I need to get away from my 9 month old

[Rythmisachancer]

It became obvious that DC2 was emotionally v high needs from early on. DC1 is more laid back and enjoys spending time with grand-parents and husband, so I promised myself no guilt for dedicating most of my time to DC2 for the first 6 months as I knew DC1 would be fine.

9 months on and I've had enough.

DC2 behaves like a newborn. After ruling out any health issues, it is clear he just has a very highly strung personality. I still can't put him down. He wont go in a bouncy chair, a jumperoo- nothing. He's already cruising around the furniture so when I let him on the loose, he's in to everything and falling and hurting himself. If I do try to contain him in a chair so I can get something done, he screams this horrible angry cry that drives me to rage and tears. I can't even leave him in his highchair for 5 minutes whilst I clear up after lunch without this intense, horrible screaming.

I have started KIT days at work and he has begun going to nursery for short periods, but they too find him v difficult as he wants constant attention. I worry they won't cipe with him or he'll be left to cry on his own for long periods.

DC1 had been so wonderfully understanding but I'm really missing her now and want to play games/ read with her after school rather than sitting her infront if the tv whilst I hold DC2/ entertain and try to cook. She will play with DC2, but he only seems to want me and will scream pulling at my legs when I'm trying to cook. DC1 will be trying to get his attention but he's not interested.

I can't do a thing during the day. He won't nap in his cot either.

I'm getting to a point where I have to leave the room when he's screaming at times and just lie down and cover my ears for a few minutes for some space. Sometimes, I even get angry myself and will throw something at the wall. He is much better when we are out, but we have both been ill in the last 3 weeks and haven't been able to go anywhere or see many friends.

I really want to spend more time with DC1 now, I've had enough. I also want some space in the day whilst DC2 naps.

He is breastfed and I can't Express much milk to take a break either.

Help?

I’ve no advice but that sounds really hard . Could you put him in a sling and do your jobs?

Slings are crap. I don't understand how people manage to do anything in them tbh. I can't even bend down to do my washing.

Can you leave him in childcare while you spend some one-on-one time with your daughter? Just to give you both a breather?

I have no advice but my 9 month old ds is the same. If he's not destroying everything then he is just screaming. He hates been strapped into anything. My dd is great but the other day she told me that I should just put him in the bin so I think his attention seeking is wearing thin now.
I wish I had some advice but just so you know you are not alone. I shut myself in the bathroom the other day cause I had reached my limit.

Have you tried a back carry? I have a Tula and I put DS (13 months) on my back to do some gardening the other day. It was definitely harder work but I could pick up leaves, sweep etc and so long as I kept moving he was fairly content. If you back carried as well you could go for walks with your other DC and it will feel like you're more able to give your whole attention to her. I go for walks with DS on my back and because I can't see him and he's fairly quiet just looking around I kind of forget he's there!

Also, sorry you're going through this. It sounds beyond tough and I can't imagine how frustrating it is

I know how it feels op x

God I hear you. Our third is like this and still like it st sixteen months. One night of unbroken sleep since he was born.
Slings didn’t do it fir me I couldn’t even run a tap with him in it.
Breastfeeding is s big part of it I think but also some babies are just this way.
We have no nap routine, even the fresh air in buggy is unpredictable and he’s not spent more than that one night in the cot and I have to co sleep every night. He screams his head off in the Hugh chair and was the only one of the three not to love the jumperoo!

I love him so so much but there are times when I cry silent tears at how tired and overwhelming it is the third time round. Or drink a very large gin and tonic.
He’s now going to Nursery two days a week so I can get a bit of my life back. It is not cheap but I want to try and do things with DS1 after school and with DD who is preschool as well as start thinking about doing something for me like swimming, volunteering, sleeping 🤣

Just keep telling yourself it will pass. As pass it must.
Sorry no advice but wanted to offer an echo of solidarity across your way ......

Sorry for the typos, guess who I’m holding .......

OP : my baby is driving me nuts i need a break

Multiple replies : strap him to your body

I fully get you OP , my second son was a nightmare till he was about 18mo. The good news is he will grow out of it, but in the meantime i think he just needs to learn to not be constantly on you, could you get a play pen and try leaving him with toys etc ?

Awww op I know how you feel. DD was the same until she was a bit more mobile. I know the screaming is soul destroying but perhaps let him cry for a while. He needs to learn he can't be on you 24/7. As long as you know he isn't in pain hungry or wet then leave him to cry for a little while.

My DD is 1 now and has gotten a lot better. She still won't sleep in her cot though or through the night but that's another story lol

Mine had reflux and known as the boy who didn't smile for two years. He is now delightful, hilarious, beautiful, fun, engaging, life and soul of the party. Not sure why he was so unhappy with the world as a baby. It's very weird.

What can you do?

Try to get enough space to actually miss him. Look at him when he is asleep and think how peaceful he is. Find anything you can do with him that you both enjoy. He is better out so plan your days in lovely outdoor surroundings. Enjoy any moment you can and cut yourself slack for all the moments that you can't. It is bloody hard!!!

My DD is the same - she's 8 months and I thought it was due to being frustrated with not crawling, which she did at 7.5 months and then a day later was cruising furniture and will not go in any form of chair.

She starts nursery this month when I go back to work and I'm already scared she'll be kicked out - especially now you've said it's already been mentioned to you! She is going to be the only baby in the baby room so I'm hoping that the older kids will entertain her quite a bit.

You need to baby proof one corner of your home and let him loose there. Keep baby toys and stuff there. You should slowly nip in and out and get him used to being by himself gradually increasing the duration.
We pushed our dining table to a corner and got a play pen and partitioned one side of room. It's really hard but this too shall pass as pp says.

Don't underestimate nurseries - they are designed to accommodate all different sorts of babies and are used to it. Give your self a break and some time with your eldest and book your youngest in if you can afford it.

I remember going back to work part time at 7 months with a massive sigh of relief. I still felt very guilty about leaving DD at nursery, especially as she basically didn't nap. One day I came in at the same time as an Australian mother who cheerfully handed her DS (similar age) over with "He hasn't slept all night so he'll be a little bugger today, but he's your problem now. See you tonight darling!" and a big smile as she left. I somehow felt less bad after that.

My DC are similar ages to yours - 5 and 8 months and I understand how you feel about the dedicated time for the older one. Mine also doesn't nap well in his cot and has a strong preference for me over anyone else. I'm getting through by reminding myself that DC1 was the same and grew out of it eventually.

What's working for us at the moment is doing the early afternoon nap in the pushchair. We walk until he falls asleep, then straight home. He will usually sleep just over an hour that way parked in the hallway versus 20 minutes in the cot. I also try to arrange the day so that DC2 goes to bed early enough that I can spend half an hour with DC1 doing reading etc before bed. It's not much but is at least good quality time.

I'm terms of distracting DC2, he seems to prefer things that aren't toys...plastic kitchen utensils and things like that.
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Agree with you on the sling....we use ours lots still when out but by 9 months they are too big to get a lot done wearing them around the house.

If you are concerned about him crying at nursery would a childminder be worth considering? Possibly not if everything is already organised but depending on the set up they may be able to give more one to one time.

Forgot to add we got those mats they use in nursery for the baby corner so even if they fall they are ok. Initially we used a old duvet down but when he was older it got slippery.

Op do you WANT to continue breastfeeding? Assume he's weaning into food now, would you be willing to try bottle feeding / will he take one?

Is his Dad around at all? Could he take him overnight so you can have a break?

Nursery will cope, they will learn and he willearn and you will get hot coffee and no one touching you and adult conversation.

I’m not sure if I missed it but if you have a partner can they not look after DC2 whilst you spend time with DC1? Now it’s lighter at night you could even just go for a walk together and chat about her day?

It’s hard during the day if you have no other childcare options. Does he nap anywhere other than on you?

I didn't breastfeed any of my 5 children for this reason. I have 3 friends atm all who breastfeed and are going out of their minds because their children are so clingy and won't go to anyone else and are just so difficult. I think if you choose to bf then you kind of have to understand that this could be the outcome after 9 months. Having said that I have friends that don't and still have clingy children, sometimes it's just their nature.

I for one would stop the bf and give him a bottle. I assume he's on solids now so milk should be becoming a less frequent thing. Also child proof and section off a part of the room. Chuck all his toys in there and let him go nuts.

I bf my first DS for 6 weeks and the second for 12 weeks. That was enough, and they went onto formula then. They weren't clingy. Other pps could be right. Too much closeness for too long gets them used to it, depending on it, and screaming if it's taken away.

Mine was the same op as much as you might feel guilty my midwife and health visitor always said to me if I ever felt like I can't cope it's ok to put the child in the cot and walk out the room and go and take 5 minutes elsewhere just so you can breathe and calm down, they do grow out of it it used to anger me when people said that because I'd think well that's not helping me right this minute but it does get easier, wondering if anyone family wise could take him for the day? I haven't read the full thread so apologies if that's not possible

DD bf’d for 13 months, she would happily sit in her high chair with a toy or a snack whilst I cleared up or cooked. She was happy in a bouncy chair, with DH or grand parents.

Bf’ing doesn’t mean a clingy baby and saying so will put first time mums off doing it. And whilst formula is absolutely fine, bf’ing has lots of benefits for mum and baby.

The breastfeeding is neither hear no there and is totally the ops choice anyway. I breastfed both my children. Dd has always been independent and happy to entertain herself but ds is massively clingy etc. From that I could say that boys are clingy and girls are independent but obviously that is just rubbish so I'm not going to make sweeping generalisations.

I would disagree that bfing causes clinginess. I have bf 4 kids up to a year old (well, at 9 months with no 4) and they are very different personality wise. No 1 intermediate, no 2 fairly laidback, no 3 extremely clingy day and night as you describe, and no 4 the most laidback of all.

I agree OP that slings are just exhausting. And not good for your recovering pelvic floor (yes, even at 9m post partum, you are still healing and baby v heavy by this point).

No real advice except earplugs help when the angry screaming is really bad. It does pass and my DC3 is now very affectionate and (mostly) fairly relaxed. I do feel for you though, it is so hard when you are in the thick of it.

Bf probably doesn't cause clinginess for some. But there's always that chance it Does.

I like to give my babies to others while I eat,clean, do something for myself. From 4 months my youngest was put in her car seat and handed to the grandparents with the changing back and told to bring her back at 5pm. No expressing just a few fresh bottles and off she went with her big sister. Never had a clingy child because of it. It's lush 😃