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Original poster

Newborn on pillow

57 replies

Garageflower79 · 02/04/2019 05:23

Hi,

My daughter is 4 days old. And for the last 48 hours has not stopped crying. Husband and I are at the end of our tether. The only time she settles is if she is on one of us, then the second she's transferred to the Moses basket the screaming starts.

About 20 mins ago, I popped her on a pillow on the floor whilst I grabbed a drink - and she's sleeping. She has been silent for 20 whole minutes.

I'm starting to wonder if she finds the Moses basket uncomfortable. Which leads me to my question - do you think it's ok to put the pillow in the basket? So I know she can't fall off it? Or do you think that would be dangerous?

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SleepWarrior · 02/04/2019 05:29

I don't think it would be safe enough unless you are literally just sat watching her I'm afraid.

Do you have a decent sling if she likes to be on you? I found a stretchy wrap one a lifesaver.

Hang in there, it does get better Flowers

Terramirabilis · 02/04/2019 05:30

Are you talking whole body on pillow or just head? Babies are supposed to sleep on fairly firm surfaces because soft squishy things pose a suffocation risk AFAIK. That's not very helpful to you I know.

Suggestions to try:
More milk
Thoroughly burping
Walking around until they fall asleep
Pushing in pram
Going out for a walk with your baby in the pram.

SleepWarrior · 02/04/2019 05:31

There are also other snuggly sleep pods and things (no idea of names, I never used one) that might be worth looking into - more comfy and nest like but safe for newborns I think

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Bananarama12 · 02/04/2019 05:31

I wouldn't do that unless you can watch her the whole time because of SIDS. You could try a sleepyhead or a poddle pod for her instead? Btw it's very normal for them to want to sleep on you for a while. Mine never slept in a moses basket.

Original poster
Garageflower79 · 02/04/2019 05:41

Yeah I thought it might be an issue, clutching at straws!

She's got a sleepy head, but she won't go down on that either. Literally just me, OH, Or now this pillow.

When she's awake (approx 20 hours a day!) She's demanding feeding every 45 mins so I'm not sure I can give her more - she's doing about 30ml an hour?

Like I say I can get her to sleep on one of us but I can't transfer her anywhere once she's down. And I'm terrified of one of us falling asleep with her on us.

OP posts:
norbert23 · 02/04/2019 05:48

It may be the elevation she likes - my DD has silent reflux and was much happier when slightly elevated. I bought a wedgehog which can go under a mattress, you could try raising her sleepyhead by placing something underneath maybe? I sympathise enormously - it's so hard to find out what they need, if it's any consolation I think some babies do just prefer you and the warmth / cuddles. If you have a HV they might be able to offer some advice for you. I hope you all get some sleep soon x

Newyearnewunicorn · 02/04/2019 05:48

Have you tried warming up the Moses basket, putting a sheet in that smells of you? I used to sometimes nurse mine in my arms on the mattress, then lift baby and mattress in basket together. Try different textures of blanket, I found fleece worked.
If you’re baby prefers to be propped up you can put something under the Moses basket so the whole thing is slightly tilted. I think I used to use a big book. You might need to put the basket on the floor if you raise one end.

Limpshade · 02/04/2019 06:09

I was going to say the same as PP - it might be that she likes her head elevated. I've had two with reflux and they've both slept on tilt: the first one with her cot propped up on books on one end, and the second in a Chicco Next2Me that could tilt itself. Or upright on me or my DH during the day if/when possible. Try propping up what she's sleeping in and see if that helps.

Theorangeorange · 02/04/2019 06:12

I could have written this post when my lo was that age.... We found out she had silent reflux and propped the Moses basket up with a wedge.

AuditAngel · 02/04/2019 06:14

My son was like yours, in that he was only happy on me, he had silent reflux (but we only worked that out later) my health visitor suggested putting him down in his car seat.

This is generally not recommended (at that age only a couple of hours I believe) but saved my sanity

TillyTheTiger · 02/04/2019 06:20

Definitely don't ever leave her on a pillow unattended, it's not safe.
My son wouldn't tolerate the Moses basket either, not because he was uncomfortable but more because he barely knew he was born and needed the comfort and security of me or his Dad.
If you haven't already, Google the fourth trimester. I got a close caboo sling which saved my sanity as it meant I could be mobile and have my arms free while he was sleeping on me.

Happygolucky009 · 02/04/2019 06:23

At 3 and 4days old babies are often very unsettled..... it will settle down. Get a sling and take it in turns to rest x

Happygolucky009 · 02/04/2019 06:26

Please don't use car seats for sleep.... very dangerous.

putputput · 02/04/2019 06:27

A safer option would be a sleepy head, although they're hideously expensive lots of people swear by them.
They aren't officially approved for safe sleep but are a much safer option than a pillow.
Good luck, it does get better and you will miss the sleepy cuddles one day!

sighrollseyes · 02/04/2019 06:31

My son liked being elevated hated being in the flat pr carrycot etc he liked to be in one of those baby chair things that could rock - try that.

flumpybear · 02/04/2019 06:31

Both mine hated the Moses basket. DD slept mainly in her pram carry cot type attachment thing but the hood down to keep airflow

DS was a big baby and slept mainly in the top part of the travel cot next to my side of the bed - he wouldn't entertain the Moses basket at all

As PP have said perhaps it's reflux or gripe / colic etc, keep burping your baby, India's this constantly with mine as they both had colicky tummies and were very windy.

Babies love to be swaddled too (I was dreadful at this!) get your midwife to help you

TeddyIsaHe · 02/04/2019 06:33

Oh the beginning bit is so hard! She’s just gone from being in a dark, warm, cosy space to the big bright world and she doesn’t know how to understand it yet.

She likes to be on you because she can hear your heartbeat which has been the sound she’s heard for the last 9 months.

Google the 4th trimester and it will help you to understand things a little better.

In the meantime can you take it in turns to let her sleep on you? Newborns should be sleeping most of the day, so if she’s awake for 20 hours she’s wildly overtired. Feed, burp, nappy change, sleep in a cycle throughout the day and night. Car seats can compromise a baby’s airway which is why they’re not recommended for long periods of time.
Try loud white noise, there’s a YouTube video which is about 10 hours that worked miracles for dd! The wooshing and heartbeat sounds comforted her and she slept in the Moses with it really well.

It does pass! Congratulations on your baby Smile

MiniMaxi · 02/04/2019 06:38

I came to say silent reflux too!

You could try a cocoonababy, our DS loved his.

Definitely no pillow though, sorry (only advised age 2 onwards)

terriblyoriginalusername · 02/04/2019 06:47

OP I have every sympathy. My first was like this and I know how relentless it feels. Not sure the pillow is a good idea, but a few suggestions to try;

Have you tried cosleeping? If you follow the guidelines it is perfectly safe. She might accept this as a substitute for being actually on you! It could work for daytime naps too.
Do you breastfeed? If you can work out how to feed lying down (may take a little practice!) then you might find you can feed her back to sleep sometimes during the night without properly getting up yourself.
If not BF, you and DH could do the night in shifts so both of you get a decent chunk of sleep.

Daytime, I reccomend a sling (stretchy wrap is lovely when they are tiny).
If you have helpful family or friends nearby (I know not everyone does), enlist as much help as possible. Otherwise do as little as possible, bare minimum cleaning /laundry, simple quick dinners etc.

I promise it will get easier!

user1493413286 · 02/04/2019 06:54

We put a rolled up towel under the legs of the Moses basket to elevate it and I used to put yet Moses basket mattress in bed with me while I fed so it was warm and smelt of me.

Middlrm · 02/04/2019 07:06

This this my little boy 17 weeks ago! I so sympathise.

We had the in arms or on a pillow between us with one of us staying awake watching him.

It lasted about 10-14 days.

I was breast feeding exclusively until that failed and I started dual feeding it was just on me and bless my husband he stayed up with me ( mostly because I was doing a nodding dog impreyuon feeding him ) once I was dual feeding we started taking the night in shifts, as dh could bottle feed ... so one of us would stay up with baby 9-2am while the other slept and then swap over ... so we were getting sleep ... honestly sit up and watch tv 📺 the little one won’t notice as linn as they are in arms they are happy.

They may have wind if they scream a lot our little guy did ( but took us about a month to figure that aspect out ) infracol made a huge difference ... as reduced that discomfort .. and we use tommiee tippee antincolic bottles ( you can buy individual ones at boots for half price at the moment if you want to trial one )

But honestly the baby prob isn’t going to sleep better for a while it’s luck of the draw but if you split the night for some sleep you will both feel so much better.

Whoever does the 9-am shift let them have an hour recharge before it starts ... helps stop the nodding dog impression.

It does get better out little guy was hard work until about 14 weeks old but was slightly less hard work as time goes on ... usually I get away with 2 feeds.. but I have a friend with a baby that slept 10:30- 4am from day one ( In 18 weeks that has happened 3 times for me ) but you adapt and nap when you can ( it’s hard I couldn’t do it for weeks as was busy trying to keep my sicky baby in clean dry clothes etc ... in the end just went out and brought about 20 baby grows 😂

You baby will be cooing and grinning at you in a few weeks and you will forget it all x

Middlrm · 02/04/2019 07:07

2 feeds now... any how x x

Original poster
Garageflower79 · 02/04/2019 07:08

Do you guys think changing the mattress in the Moses basket is worth a try? It's a kinder valley one. Maybe she finds it too hard?

Isn't second guessing children a joy

OP posts:
Tolleshunt · 02/04/2019 07:08

I remember this stage, it's so tough. A real baptism of fire. I had a refluxer too, though a lot of babies go through this stage to begin with. We also had a situation where she stayed awake for 9 hours straight on the first day home - those hours being between 9pm and 6am..... I remember feeling cheated that we weren't getting the naps every two hours we were promised at ante-natal classes.

We got through it by sleeping in shifts, so at least one of us could be holding DD. If I remember rightly, DH did a shift from about 8.30 till 12.30 in the evening, so I could sleep. Then we swapped. I also caught up a bit by napping in the afternoons at the weekend. By 12 weeks she had got into a predictable pattern, knew night from day, and it was all a lot more manageable, so we could drop the shift system.

Original poster
Garageflower79 · 02/04/2019 07:10

And thank you for all of your replies. It helps just to know that it's not just us!

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