I've walked out. I'm such an awful mum

[Rosebud1302]

I posted here a week or so ago about my nearly 8 month old baby who cries moans and whinges ALL THE TIME. I have had one nice day with him in weeks and weeks. The other days he is quite frankly not nice to be around. He doesn't want to play for more than ten minutes before the whinging starts. I can't sit down with him or he cries. I have to stand up and bounce him. He likes being outside which we do every day but I can't spend all day every day outside it just isn't practical. To add to it the last few nights he has barely slept. I don't know if this is teething, leap 6 or what. I just don't know anymore.

Today I've reached my limit. I can't take anymore. I've been ok up until this point and not cracked but today after telling me with sleep cues he is tired and then screaming at me for an hour because he won't sleep I've had it. I'm done. I've walked out and left him with my partner (his dad) and I don't want to go back. I am such an awful mum why can't I deal with this. Why have I walked out why I can't I cope. I just don't know how to get through this period. I look at my friend's babies who play together smile laugh and mine just doesn't (very rarely). He cries when people talk to him. He cries if other babies touch him. I feel embarrassed when I meet friends because he is the only one like this.

My partner is lovely but does not understand what it is like. He gets home after baby is in bed. He doesn't understand what I have all week. He gets to carry on with his life like nothing has happened. I miss my life. I miss doing what I want when I want. I miss not having a baby attached to me. He is ebf and won't tolerate a bottle or cup so I can't leave him.

I'm so sorry for the long post. I just needed to write this all down. I'm sat in my car sobbing because I know I need to go home but I know he will be crying still.

Morning everyone. Again I am so grateful for people to still be commenting with such lovely advice.

I did get him checked for an ear infection about a month ago when he was rubbing his ears and they found no cause for concern. He was laying down no problem at that point. And last night I am so relieved to say he slept much better with only one real wake up for food.

I am also relieved (I think) to say I can now feel two teeth!!!! I was so convinced that was the problem for a lot of the more serious whinging and recently uncontrollable crying so I am so happy to feel the little monsters. Even though my poor boy is still in a lot of pain and using my boob as a chew toy which is not fun!

Anyway. I am hopeful that once they are out he will feel a bit better. Even for a time. I am definitely going to make sure I take time out for me and once he is feeling better I am going to persevere with him taking milk from a cup (he did do it happily once so I know he can do it!) I am feeling more positive today and that has a lot to do with you lovely people so thank you :) xx

Glad he had a good night, a bad couple of days really can feel like an eternity with little babies x

It's so hard isn't it op. A lot harder than we are lead to believe! I can feel your desperation but trust me things will improve with time.

Whenever suggested stopping milk at 8 months old and only giving solids - terrible advise!!!

Whoever not whenever sorry (sleep deprived!!!!!)

@Kittykat93 oh no hope you get some better sleep soon :( yes I won't be stopping any milk don't you worry :) he will get what he wants and if that's milk and not solids yet then that's what it will be xx

Just wanted to add - Anbesol liquid is excellent for teething. There were points with both of mine where they didn't even want to feed their gums were so sore and this worked wonders, especially at bedtime

For teething, soak the corner of a clean flannel in water, twist it into a point, and put the flannel in the freezer. They can chew on it and the chill is soothing.

Have you spoken to someone about cranial massage? X

So glad things are a bit better.

My oldest was like this, he'd scream/cry for 4-5 hours a day as a baby. My nerves went to shreds

He calmed down a lot when at 11 months he could walk and explore

It is almost like he did not like being a baby

He is now a very even tempered chilled out teen

But blimey, those baby years!

Be kind to yourself and take a break whenever you can! Let DH share the burden.

The crying says nothing about his personality, he may well turn into a very mellow child

Hang in there, it gets better over time

He never took bottle or cup, but at around 8_9'months learned to drink from a straw-cup

So I made milk shakes from baby milk/bit of banana/bit of baby cereal to fill him up a bit more

My first was also a nightmare baby. Cried, whinged, wouldn’t sleep unless held upright, never slept in his pram when we were out and about. He was ebf, and teething was horrendous for him - had awful nappy rash (looked like he’d been scalded on his bottom). I gave calpol/brufen and before each feed I put anbesol on his gums too. He hated solids, and would scream when he tried eating - purée or finger foods, and never took a bottle/cup.

Things came to a head at 10 months old, when the HV commented that he looked really pale. I’d been to the gp a few times and mentioned this but was dismissed every time. I went back and on the HV insistence got blood test done and found he was severely anaemic. Poor kid was so shattered he couldn’t cope with using energy to feed (hence the screaming). He was that bad that blood transfusion was being discussed.

After a few weeks on high dose of oral iron meds he was like a different child. He started eating, was happy and while he’s never been a great sleeper, he started doing better at napping too.

He is now a happy, healthy 7yo who eats like a horse and is absolutely no bother whatsoever! While I’m not saying your baby has these issues, I think it’d be worth seeing the HV and the gp to exclude ear infections and the like.

And you need to make sure you get some time away for yourself. Can your partner look after him for a couple of hours on a weekend so you can go do something, or just sit in a cafe and enjoy the peace? It was absolutely vital for my sanity when my DS was at this stage. Even a trip alone to Tesco was heaven!!

Good update op. We're always here :)

If he wont take a cup or a bottle, try a straw, they naturally suck so take to a straw far easier than you would think.

My DS became a biter while he was teething, I used to take him off the boob every time it happened and give him a 'break' (although turns out he was a breath holder and this was a trigger for it so it could get a bit scary lol). It only took a few weeks before I started to feel I was safe from a teeth attack when I fed him so hopefully you will be the same.

The weeks are long but the years are so short xx

Take care of yourself so you can be a happy Mum, All the best to you xx

Just wanted to say my 3rd baby really struggled in many ways. He didn't properly get on with solid food until 11 months.

His teething was the worst I have ever witnessed and we didn't sleep for more than 1-2 hours at a time for 2 1/2 years.

I felt like I was having a mental breakdown.

All children are different. Mums who make it look like it's easy, maybe don't have high maintenance babies

Hope things get better for you x