Cant cope anymore

[Namechangemum100]

I am totally broken and I don't know what to do.

I have a just 2 year old and an 11 month old. For the past 2 months the 2 year old has been waking screaming throughout the night, which in the last week has escalated to an hour's worth of screaming before bed and then HOURS in the middle of the night. Obviously this eventually wakes the baby who then joins in, and this ignores that fact that he is still feeding twice a night. I am utterly broken, I haven't slept properly in 2 years and was hanging on by a thread but now this on top has totally broken me. I can't think clearly, I am snappy with the kids in the day, I hate who I have become and I'm ashamed to say I'm starting to resent them because I feel like they are torturing me.

Dh tries to help with the 2 year old, but she is so stubborn she doesn't doesn't give a sh*t to be honest. He can't help with the 11 month old because dispute being bottle fed he will only take milk from me.

We are heading towards divorce because life is so miserable right now.people say it gets better, but for us it's only getting worse. I seriously can't cope right now.

I'd look into a sleep consultant (it saved my friend who had two terrible sleepers) and speak to HV about any support they can give.

Please take some time to yourself OP, even if it's just a short walk or a bath.

I have made an appointment with the gp for this afternoon as I feel myself spiralling out of control,night think I need some antidepressants or something to get me through this because I am at an all time low after yet another night of hell.

Did you put the two year old in with you last night?
Gp sounds like a good call

Yes, she slept with dh from 3am onwards as neither of us can cope with the midnight screaming anymore and it's making the baby vomit

Good call on the GP, I hope they can help.

Tonight if you can I would move the toddler into bed with DH as soon as you go to bed (which should be as early as possible). Don't wait for them to wake up. The real benefit of co-sleeping once you get to this point is being able to catch the wake up early before it escalates. Once they've woken up enough to get you up too it often takes a long time to wind them back down.

I understand that this isn't the approach you would choose but right now I honestly think you need to do anything at all that might get you some more sleep.

From a childcare perspective I have heard really good things about Sitters. Perhaps you could look at having someone come for a few hours on Saturday so you can have a break?

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a way of torture to extract info from people! I think a antidepressant or anti anxiety Rx is definitely needed. Your daughter sounds like she hasn't adjusted to having a sibling competing for your attention-at night she can't see or hear you and she gets anxious. I know you don't believe me but things will get better it's just hell getting through it

OP, I only have a 11-month old but I completely understand what you're saying. I've not slept properly for 11 months, I'm always tired and cross, I get so frustrated when the little one cries for the umpteenth time I say stupid things to my husband like 'I hate her, take her away'. You're not alone.

We used a sleep consultant service a while ago called WellVine. It was only £20 a month for unlimited calls. It didn't quite work for us, but has worked for my friends. Maybe give them a go?

Bit of a different suggestion as its not long term, but could you afford a babysitter? For a few hours one evening or Sat/Sun morning. It won't help with the sleep but the two of you could have a dinner out or a trip to the cinema. It'll help you reconnect and if you can find someone to take them out one weekend, you could nap for a while.

Don't worry if they wake for the babysitter - its what they are there for!

Oh OP - your posts have made me feel so sad and it transported me back to the hell I had with my first son.

He was horrendous at night with his sleep and he didn’t nap in the day either. I was so, so exhausted and probably got about 4-5 hours of broken sleep a night. Sometimes he’d wake up at 1am and still be awake at 3am. Life was so bleak, I can’t even explain how much I dreaded every day. Me and my DH argued all the time, it was awful. I found it so so hard and sometimes when my son was crying throughout the night I would just go into another room and cry. I used to ring my husband at work in the middle of the day and just cry and tell him I couldn’t cope anymore because after hours of walking the streets the baby still wouldn’t have slept. I was so tired all the time and it got to the point where I just couldn’t cope anymore. I loved him but I had stopped liking him. I dreaded every day with him and every night too - I just didn’t find anything enjoyable about him. I was exhausted and so, so low and it was alone because of him.

I was then recommended a Sleep Consultant and I went for it because I didn’t know what else to do. My son was about 9 months old at this point.

Anyhow - the Sleep Consultant was amazing and within a week I had a baby that had two naps during the day (each one 90 minutes long) and then slept through the night from 7pm-6am. It was phenomenal. She saved my life, she saved my marriage and she saved my relationship with my son. I can’t even explain how much better our lives became. It was the best money we have ever spent because after months and months of hell it was sorted within the week. It was just amazing.

If you want her details then send me a private message

How did you get on at the GP? I've been thinking of you.

Thank you for checking in on me, same story as every for last night, no respite there.

Dr has prescribed antidepressants for the next 6 months to try to get me through this patch, not really sure if it's the right decision or not but feel so hopeless right now that it seems like the only option.

Have you given any more thought to someone coming in to help with the nights?

When ds2 was born, ds1 was only 12 months old and still woke in the night. Ds2 was quite poorly so never seemed to sleep and we seemed to up pretty much all night. I found a really lovely woman who "took over" ds1 at night and gently got him sleeping through the night in 3 nights. He wasn't hysterical like your child but it may be something to give serious thought to. I really do feel your pain.

Keep updating us if you can OP, thinking of you often.
You are in the trenches of motherhood right now. Everything is dark, relentless and (seemingly)endless. Not everyone has to go into the trenches, some of us make it out sooner than others. You know you’re in them if you feel you can’t take anymore.

Op can you ask the health visitor to come round?
Can you invest some money in a sleep consultant to sleep train your toddler?

You said you can be in DD room up to 50 times putting her down, have you tried not going in? She knows screaming gets you to go in, she must be exhausted as well. I'd put her to bed go downstairs and don't go back in when she starts, it's hard but it may work, also stop feeding DS during night or he's going to end up never sleeping.

Thinking of you OP and like others I straight Recommend a sleep consultant. Even if you have to borrow the money. It'll be the best money ever spent

Sometimes the pressure of not knowing how to handle it is much worse and you just need someone to tell you what to do. They have seen it all before and are experienced so will know how to best deal with it.

Your DD's behaviour is not normal OP. Please get some help! Antidepressants may make you feel a bit more cheerful, but when you're chronically sleep-deprived, as you and your DH are, you need something to actually address the problem - and the problem is your DD's night waking. If you can afford it, or if you can beg the money from your parents, please get a sleep consultant to help you. You can't go on like this. It's ruining your sanity and your marriage - neither of which are things you want to lose. You need help now!

@Namechangemum100 How are you getting on now? really hoping things are better for you xx