Dad getting up early is this fair? How do you do it?

[SnowWhite26]

Hi
So I am feeling guilty as us mums do and just wanted to see what ppl thought. So I have a 3.5 year old and nearly 7 month old. They have been in a room together for nearly a month and apart from odd morning haven't disturbed each other. My oh is working im on mat leave. So I do night feeds (Normally one bottle) baby somtimes goes straight bk to sleep sometimes decides to chat for half an hour or so. Then for about 5 45 onwards if baby wakes i want oh to deal with it so i can sleep a bit. Sometimes I am awake at night for 1.5-2 hrs coz he is chatting and in awake listening. This morning baby woke at 4.45 so i gave him anotyer bottle but he didnt want it i cuddlled him and put him down but he woke up

@Caterina99 that sounds completely fair and balanced and is exactly how it works in our house too. Everyone has to compromise a bit as that's how families work!

Split up the work based on how mutually exhausted you are, if one parent is regularly more rested or mentally refreshed than the other, they can do more or less. He's ultimately missing out if he doesn't grab some mornings with them at least, the days can seem slow, but they go fast enough, each day is a day in the memory bank for everyone.

I’m on mat leave atm with our 4 month old. I do all of the bedtime routine/night feeds/settling etc BUT my OH comes home and cooks dinner, then has play/cuddle time while I tidy kitchen and get ready for bath, bottle, bed starting at 6 (we eat at 5.30 as we like to settle down after that). If he’s not working extra at weekends, he does the first morning bottle and I have a lie in.

We still split chores as we always have; he does cooking, food shopping, DIY and maintenance, while I do all cleaning, washing, paying bills etc. I am happy to do this as he is taking on extra work at weekends to support us atm, as I am normally a decent earner.

None of this is because I’m a mug or he’s lazy, it’s just what works for our family at the moment. When I return to work full time (I’m a teacher with lots of leadership responsibilities) we will adjust the parenting split again as he’ll be home earlier than me, and we’ll certainly 50/50 the night wakes at this point.

You’ve just got to hash it out until you find what works for your family.

My DH - partner Corporate Law - would always get up with our son who used to wake daily at 5.30. I would sleep in until 7am and then he would dress and go to work. He tended to get hom at around 8pm so he knew even when I was stay at home I would have a 13 hour shift with DS.

I didn't need to ask. He just did it as he is nice, it was his child too and he still thinks going to work in a stressful job in law was still an easier option than childcare.

If my son wakes up any time after 6, I nudge him awake and he gets up to him. I put my earplugs in and have a deep sleep until 7:30 when my DH goes to work. It's great as I can actually switch off and don't need to be on alert. I also head to bed between 8-9 and DH tends to him until 10 when he comes to bed. Even if I don't sleep, this gives me some down time. We then split the weekend so one of us will do the night shift, then the other will get up to him in the morning. Works for us!

No I wouldn't expect my DH to do weekday nights if he worked and I was on maternity leave.

Yes he should be helping out sometimes. What will happen when you go back to work? You both need sleep, sleep is important working or not working and if you’re up in the night as well you must be shattered!

I have 3 children, the youngest is 12 months and still breastfeeds.
She wakes a lot in the night and I deal with her every time.
I start back at work soon but I will still do the same.
Consequently my dh gets up with the other 2 every morning and wakes me and the baby in time for him to go to work.
We've never discussed or debated it, it just seems obvious.

I let dh sleep all night and get up at 5.30/6ish with the baby, the. Dh gets up at 6.30 and we swap, I go back to bed for an hour or so he does the morning routine. I find him doing that and letting me get dressed for the day in peace once I wake up really sorts me out as I get a break mentally on the weekends aswell as a bit more sleep

I am a SAHP I should say and my dh works so I would expect him to do it in the week, he needs to be rested to do his job properly and in turn provide for us