Would you let 17-y-o son go on overseas trip alone with his girlfriend?

[Golgo13]

17 year old son has been making plans for the summer holidays, after Lower Sixth [year 12] and before Upper Sixth [year 13].
What started as a trip to France or Italy "with some mates" has become "just with girlfriend" - and he's asking for us to help out with costs.
The girl's mum has apparently given it the green light [I can check this] but wife and I are not comfortable with it.
He'll be 18 in November, so we might be being unreasonably pessimistic about his ability to take care of himself, but something doesn't feel right about letting an under-18 go off with under-18 girlfriend on an overseas trip...it's too much too soon
Compromise might be "if you can fund it, we won't stop you, because you'll be 18 within 3 months of the trip, but don't expect us to subsidise this"

What is your main concern? Is it his safety? The cost? Or something else?

I’d let him go, but I wouldn’t be paying for it.

I think if there’s any chance he’ll be off backpacking round Asia after upper sixth that a week or so this summer is a good idea.
You can’t wrap them up till they’re 18 then expect them to survive in the world.

No I wouldn't.

Although, I think there is less chance of him getting into trouble with his gf or just one friend than with a group of mates.

They can have a UK break this year and a foreign holiday next year.

I think paying for it themselves is also a good idea. Maybe pay towards next year's holiday as a 'congrats on your a-levels' present.

He's 17. I don't think you'd be reasonable to prevent him going away with his gf, but you might decide you don't want to help cover the costs. That would seem fair.

Just out of curiosity, what is the problem with them holidaying together? Do they stay the night together at home?

That is the question....Safety wise, he's probably better off with girlfriend than with mates. Cost isn't such a big deal. Must be something else.
Wife is a bit squeamish about them sleeping together, and I'm just a bit annoyed by the sense of entitlement...

Nope. In most European countries at age 17 he is still a minor. All the things he might be looking forward to like alcohol and certain activities will off limits. Better to wait until he is 18 and enjoy a holiday closer to home.

My dd went to Paris with her boyfriend. They were 16 and 17, I trusted both of them, but they paid and organised the whole trip themselves and had already been together for 2 years. My ds is 18, he wouldn't have a clue where to start with a trip like that. I would let him go if he funds and organises it

Thanks for all the viewpoints - I know a lot depends on the individual...
Not sure if this is the issue with us, but they've been together 4 months, I think...

@SuziQ10 - girlfriend did stay over one night after a party, because transport back to hers was difficult...but as a rule, they are not sleeping together "under our roof" right now.

He 17 ffs. He's basically an adult, and should be able to look after himself.

I went on holiday abroad with my friends at 16, then with boyfriends from 17 onwards.

Kids grow up. Gets used to it and don't treat them like they're doing something wrong.

I don't see the problem, he's almost an adult.

But I wouldn't be paying for it to be honest and I would be annoyed if he thought that you would pick up the cost for him

I went to Paris with 3 schoolfriends to stay with a girl who had transferred from our school to Paris (her parents were away) for a weekend when I was 15 or 16.

I went to Amsterdam with a mixed group of friends when I was 17.

There was a bit of smoking hash, some drinking, some running out of money, some falling in fountains but they are some of the best memories of my teen years.

Almost an adult but not. If there is no trouble then all will be fine but if there are any problems with police or hospitals then they will need an adult to sign paperwork. Don't forget they will need insurance Will they get it without adult supervision?

Refuse to pay, but don't fight the holiday. If he finds the funds, that should reassure responsibility wise.
If he doesn't and can't go then it's not you forbidding the holiday. Its his inability to fund it stopping it.

I dont think you can tell him no. But you dont have to fund it if you dont want to! I dont personally see why you are against it now it's just with girlfriend though... surely as pp said it's actually likely to be safer with just the two of them... a group of lads together at that age would probably pose more of a risk!

I went to Venice with my boyfriend at that age... he had just turned 18 himself though. It was perfectly fine. Had a great time!

Would you have paid if he was going with his mates?

If he can pay for it then of course let him go.

If he feels he can manage and has the funds then I can't think of a good argument to stop him. He will never develop his self sufficiency if he sits at home being told what to do. If he's expecting you to pay then obviously that's different, he needs to fund his own travel.
There's a difference between age of majority and age of consent. They will be fine and legal in most countries sharing a room, although legally still minors.

Where are they staying? I know some hotels won’t allow minors to check in alone.

I went to Paris aged 19 with my boyfriend who was only 17 (upper 6th).
But those were more lax times (everyone served us in bars) and we organised it (suspect his parents helped with his coach fare).
I would say you'll help with the costs once they've sourced and paid for suitable insurance and booked everything. And ask them about age limits - drinks, clubs, but also adventure type stuff.

I think you need to get a grip. At 16 I had a job and a boyfriend and we were regularly off for holidays and weekends away. It never even occured to me to ask 'permission' I just went.

Also the 'not under my roof' ridiculousness needs to stop. They aren't little children and if you haven't taught him by now how to have safe sex and behave responsibly well...........That's your fault.

Not wanting to fund it, fair enough. But you can't stop him.

I completely understand the way you feel but I would still let my DS go.

I would help out with costs but he would have to earn it by doing stuff for me.

I let my dd go but with the boyfriends family (they paid for her) and it was in the U.K. I would suggest that you day fine but suggest camping in the U.K. - the Peak District for instance is very accessible by train but using buses is cheaper! I would be more concerned about a mates holiday to be frank! Don't kid yourself, they will be up to whatever whether you sanction a holiday or not!

He is 17. I went on holiday with the lads at 15. It seems we just want to wrap our children up in cotton wool. If he goes to Germany he can drink as well!