Would you let 17-y-o son go on overseas trip alone with his girlfriend?

[Golgo13]

17 year old son has been making plans for the summer holidays, after Lower Sixth [year 12] and before Upper Sixth [year 13].
What started as a trip to France or Italy "with some mates" has become "just with girlfriend" - and he's asking for us to help out with costs.
The girl's mum has apparently given it the green light [I can check this] but wife and I are not comfortable with it.
He'll be 18 in November, so we might be being unreasonably pessimistic about his ability to take care of himself, but something doesn't feel right about letting an under-18 go off with under-18 girlfriend on an overseas trip...it's too much too soon
Compromise might be "if you can fund it, we won't stop you, because you'll be 18 within 3 months of the trip, but don't expect us to subsidise this"

But were you going to fund it if he was going with a group of friends? And now you're not funding it, purely because you don't like the idea that a young man three months off eighteen will be having sex with his girlfriend?

You'd have died if you were my parents. I busked around Europe for the best part of a summer with my boyfriend at seventeen funded entirely by ourselves though in fairness we nearly starved more than once--. It was absolutely wonderful.

Yes I did this, you have to let them grow up sometime

Simple isn't it? Want to behave like a grown up? Pay for it like a grown up would! Doesn't matter if it's with a gf or a group of mates.

But changing the offer to help pay for it because it's with his gf rather than friends has put you in a pickle. Either own it-no I won't pay for you to shag your gf abroad because I'm squeamish about it or pay for it and suck it up! (After all on a lads holiday he could have been shagging a different girl(s?!) each night!)

I’d be much keener on this trip than a week in ayia napa with his mates getting out of it every night and shagging randoms.

I’m not sure why your wife is ‘squemish’ about them sleeping together, they’ve been able to consent for a year!. I would let him go but not pay towards it.

I would say yes. I'd also help out a little with costs if DS showed that he could also contribute.

The age of consent is 16 - so no reason to ban anything based on age.

The only problem may lie in getting hotels as they are under 18 . Also check holiday insurance etc.

Probably end up being safer than going with a gang of lads tbh.

My DS will be abroad with his girlfriend for his 18th birthday at the end of July. I won't deny I gulped a bit, but of course he can go. I will be singing Happy Birthday down the phone to him though.

And we are helping to fund it too.

It really sounds like from your post OP the only reason you’re uncomfortable about it is because they will most likely have sex on this holiday.

He’s wrong to expect you to pay for it, but he’s old enough to go away, loads of people when I was in sixth form started going on trips with friends or girlfriends.

I wasnt in a position to go abroad at that age, but I did leave home at 17 and didn't see my folks for several weeks or more at a time.

Does he have a part time job?
I would want an agreement as to how much he is saving towards it too

No way would I pay for this. I'd position it as we've already budgeted for a family holiday /school trips and are saving to support you at uni. Unfortunately we're not able to pay for additional holidays for you with friends or girlfriends.
Really I would not want him going with girlfriend but I would not say that. If he can earn the money, he can go. I would not be paying for him to do jobs around the house either. I expect the idea will wither on the vine.

I can't understand those saying they'd let them go but not pay for it...... Where else do teens get money if they don't have a job or have a job but get min wage on a very part time basis?

Those saying they won't pay, do your kids have pocket money from grandparents or something??

Another voice who says yes, I would let him go - but I wouldn't be paying for it. My DC1 (a boy) is 17 this summer (also Y12), for context.

Ssd, no my children don't have money from any other source. However, if they are old enough to plan this sort of 'adult' trip, they're old enough to find ways to fund it (holiday jobs, etc - not me paying them to do things. If I could afford to pay someone to do things, I'd be paying a cleaner).

I’d just tell him to pay for himself. It’s a bit cheeky that he’s asking you to fund his holidays!

Fair enough boarding, but I don't agree with you

IME at age 17 they are old enough to have a serious relationship and want to go abroad with their partner but they probably aren't able to find it. If they are still at school or starting uni they will be hard pressed to find a well paying job to fund holidays. As a parent it's my choice to help him out at this time. Of course I don't need to bother, it depends on yourself.

So do you all pay for your 17 year olds to go on a family holiday with you?

Would you give them money towards this instead?

Weary: no, they do not turn into 7 year olds. They are inexperienced, but they retain their intelligence....and they are a phonecall away.

ssd, fair enough. However, there are many parents (myself included) who can't afford holidays full stop (I last took the DC on holiday - a wet week camping in Norfolk - in 2012). So no, I won't be making a contribution to any of my DC going on holiday in any kind of foreseeable future. And this isn't a 'choice' I'm making. It's the hard economic facts.

I understand boarding. We're on very low wages but have very low mortgage so we've recently been able to go abroad for 5 days with ds, before that it was Scarborough all the way.

I think you making it that hes asking you to help fund it but really you just don't want him to go with gf.
if he was going with mates would you want to help with costs?

I'm fairly sure I was 17 when I went to Australia with my boyfriend for the summer between year 1&2 of college.

Make sure they are using effective contraception. Make sure they have health insurance. Give them a spare ‘ brick’ brick phone just acpay as you go.
Maybe part funding as birthday present - an interail ticket say. Then let him earn some money from jobs around the house or saving his allowance.
Then wave them off happily.
I went to Brazil with a friend at 16 years. My youngest went to Qatar for two months on her own at 17. All of them went to Switzerland each summer, travelling alone from about 14 years. My son was working in Yemen at 18. All went interailing and hosteling with the odd foreign festival thrown in between finishing school and starting university/work.
You have to let them grow up.

Yes, assuming OP's son has no physical or mental disabilities that would make this trip risky: It's France or Italy, not Mogadishu.