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Parenting

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Original poster

My ex husband stopping my children meeting me partner

68 replies

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 12:07

My husband has our children, no court orders or nothing. I left him (nye 2017) and he told me if I took the kids he would make my life hell and get them taken off me, (I suffer from eupd) emotionally unstable personality disorder. He was very nasty and I got solicitor involved and ended up with seeing the children in the contact centre every week supervised, now it’s unsupervised but still has to be in the centre. I have been with my new partner for a year now and they have never met. I’m expecting a baby (due may) with new partner and I am now getting our children every Saturday for 6 hours but my partner can’t be present. How long can he keep doing his for,I obviously have social work involve with unborn because Of mental health. But my partner is not a risk at all, it’s the only thing my ex husband can use against me etc. My solicitor has asked for my social works name etc so they can put a report in to say it’s getting ridiculous now and to say my partner isn’t a risk. Just wanted to know if anyone has been thru something similar. It’s stressing me out and I want everyone to get on

OP posts:

Huggybear16 · 01/03/2019 14:31

If you are only seeing your children for 6 hours on a Saturday, why do you want your partner to be present?

It's YOUR contact time with YOUR children - I think your exH may have a point (unless there's something else going on that you haven't said).

Your partner is not their dad and this is still a relatively new relationship. You have only been separated from your ExH for a year and you're pregnant with a new man already.

I can totally understand why he wants contact to be with you only. That is what is best for your children, and that should be your priority too.

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 14:52

Yes I totally agree with you there. I've been seeing them over a year every week. It's always been me. Yes over a year with new partner. We live together. Baby due soon. He's doing it because he can and its just an excuse. He's moved on and moved his new gf in before me and my partner started living together. I've not once questioned his life. They've never met him in a year that's pretty good considering most mothers introduce new partners weeks or just a few months.

OP posts:

greendale17 · 01/03/2019 14:57

**If you are only seeing your children for 6 hours on a Saturday, why do you want your partner to be present?

It's YOUR contact time with YOUR children**

^I agree

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Jakethekid · 01/03/2019 15:02

MOST mothers don't introduce new partners (of a year) within weeks or a few months. Some may but not most. Maybe your ex is worried about your children feeling replaced? You seem to have moved on with your life pretty quickly.

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:03

You only see your kids 6 hours a week and your main concern is your partner not being there? Wow. And a new baby is coming into all this?

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:04

Given that your contact is still within the centre you should be focusing on working towards having normal contact, with your kids on your own.

Jakethekid · 01/03/2019 15:05

This is the man that is raising your children basically sigle handedly full time. Do you not think he has the children's best intrests in mind?

Doyoumind · 01/03/2019 15:08

I do actually believe your children should meet your DP before the new baby arrives. It may not be ideal but the new baby is their sibling and should be a part of their life. As the baby will be part of their life, they should know its father.

NotANotMan · 01/03/2019 15:09

I think, as you have a challenging mental health diagnosis and you have a good functional contact arrangement you should probably respect your ex's views and keep him out of contact for the next year or so.

You could apply for a court order which might award you more contact/more decision making during contact but it would be expensive, time consuming and adversarial for probably little gain.

saxatablesalt · 01/03/2019 15:11

he told me if I took the kids he would make my life hell and get them taken off me

Have the people criticising the OP actually read the thread because that sounds like typically abusive behaviour to me.

My mum was with my EA Dad for fifteen years because she said, and I quote, I knew that if I left and took you with me he would take you away from me and I would never see you again.

She was absolutely right.

Pishogue · 01/03/2019 15:12

They've never met him in a year that's pretty good considering most mothers introduce new partners weeks or just a few months

This isn't true at all in my experience. And, in the nicest possible way, OP, the most obvious reason your children have not met your new partner is because you only see them for a few hours a week in a contact centre. Which, unless there's something you haven't told us, not because your new partner is considered a risk to your children, but because you are.

I'm confused as to why your concern is not towards working towards doing whatever you can to aid having more time with your children, rather than them meeting your new partner?

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:14

No my main concern isn't that my partner isn't there. I see them out with contact centre but pick up and drop off at the centre. He's not doing it single handed either. He moved his new gf in within weeks of us separating. I was very unhappy for a number of years.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:16

Sax we only have OP's side on this. How do we know that he maybe didn't say something like this because her mental health was damaging the kids? The fact that contact had to be supervised in a centre says a lot.

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:19

It's in the middle of going to court. He's the one been playing for time and ignoring solicitors letters. He tells the children all the time they are never ever allowed to come to my house etc. Daddy says he hates your guts mummy. He moved his new GF in within weeks of kicking me out of our home. He blackmailed me, saying if I got solicitors involved (before I actually did) he would make up lies like I abused the children etc. He actually done this but nothing could be proven as he would of been as much to blame as the apparent time of the abuse was when I was still with him. He's a narsassic horrible human. He moved on quicker than me and wanted control. All he's got is my mental health to play against me but it was OK to leave me with the children for days on end when he was away working from home?

OP posts:

Jakethekid · 01/03/2019 15:20

If this was the other way around the man would be condemned in those situation. He may have moved his gf in but he is the only actual parent doing the majority of the parenting.

How old are the children? Do you pay child support? What's to stop you taking him to court to get joint custody?

Jakethekid · 01/03/2019 15:21

Cross post with your last post. Apologies

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:22

He wanted it supervised, he had the children so he could decide what he wanted. I had to agree otherwise I wouldn't of started seeing them. I had the report from the centre. 5 page report on A4 paper saying how well it went for the 6 weeks and they don't believe it should of been supervised in the first place. He controlled 6 and a half years of my life and told me if I ever left him he would make my life hell. I stayed because I didn't want to affect the children. He has done everything he can for himself.

OP posts:

IggyPoppers · 01/03/2019 15:22

In the kindest way possible you're priorities are all wrong. You think your current partner is ok but your judgement isn't great. Is question it purely on the basis of what kind of man gets an unstable woman who has already lost residence of her current children pregnant? I'd ask the social worker what was appropriate and follow it. Being adversarial isn't going to help you or the kids.

Pishogue · 01/03/2019 15:22

Have the people criticising the OP actually read the thread because that sounds like typically abusive behaviour to me.

It's possible that this is true, but there's also the fact that social services remain involved with the OP, and appear to have ongoing concerns about her MH and its impact on her unborn baby, and she is only allowed contact with her other children weekly via a contact centre. That sounds like more than a spiteful threat from a spurned ex.

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:30

I have not lost any residency. Its not even went to court yet! I was getting legal aid to help with costs. I've recently moved in with my partner properly within the last 4 weeks! There are no social work involved our children. I am managing my mental health with medication, he is using my mental health as an excuse with no substantial evidence.. He knows I suffer obviously cause we were together for nearly 7 years. The children were never taken off me by nobody. He literally told me to leave he was very abusive and horrible. He always told me I was nothing and he was above me cause he had to issues.

OP posts:

Original poster

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:34

My solicitor is very good and is doing the best he can for me. He knows their father is wasting time by all this crap. Playing the mental health card when he knows fine well I can cope. It's because I left him and he couldn't deal with the fact I didn't want him anymore, he said at the start. I don't want to see you cause you hurt me so I don't want you near me or the kids. This has been going on for a year and I've had solicitors involved since February last year.

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:35

When you left him, where did you go?

IggyPoppers · 01/03/2019 15:37

Then you left your kids with a man you say is abusive? Why didn't you take your children with you? You have lost residency of them because you left without them. It very well may have been the best thing to do for you but I can see why people would hesitate to think the introduction of a new man and baby is a good idea for your kids.

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 15:38

I stuff me to give that if there were no concerns about the welfare of your children you would be forced to have contact in a contact centre and only once a week. Why would they automatically believe your ex on your ability to look after your children and decide you only got supervised access once a week. I think you are holding back information here OP. We're social services involved before you split?

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 15:39

"I stuff me to give" should actually be, I struggle to believe.

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