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Original poster

My ex husband stopping my children meeting me partner

68 replies

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 12:07

My husband has our children, no court orders or nothing. I left him (nye 2017) and he told me if I took the kids he would make my life hell and get them taken off me, (I suffer from eupd) emotionally unstable personality disorder. He was very nasty and I got solicitor involved and ended up with seeing the children in the contact centre every week supervised, now it’s unsupervised but still has to be in the centre. I have been with my new partner for a year now and they have never met. I’m expecting a baby (due may) with new partner and I am now getting our children every Saturday for 6 hours but my partner can’t be present. How long can he keep doing his for,I obviously have social work involve with unborn because Of mental health. But my partner is not a risk at all, it’s the only thing my ex husband can use against me etc. My solicitor has asked for my social works name etc so they can put a report in to say it’s getting ridiculous now and to say my partner isn’t a risk. Just wanted to know if anyone has been thru something similar. It’s stressing me out and I want everyone to get on

OP posts:

monal · 01/03/2019 16:21

ShabbyAbby, it hasn't even been to court yet! Contact so far has been dictated by the father.

Pishogue · 01/03/2019 16:22

So, are you saying it is your ex-husband, not SS, who is mandating for the contact only being via a contact centre, and who has determined the amount of time you get together?

ShabbyAbby · 01/03/2019 16:24

I never said it had been to court just that social services would not be involved with a new baby or other kids just on basis of that diagnosis
It's a nonsense

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Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 16:26

Yes I think trying to introduce a new partner to your kids when you only see them once a week is a bad decision, I also think getting pregnant was a bad decision. Your kids might be excited about the prospect of a new baby now but that's because they are children.

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 16:27

What Dragon said.

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 16:27

Drogos even! 🤦‍♀️

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/03/2019 16:32

I think you need to play the long game here. Currently, there is no court order and rightly or wrongly your ExH is currently holding the children.
However, you are in the process of going to court you have good reports from the contact centre and it is highly likely that the courts will put into place regular contact arrangements. You will then be able to introduce your partner as your ExH will have no say.
Keep building your relationship at the moment and work towards getting a court order.

JayneyMc4 · 01/03/2019 16:40

Every time I'm online I discover a new condition 'EUPD', sorry what?
You have 3 kids under 7 who you left with an abusive man, why not take the kids? Think of your kids in this; they've lost their mum who has very quickly got pregnant; probably think you're replacing them, don't know how you could consider a new baby when you barely have a life with your existing kids. Your decisions all come across as very selfish.

Motherofcreek · 01/03/2019 16:42

Im not judging you op

Just keep following your solicitors advice. You ex sounds incredibly controlling and I hope your getting the right support

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 16:49

EUPD I'm guessing is emotionally unstable personality disorder.

NoCauseRebel · 01/03/2019 16:49

Well, we’re only getting your side of the story here and even with allegations of his abuse thrown in you’re not coming across incredibly well tbh.

So you got together with someone else straight away (clearly. Not that devastated about the loss of your children then that you couldn’t move on) got pregnant, and no, I don’t buy the amount of unplanned pregnancies which seem to always happen in these situations, far too much of a whiff of coincidence there IMO, and you have moved in the new partner and are starting a nice little family while you see your other kids for a couple of hours a week?

You ask should you have had an abortion? Well I’ll be blunt. It’s obviously your body, your choice etc etc but in your situation with three children you have already lost I would have had an abortion yes, and on the whole I am of the opinion that I personally couldn’t have one, but there is always an exception IMO.

If this was my ex they would be lucky to even get supervised access tbh. Added to which, isn’t time in a contact centre incredibly difficult to get? You can’t just decide that you want your ex to have contact in a contact centre and they oblige can you? You’re clearly not telling us the whole story here.

FWIW I know someone who was in a similar situation, children were removed from the mother’s care, mother went on to have more children which she kept. Older children are no contact with both her and the half siblings and are under no illusions as to what kind of mother she was.

Motherofcreek · 01/03/2019 16:51

Gob smacked at some of the responses on here. Posters completely ignoring what the ex husband has done.

op who has mental health issues, had to leave her abusive ex, who threatened she would never see them again if she took them,he then immediate moved his new bird in, he then reduced op to contact center visits - that’s was suggested by any one official, and now even though his bird moved in straight away op can’t introduce her partner of a year - to whom she’s having a baby too.

Yes yes, it’s op - she must have done something else.....

Or is it she isn’t as eloquent as most on here and posters are looking down their judgy noses at her

IndigoDream · 01/03/2019 16:55

Does your new boyfriend have any other children? Any criminal convictions? Has he met with your social worker?

cometinmoominvalley · 01/03/2019 17:23

I can't believe the callous and judgemental replies of (some) posters on here. This is clearly a complex situation and the OP is someone who obviously needs help, support and good advice. It just seems quite bullying to me, this is a vulnerable person with very poor mental health! What happened to being kind?

SparklySneakers · 01/03/2019 17:29

Having had SS involvement due to a malicious ex, there's more to this than meets the eye.
OP you said you were homeless- ha e you moved into your new partners home? Where did you meet? Are you working? Is your home set up for 4 children?
I've been through the courts with my abusive ex. Courts have him access. Regular unsupervised access. I was told contact centres were a last resort.
Have you tried to get more time with the children? Could you have them overnight?

EUPD is not grounds for SS involvement with an unborn baby. There's more going on here.

Whatever is going on, I hope you get everything sorted and the help you and your family need. Wishing you all the best OP

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 17:39

Contact centres are not used just on the fathers say so. There has to be more going on. Also the ex could not stop the OP from seeing her children if she took them away from him because he was abusive. Like I have already said there is more to this. Also, no the new partner should not be introduced to the children yet regardless of wether the OP is pregnant or not.

MistressDeeCee · 01/03/2019 17:48

Agree.

Seems like the ex has done a real number on OP. This can only have exacerbated any mental health issues.

I assume if his new live in love gets pregnant, that will be alright with him, will it? 🙄

Yes wrong decision to get pregnant again I think, but maybe OP was desperate to feel loved, and like a mum again. These things do happen.

But whatever the truth of it, I really don't think harsh responses are the way forward here at all. OP sounds as if she's struggling.

ShabbyAbby · 01/03/2019 18:22

It's hard to advise people if they aren't giving a full picture
I know from experience that social services do not get involved just because of mental health issues. It takes a lot to get to Contact centres and pre birth assessments on new babies. The people who are saying that are not judging. We just know that there is no way this is the full picture.

If it is just based on a diagnosis of EUPD then that would be discrimination under the mental health act. So if it is it's not right and OP needs legal advice.

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