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Original poster

My ex husband stopping my children meeting me partner

68 replies

AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 12:07

My husband has our children, no court orders or nothing. I left him (nye 2017) and he told me if I took the kids he would make my life hell and get them taken off me, (I suffer from eupd) emotionally unstable personality disorder. He was very nasty and I got solicitor involved and ended up with seeing the children in the contact centre every week supervised, now it’s unsupervised but still has to be in the centre. I have been with my new partner for a year now and they have never met. I’m expecting a baby (due may) with new partner and I am now getting our children every Saturday for 6 hours but my partner can’t be present. How long can he keep doing his for,I obviously have social work involve with unborn because Of mental health. But my partner is not a risk at all, it’s the only thing my ex husband can use against me etc. My solicitor has asked for my social works name etc so they can put a report in to say it’s getting ridiculous now and to say my partner isn’t a risk. Just wanted to know if anyone has been thru something similar. It’s stressing me out and I want everyone to get on Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:41

I was living on and off my dad's sofa and friends until I went into homeless. Yes he was abusive to me. He told me nasty horrible things if I took the kids, I was scared for my life. Then he got with his new gf and it all went downhill from there. After I left the home I was still taken the kids to and from nursery and school until he decided he didn't need me and told me to never come back.

OP posts:
Sulliess · 01/03/2019 15:42

OP my ex isn’t allowed, by the court, to introduce our DC to his partner as she lost her own children to SS. He was given the option to see them supervised (the one time he did have them he took them out with his partner), he chose not to and doesn’t see them anymore.

Please do not prioritise your partner over your access to the children. It sounds like you are doing well and hopefully the court will up your time with them soon. Introductions can happen later

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:43

They were involved 3 years ago cause I had a mental breakdown. Nothing major happened. Social Work came to the house every few weeks to see how I was. There was never any concern for the children it was me they were concerned about. Children were never at risk

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Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:45

I'm not choosing my partner over my children. I have done all I can for my children. Agreed to whatever their father has said from day one and will continue to. It's just went to contact outside the centre cause finally their father is realising he's loosing the battle and its gonna cost him money that doesn't need to be spent.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:46

Unfortunately, you have lost residency as you are now the non-resident parent. I don't understand why you thought having another child was a good idea under these circumstances.

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:48

For one it wasn't planned CLEARLY. this has been the worst year of my entire life. From going to having my kids every day making them breakfast, taking them to school to bathing them and tucking them into bed to this has torn my world apart. I'm trying to be happy. He moved on why the hell can't I??

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Jakethekid · 01/03/2019 15:49

Again, are you paying child support for these children? What efforts are you making to show that you are a reliable parent for the children?

Meeting a man, getting pregnant, and having a child within 17 months of leaving the family home doesn't exactly look great for you. Have your chikdren expressed how they feel about any of this?

SpanielEars070 · 01/03/2019 15:49

Dear God, what a terrible mess.

OP you sound like you need a lot of help.

And leaving your DC behind is not what I'd call "I have done all that I can for my children".

Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:52

You're trying to be happy and move on by having another baby when you barely see the ones you already have?

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:53

OK so clearly you've never been a relationship like I was. I came on here for advice OK not to be judged. If anyone else had went thru the same things. I am a reliable parent. Having you read all the threads I've put up.?? As soon as he moved his GF in it all stopped. He stopped me seeing the children that's why I had to get solicitors involved. I didn't want to upset the children by storming into his house and taking them? Think the kids want to see all that drama and arguing?? I was in homeless accommodation. I didn't know how long I was going to be in there for. There school etc was 13 miles away I didn't drive.

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Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 15:56

I don't see them alot because of their father not because of me!!!!! He's ignored letters from my solictor he's made excuses. The children cry at me every week telling me they want to come with mummy but daddy says no, how heartbreaking do you think that is??? Their father is doing it all for his new family and his GF 3 kids, not for our children. Its plain to me. Obviously I can't go into detail about everything but it is going to court in the next few months and I've been told I will get what contact I want with the children. It just takes time!

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Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 15:58

I don't doubt it's heartbreaking but you left them behind so you handed him all the cards. And I still don't see how having another baby helps here. Your poor kids.

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 16:00

Your what your saying is that I should of had an abortion? The kids are absolutely buzzing for this baby to arrive. All I hear from them is daddy is bad for saying horrible things about you mummy. I never ever bad mouth him to the kids.

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Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 16:01

It's hard for people to see your side because you left your children with a man you say was abusive, you met a new partner pretty sharpish and are now pregnant. Did you report the abuse? Did you tell social services what was going on while you were still together?

Fannybaws52 · 01/03/2019 16:03

You have only been with your new partner a year and you are already pregnant and living together AND you have mental health issues that are severe enough to have caused you to lose custody of your other children.

Are you really, truly ready for more custody now when you are about to be sleep deprived and possible hit with PND? Can you honestly say you've worked on yourself and you are stable and able to have the kids back unsupported?

Perhaps you should ask for a small increase or an overnight visit first to ease yourself back into this. If you rush and your mental health declines, your kids will suffer and you may lose them.

Go easy, be patient and take care of yourself too. Don't rush. Flowers

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 16:04

Drogosnextwife
They knew we had issues within our relationship. But because we are no longer together they can't do anything. Yes I was so unhappy for so long, I had the chance to re build my life. He was a good dad. I had no problems knowing the kids would be looked after, I didn't think he would go to all these levels to keep me from the children.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 01/03/2019 16:05

How old are the kids?

Sulliess · 01/03/2019 16:08

OP I think the point people are trying to make, albeit harshly, is that you have much bigger issues than your partner not meeting your children.

If you had come on and explained about the abuse, the lack of time with DC and MH issues you would have got a different response. But it comes across like the DC not meeting your partner is your biggest concern and SS will not like that one bit.

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 16:10

Well it sounds difficult OP but I think you have made a lot of bad choices since the split. Social services get involved when the welfare of children is a concern, so there have obviously been concerns since your break down.

Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 16:12

Sulliess
Yes mayby it came across a bit wrong it's just cause its been going on for so long and I've seen them every single week for a year now. It's been thru everything and he is allowing me contact outwith the centre but on one condition my new partner can't be there. If course I agreed to that, who wouldn't tbh! I just find it unreasonable when a month after I moved out he moved his new GF into the home with her children? Why I'm I being judged by moving in with my partner over a year later?

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Original poster
AmyCpf · 01/03/2019 16:15

Drogosnextwife
Bad decisions? Are you serious? The social work were Involved 3 years ago that was it for 2-3 month tops.
I needed help got he help then that was it. They have never been involved with the children since! Because of my eupd there is social work involved with unborn baby. I know I'm a good mother. Always have been. God never knew everyone on here was so judgemental,

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IggyPoppers · 01/03/2019 16:17

They are questioning your judgement because you have a MH issues and don't seem to be putting your kids first. You're insistence on it being unfair to you won't be well received. They aren't there to make it fair. They are there to represent the best interests of your children.

ShabbyAbby · 01/03/2019 16:19

I just wanted to say EUPD is not a reason for SS to be involved. Plenty of people have EUPD (or other mental health problems) and have full residency, unsupervised contact and/ or no social work involvement
There's more to this
It's very very rare for a mother to get such minimal contact

monal · 01/03/2019 16:20

I think you're getting an unwarranted pasting OP. I'm pretty sure these people wouldn't speak to you like this if they actually met you.

It's easy to tear apart people's bad decisions taken under terrible circumstances but have an ounce of empathy, guys.

ShabbyAbby · 01/03/2019 16:21

Also EUPD is not a reason for a pre birth assessment on its own.
Is your new partner the reason they are concerned about the baby?

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