula feed aren’t bad parents, parents who use controlled crying aren’t abusing their kids ( which I’ve been told ), mums who treat their children to a fruit shoot every now and then aren’t neglectful and may well feed their child a good diet this is all I’m saying 😂

Well no, you started the thread referring to ‘airy-fairy’ parents. So that’s you judging them right there.

I think the notion of a perfect parent is ridiculous. That said, I’d disagree about it being too expensive to go out every day. The best things are freely available. I’ve yet to meet a child who is happier in a soft play environment than jumping waves on the beach.

Parks, walks, feeding ducks, visiting the lambs, the beach, treasure hunts, gathering blackberries, finding giant puffballs, watching carnivals, going to museums, churches and mosques, fell walking, wild swimming and paddling, library story-time and many other lovely things are free.

Yes children need to learn to entertain themselves and use their imagination but they also need experiences to fire that imagination and exercise. Clearly a parent who engages, who plans activities and outings (whether indoors or out) that broaden a child’s knowledge and understanding of the world is going to provide a better foundation than the parent who watches daytime television almost continuously. Much nicer for the parent too.

I am pretty much what you describe as an “airy fairy” parent.
I give birth at home, I breastfeed, I co-sleep, I babywear well into toddlerhood (still carry my nearly 4 year old when she needs me to), I think controlled crying/sleep training is barbaric, and I try really hard not shout at my DCs as it appears to be counterproductive to their behaviour. Those things work for me and my family. While the opposites of those things aren’t something I’m comfortable with doing, I don’t judge others for doing them - we all do what we feel is right or what works for our families don’t we?
Your original post comes across as being very “I can’t stand judgey parents” while hoiking your judgey-pants so high you can almost taste them.
You do you. And I’ll do me.
As long as our children are happy, loved, and properly cared for, I couldn’t give a shiny shit how they are parented.

I just think my point was missed I’m not saying mums who make those choices are airy fairy as I would be one myself I am saying the mothers who parade around commenting on other mothers who DONT make those choices and it does seem to be a trend recently and I’m not just talking about social media

But you ARE judging, Valhalla, because you describe sleep training (all sleep training of any type?) as ‘barbaric’. What was ‘barbaric’ in my case was being unable to care for my baby adequately because I was so sleep deprived. She or I would have come to harm if we haven’t sleep trained.

bookworm but the point is, while that is the way I feel about sleep training my own children, I wouldn’t ever tell another mother “You are a horrible mother for sleep training”.
If it works for them, then crack on. But it definitely wouldn’t work for me.

@valhalla
You are very judgy, not every parent wants or can have a child clinging to them 24/7, my 4 DC are ages 13/25 and co sleeping was the last thing you were advised to do, routine is important especially if you're a working mum. All these ideas/guidelines come and go and every generation changes, it boils my piss when the 'oh but that's outdated etc' is trotted out, sometimes people with experience have better knowledge.

No matter how 'trendy' it is, as a mum you can't escape 95% of people who tell you to just give them a bottle, put them in their own room, stop pandering to every little whimper, rod for your own back, there's a difference between complaining and crying, don't carry them because you'll never put them down, it's good for the baby to be away from you, have you tried a dummy, blah blah blah, all day long.

Maybe these mums are just trying to show people that there is another way and that's ok too.

For me, it was a complete relief to discover the Milk Meg Facebook page and realise I wasn't alone in my thinking that it was ok for my newborn to feed constantly, lie with me, feed lying down etc. 'Mainstream' patently information is far too focussed on what to do if bf doesn't work out/routine/sleep training etc and it's actually really difficult to find good support for when breastfeeding is going well but it doesn't fit into society's idea that babies only need to be fed every 3 hours and then left in a Moses basket. You have to really search for that support.

So maybe those mums are just trying to normalise the things you're so critical of? Just trying to help another mum who is struggling to find the words of comfort or support they need?

My motto is fed not dead.