Am I right to insist dinner is tried?

[Mesosleepy]

I'm writing this as my 22 month old is crying in his highchair after refusing yet another meal.

He's been in the chair for an hour now on off crying and headbutting the tray and general upset at me making him try his food.

He is proper sobbing now and I don't even know whether this is worth it.
I am sick of him not even trying food and reached the end of my tether tonight and I'm not letting him out until he has tried some.
I've told him this and told him he can have a yogurt as soon as he's tried some and then a bath (he loves baths) but it's now become a battle of wills and I'm really not sure I even want to win now, seeing him so upset, but then surely that would mean this has all been for nothing and he knows I'm not going to follow through on my word.

He is proper sobbing and I wouldn't normally let him get like this e.g. I don't let him cry it out but I am so fed up at this refusal to even try food. I'm not expecting him to eat it all. He desperately wants his yogurt and a bath.

Should I hold out?

I have a 2 year old who is a great eater, but I’m well aware that this might change in the future...
What has worked well for us so far has been to offer what we want our child to eat (not supplemented by foods I know he likes) and giving a countdown from 5 if he stops eating or isn’t eating. If he starts again that’s fine but if he doesn’t the food is taken away. If he didn’t at least try the food it gets brought out at the next mealtime. Otherwise if he’s given it a good crack it goes in the bin. If he’s eaten a good portion I offer a piece of fruit in between mealtimes otherwise I assume he’s not that hungry.

Mine is the same, just over 2 yo. He asked for greens at dinner and did not touch them. It is hard, but very normal. Mind you, I was even worse as a young child and love vegetables now. Yes, even brussel sprouts.

Really good article here: www.cps.ca/en/documents/position/toddler-preschooler-who-does-not-eat

Mine is over 2 and is much worse. When it suits her, she will eat almost anything but most day, she refuses more and more foods including previously safe foods. She will have multiple days where she will eat a fraction of what you have described your DS had today and we have gone through phases of trying tactics I had always told myself I would never attempt - bribing, distraction with tv etc.

I have since realised we are turning food into more and more of a battleground like other PPs have said and now just serve food with us, giving her the opportunity to eat. There is always a safe option on the plate - sometimes she still refuses that but there is nothing more I can do and I just leave her to it. Ultimately, she is happy and healthy. Somehow (?!), her weight is not an issue and I don't want her to grow up with food issues.

I completely get why you gave chocolate this evening (I have done similar in the past) but it is using food to comfort and introducing emotions into the equation which is exactly the message you don't want to give. @Goldmandra has hit the nail on the head imo - he shouldn't have to try anything, just be given the opportunity to at every meal. When he is ready, he will eat it himself.

Agree with all the previous advice about not making mealtimes a battleground- as much as anything else for your own sanity as it’s a battle you won’t win. You’ll drive yourself to despair trying to get a fussy toddler to eat.

I know it is soul destroying when they turn their nose up at food (particularly when it’s something you’ve put effort into). As a bit of a foodie who loved cooking i’ve found it incredibly hard to adapt to a child who wants to live on fish fingers chips and biscuits. But the only way to stay sane is to lower your standards and expectations, keep presenting them with vegetables and hope they’ll eventually learn to love food.

It's the 2 year old thing - stuff they previously devoured without question suddenly becomes a source of "what the fuck are you trying to feed me - arsenic". Totally par for the course and normal (and with the solid evolutionary reasons behind it that other people have explained).

Best thing to do - don't get hung up on what's eaten in a single day - look at it over a week or so and take the attitude that you've provided it and fulfilled your half of the bargain and let it go. They do come out the other side generally really OK - neither of mine are fussy eaters and both eat a really wide range of food.

Awww I feel your pain! I spent so long getting upset about my DD and her fussiness. My advice is to relax, not worry about them missing out on anything, give yourself a break. I vowed not to let it get to me when I had my DS, and it made a difference to my sanity. DD is now a tall 13 year old who has a varied diet and is growing by the day. Try not to listen when those around you say how well their children eat - I always took that with a pinch of salt.

Toddlers are often too tired to eat a main meal in the evening, I used to give mine a main meal for lunch and a sandwich for dinner at that age, right up until yr2, because they used to be exhausted after school and nap on the sofa as soon as they got in.

but letting him not try foods is just as bad as pushing too.

This is so wrong.

It's not about letting him not try things. Your job isn't to insist that children put anything in their mouth. You provide the food (a balanced selection including some safe options) and they make the decision about what to eat.

Teach your children to listen to their own instincts and appetite so they grow up with healthy attitudes to food.

I have first hand experiences of how hard it is from my own DD2. I've also seen how removing the pressure can make a huge difference over my years of childminding. Several resistant eaters were able to eat normally in my care while still engaging in battles of will with their parents at home.

It isn't always this simple but it usually is. Provide the food and then mind your own business. Don't comment, reward, approve or disapprove. What they select to put in their mouth is up to them and we should never interfere.

If you want to introduce a new food, just allow them to see someone else eating it. When they are ready, they will ask to try some or just take some if it's made available. There's no need to push anything.