Cant cope anymore

[Namechangemum100]

I am totally broken and I don't know what to do.

I have a just 2 year old and an 11 month old. For the past 2 months the 2 year old has been waking screaming throughout the night, which in the last week has escalated to an hour's worth of screaming before bed and then HOURS in the middle of the night. Obviously this eventually wakes the baby who then joins in, and this ignores that fact that he is still feeding twice a night. I am utterly broken, I haven't slept properly in 2 years and was hanging on by a thread but now this on top has totally broken me. I can't think clearly, I am snappy with the kids in the day, I hate who I have become and I'm ashamed to say I'm starting to resent them because I feel like they are torturing me.

Dh tries to help with the 2 year old, but she is so stubborn she doesn't doesn't give a sh*t to be honest. He can't help with the 11 month old because dispute being bottle fed he will only take milk from me.

We are heading towards divorce because life is so miserable right now.people say it gets better, but for us it's only getting worse. I seriously can't cope right now.

I know it won't help at the moment as you've heard it before,but it WILL pass.
This is the hardest time right now ,we all go through it ,things will get better .
Deep breath Op

As per my username my 2 year old DS is up again, he's been ill and now I'm ill and like you I've not really slept properly for 2 years and I really find myself at the end of my tether.

DH does his fair share and DS is our only child but I'm struggling. The relentlessness is overwhelming and I just feel like I never get a proper chance to catch my breath.

No advice, but you're not alone.

Just wanted to let you know your not alone I'm up wth my 10 month old who has done this continuously. He woke up at 9:30pm and I've only just got him down now - 4 hours of screaming hell. Me and my partner are always at each other's throats :( I don't know what to say but I hope it gets better too. Stay strong xx

Your defo not alone and it WILL get better. Hang in there and support each other 💐💕
Sorry no advice just be kind to yourself, try and sleep during the day.......maybe get a sitter and sleep x

Do you live in a detached house? Are you open to the toddler crying it out?

My friend recently had to remove anything dangerous from the room and just let her toddler be in the night because her DD was on six months of waking and screaming the house down and she has a 5 month old DS and is pregnant. It took four days but her DD went back to sleeping through the night.

If you are as serious as you say and you are sure both are well fed, not in pain and not thirsty then do what they recommend which is put them both in a room that is furthest from yours ( preferably downstairs while you are upstairs) and close the door.

Go to sleep and catch up with what you need over the next few days and do not go downstairs to either of them until a reasonable hour in the morning.

Keep that up until you can cope.

A 11 month old does not need night feeding and a 2 year old needs to establish a good sleep pattern.

If you can still hear them you will need noise cancelling earphones.

Good luck op and be kind to yourself and your DH.

Why is the 2 year old screaming? Nightmares? Or because she wants cuddles?

Hi OP.

You are in a very difficult place right now, two small children so close together is really really tough.

Can you rule out medical issues for the 2yo? Night terrors? I am wondering why she is screaming like this--is this something that has suddenly come on?

You might need to reshuffle your sleeping arrangements so that the 11mo is not woken up by the 2yo. Is is possible to temporarily move one of them to a downstairs room, assuming you live in a house not a flat? The 11mo needs to be night-weaned, from the sound of it--a healthy born-at-term 11mo does not need milk at night.

Thank you all for you words of support, I really do need it right now.

To answer a few questions, dds screaming seems to have no cause that I can identify, doesn't appear medical, I can only assume some kind of separation anxiety as she is just screaming "mummy cuddle, daddy cuddle, uppa (out of cot)"

Last night she ended up in bed with dh after 2 hours.

I don't want her to start sleeping with us, but honestly, how can anyone keep this up just laying her back down at 1am day after day for hours?

In regards to night weaning, there is nothing I want more than for him to stop having milk in the night, but it's a catch 22. If I stop giving him milk he screams and screams until he vomits. This then Wales 2 year old and then the hellish night with her begins.

Ds crying for milk at 4am this morning and the otpions were to leave him crying and be kept awake possibly until morning when IV had virtually no sleep because of the toddler, or give him a bottle and get a couple more hours.

It feels so impossible right now

It feels so h

OP, would you be open to cosleeping? I did for a while to get through the worst and at 3 she’ll mostly sleep all night in her bed now, it was a natural gradual change with no screaming. When they’re tiny they just want to know you’re close. My maxim was whatever gets the most sleep for the most people.

Look up white noise machines on Amazon. I have a two year old and a fourteen month old. They're in opposite rooms with white noise machines and don't hear eachother.

With the two year old we return, cuddle in the cot (about five seconds), lay him down and walk out. It used to take ages but now we only ever have to go in a maximum of twice. I'd say pick a method and stick to it.

The baby - if you normally offer 6oz, cut it to five for a couple of weeks (or a few days), then 4, 3,2....

I really feel for you op. I'll check in later x

I am open to co sleeping at this point, but to be honest I think it might push me to the edge, I already have them attached to me most of the day, so all night as well is going to leave me beyond fed up.

The both have had white noise since birth, god only knows how bad things would be if we didn't have that.

I would try co-sleeping. Could your DH co- sleep with the 2 year old for a while until you've caught up a bit and then maybe you could alternate?

I don't think I'd be trying to night wean right at this moment. I firmly believe that you need to be reasonably able to function from a sleep perspective yourself before you make changes otherwise you just end up even more tired.

I would do whatever it is that you think will get everyone the maximum amount of sleep right now. In a few weeks when you're not quite so exhausted you can think about things longer term.

Can anyone help you in the day to get a break? Family/nursery/babysitter so you can get some time away?

Having poor sleepers is beyond tough but it really, really doesn't last forever. This too shall pass.

Can you turn the white noise up louder? We have it loud enough so they can't hear eachother

Feel for you OP you can get through it though.
If they nap in the day knock it on the head
Take them for a walk in the park or even round your area
Try and be strong and stick to a routine plan it together with husband for the nights you do need to work together and come together to get through it
Seek help from your doctor or health visitor

I actually think part of the cause is the fact that she stopped napping around the time this all began, however I can't get her to nap, she just won't, she was even in the car at 1pm until 3pm last weekend as we had a hellish family event to go to, she barely blinked let alone slept

So sorry you're going through this.
I was actually about to post something similar. I have a one year old son and he's generally very good but I am really really struggling. I find myself getting so angry when he doesn't sleep etc. I hate who I'm becoming and like you,my marriage is rocky, because of it. I've actually just come on and saw your post after sitting for half an hour sobbing whilst listening to my son sob and scream!
I don't have much to offer but just to say you are so not alone in feeling over whelmed.
What's helped me somewhat now, is having a plan of action .. so we are going to put DS into nursery for two mornings a week (if budget will allow...:()Can you do something like this? When are you able to get breaks? Do you have any help? Xx

I am dreading tonight so much, on top of it all I now have a horrible cold and I am so tired I can barely see straight.

I've decided that when she kicks off I am just going to have to bring her in with me, I can't take anymore nights like this. We have been going in repeatedly to lay her back down, and I mean upwards of 50 times minimum and it has zero effect. The worst part is as each night goes by and I get more and more tired I'm finding myself getting more angry at her and I hate myself for feeling like that towards her but she is literally killing me right now.

Don't worry - feeling angry is totally normal! You wouldn't be human if you felt completely calm!
In my honest opinion - I really wouldn't put her in your bed - but that's just me! I know it seems like the easiest option now but in the long run it might not work for you? This really isn't me being judgemental as you are obviously at breaking point.
Have you thought about getting a sleep consultant in? Or a very highly experienced night nanny , to help you for say, two nights , to get into a better routine (they can do the hard work for you!) ?

Xxx

What would happen if you let her fall asleep in your bed and carried her to her own? Failing that as pp's have said, whatever achieves the most sleep for you right now is important. If you're primary care giver, you definitely need your rest.

I’d just keep her in your bed until this crappy phase passes.
You are so tired it’s making you ill and angry and it’s having a negative effect on your mental health.
Do what it takes to get some decent sleep and don’t worry about the ‘making a rod for your back’ crap.
You NEED some quality sleep.

I ended up co sleeping with one of mine for 12 years op, on and off until he decided he'd rather sleep on his own

I think they say that even if you aren't asleep, you can induce your child to by deep breaths where your child naturally falls into the same rhythm.

So have them snuggled next to you and then keep fairly still and close your eyes and breath deeply until they or you fall asleep. You can then move away a bit to give yourself space and then read or do something relaxing.

Have everything you need at hand so a cup of water, laptop etc.

I think you are going to have to put your need for sleep first and this worked well for us with one of ours.

Another night in hell.

45 minutes of screaming and continuous re- laying back down before bed, I went to bed at 730 without eating for the second night in a row because what's the f*cjing point. Baby awake to be fed at 930, toddlers midnight screaming starts at 1230 and still going (140am)...baby will probably wake in the next hour for another feed, and then my day starts at 530am.

Is this really my life?

230am and she's still going strong

In your situation I would put a cheap double bed in your toddlers room and get your dh to sleep in with the toddler and you sleep in your bed only getting up to feed the baby. You just have to go for whatever maximises sleep. We did this with our eldest and by age 3 he was old enough for us to explain (bribe) him to sleep in his own bed on his own. So we had about a year not sleeping in the same room (me and dh) but at least we both got some sleep!