Mother in law always turns up unexpected

[Newmum201888888]

What are your thoughts on guests turning up unexpected... all the time?

When me and my partner had moved out together his mum had got herself and the rest of the family keys cut while we where away without asking. (Yes probably being helpful... good to have spares)

But I came home from work one time early afternoon because I felt really unwell so I stripped off and got straight into bed to have a sleep. The buzzer went but I wasn’t expecting anyone or any deliveries so I just ignored it next thing I could hear my boyfriends mum outside the apartment door putting the key in so I jumped up and shouted “I need to get dressed”... I open the door and his dad, mum and their friend Elaine are standing there to come look at our new tiles. My partner didn’t think anything was weird about it and thought I was strange for being in bed at that time.

Now we have a baby she constantly turns up but whilst my partner is at work and she’ll bring his nephew along sometimes too. I don’t know about you mums but if I’m spending the whole day trying to clean sometimes I’m still in pjs until 5pm.

Yesterday she didn’t even ring the outside buzzer you let herself in the first door and knocked on the apartment door. It makes me feel uncomfortable because if I was in the bath or even on the toilet and couldn’t hear the door would she of just let herself in?

I don’t know if I’m just super anti social where I find this annoying or it is weird for someone to not call before they show up? and how would you address the situation to mil?

It’s not that I don’t want to see his mum but I could be doing anything at the time or the baby might be due a nap so if she’d let me know I could plan around it and maybe have a tidier apartment when she turns up.

(This is also the mil who started weening my baby on rusks before I had started weening her myself)

I would absolutely hate this.

Very simple op..
Lock changed..
Today.

Why on earth haven't you taken back those keys?

Tell your bloke he either reins his mother in or you're changing the locks and he isn't getting a key (just to full stop your point). Seriously, stand up for yourself.

Get the keys back or change the locks.

God no, take back control woman

Take back the keys or tell her she has to ring before coming. You are not being unreasonable at all, she is way out of line!

@thisnamechanger

I really do hate it! My partner is such a mummies boy and it will always be his mum before anyone else. If I say anything it turns into an argument about me being nasty about his mum. When really i’d just like him to say to his mum “oh if your popping round call to check she’s home” I feel like it’d come of rude if I said it and she already thinks I’m rude.(Probably because I don’t need to be spoon fed)

Next time he suggests sex tell him you can't possibly as his dm could walk in..
..

his mum had got herself and the rest of the family keys cut while we where away without asking

WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT????????

Time to have the locks changed because you 'lost' your key. Oops.

Can you put a chain on the door?

If he's such a man child then YOU need to lay down the law with MIL. Tell her nicely that it's lovely that she wants to visit, but in future she MUST ALWAYS check with you first, as one day you're going to end up calling the police thinking a burglar is trying to get into your house.

I'd also get a chain for the inside and a ring doorbell and keep it on whenever you're home alone. If she's so bloody rude that she thinks she can just let herself in.

Good grief, where do all these mad people come from, letting themselves and others into houses that are not theirs? I'd be going mad at her.

@adulthumanwolf

Yep... she was doing some painting whilst my partner and I where on holiday (which is lovely of her) but thought whilst she had the key she’d go get about 5 million copies cut haha. Mums net makes me feel like I’m not a loonatic and that this is weird?

That lock would have been changed the day after the first incident. Stop allowing this to happen. It is your home too, not just his.

Chain on the door. When my first DD was born I'd leave it on all day becuase of people just popping round.

It's not on at all, and i'd be telling DP that you will absolutely not allow it when you're home alone.

If he doesn't want to politely tell MIL to pack it in then you'll be putting a chain on, no arguments.

And who the fuck else has she had keys cut for?? How many?

Have you checked this doesn't invalidate your home insurance, having all kinds of randoms that don't live there having sets of keys?

Get DH to call her. He has to say that while her visits are appreciated she needs to let you know she is coming as life for you as a busy mum means you can't accommodate her just turning up. Also, keys are for emergency only and she shouldn't use them otherwise. If she is reasonable she will understand and that will be the end of it. If she kicks off or doesn't comply then change the locks and refuse to answer the door unless you are expecting her.

I could of written your post myself OP! We live in the country and a 2 minute walk from my in laws. MIL walks in all the time, at some point most days doesn't knock or say she's coming. I now lock my door, which is annoying because I used to leave the door open so our dog could come in and out. DH is a mummy's boy too and it just lands in an argument when I bring it out, he doesn't get that's it's a problem, says he walks into her house without knocking. Sorry I haven't really any advice but I know how you feel and how bloody annoying it is, it's really not normal!

She really needs to learn about boundaries.

I’d change the locks and put a chain on inside just I case your dh gives her a key, then only answer when you have advance notice and are happy for her to be there.

@adulthumanwolf

It’s so weird because she never does it when my partner is home. When I first started going back to work, if I needed dd minding I would tell her a time and she’d come round 3hrs earlier. Some mornings I’d get up and start getting ready at 5am if I didn’t need to leave the house until 1pm because I never knew when she’d just show up

Omg I'd HATE this. Hmmm where are YOUR keys to HER house ? 🤔 because I'd start doing the same.
It's ridiculous, you're a grown woman, you need your space and privacy, especially with a baby. I'd have a very strong word and if he starts saying "you're being nasty about my mum" tell him NO, YOU'RE BEING NASTY ABOUT ME!". Put a stop to it before you end up coming home to them cooking and carrying on. Ridiculous

I love my MiL but I'd go ballistic if she did this. You should be able to expect privacy in your own home! She's massively overstepping the boundaries. I'd be getting the keys back or changing the locks asap. It's worth considering that you have more of a DH problem than a MiL problem. You are his wife and he should be prioritising you over his mother now.

@erasure

Erm this is the woman who started feeding my child before I thought she was ready or had started weaning her myself and thinks I’m overreacting and doesn’t think she is wrong. I had only found this out 2 weeks ago and she’s showed up about 3 times unnannouced since (the first time to be confrontational and yesterday to see the baby and acted like nothing had happened and that I don’t hate her guts)

You definitely can't put up with it OP something has to be said to her...