Am I right to insist dinner is tried?

[Mesosleepy]

I'm writing this as my 22 month old is crying in his highchair after refusing yet another meal.

He's been in the chair for an hour now on off crying and headbutting the tray and general upset at me making him try his food.

He is proper sobbing now and I don't even know whether this is worth it.
I am sick of him not even trying food and reached the end of my tether tonight and I'm not letting him out until he has tried some.
I've told him this and told him he can have a yogurt as soon as he's tried some and then a bath (he loves baths) but it's now become a battle of wills and I'm really not sure I even want to win now, seeing him so upset, but then surely that would mean this has all been for nothing and he knows I'm not going to follow through on my word.

He is proper sobbing and I wouldn't normally let him get like this e.g. I don't let him cry it out but I am so fed up at this refusal to even try food. I'm not expecting him to eat it all. He desperately wants his yogurt and a bath.

Should I hold out?

PP just reminded me, mine is also more likely to try something if I put it in one of those little ceramic or glass pots you get with puddings. They are his default snack container and I think he prefers the feel of them to plastic. He's not yet 2.5 and we have only had one broken one since he was around 18 months and that was because he tripped while carrying it (he was fine).

I've had real issues with my dd2 over food.. I do try and get her to try things and it's getting easier to persuade her now (2 yrs 7 months). It does take a bribe or distraction and often she will try it and like it. I have found though that occasionally she point blank refuses and it seems for no reason. Then she had an upset tummy next day, or is sick. I probably persist more than most , but sometimes you won't get them eating it.
If it's something they usually like, may be put it down to a bad day / tummy etc.
Although.i am.still a bit tough, or she is would eat beans and nuggrsys only, may be some cereal

I agree don't turn it into a battle ground but maybe watch what snacks he's having. Strawberries, yoghurt and chocolate all sound quite sweet, unless it's plain yoghurt. Maybe take them off the menu for a few weeks and make 'snacks' smaller portions of his meals or at least non sweet things until he gets a taste for them again.

Agree he’s tiny! Just relax! He’ll be fine. Nothing wrong with being a snacker - eating when you’re hungry and not when you’re not. That’s ideal surely! We all have hungry and non hungry days, maybe he’s coming down with something, maybe he just wasn’t feeling like feta & tomatoes today. He’s human :)

I actually disagree that any child of any age should be force fed / forced to try something!
One of my parents did this to me as a way of controlling me, it would make me feel physically sick, I now know because of the anxiety it would bring up. And of course the more they tried the more I refused and started eating less and less. It’s led into food disorders in adult life.

You don't need to work up to being stricter. You don't need to be strict at all. Provide the food, including at least some things that he finds palatable and let him decide whether the eat it.

Trying to control what your child eats beyond that will just cause food issues and stress.

I had to eat what I was given even if I didn't like it, it just leads to misery and distrust of new foods.

I am planning to insist on dc1 trying foods when he is older, but I would be happy if he just licked it, he doesn't have to eat it and I would be happy to let him spit it out. I do disagree with insisting the the food is actually eaten, you don't need to eat it to taste it.

Dc1 is great at trying new foods though so not a problem so far. We do tend to give him everything at once, so he is served both main meal and pudding at the same time. He does eat the pudding first but then eats most of his main meal too. I don't want to 'reward' him for eating by giving him puddings to incentivise eating. He gets pudding no matter what. However he only gets a limited amount of pudding so he doesn't reject his main meal in the hope of filling up on puddings.

What he ate was clearly not a typical evening. He rarely has chocolate and it was a chunk of mine that I gave him due to my guilt of being made to feel like I'd chained my child to the chair, held him down and force fed him cat food. He normally has fruit and yoghurt for afters and I don't mind how much he's eaten- he still gets pudding. I just will be insisting that he at least tries it before he decides he doesn't like it but, maybe I need to wait until he's older.
Thanks for the advice. I'll try the different pots idea. If he's in the mood, he will devour a roast dinner so don't think he has issues with sauce/food being mixed.

One thing I will add that I see as odd ( not just directed st you op) is that every meal needs a pudding .

We often have a bigger dinner and no pudding . It just adds to the sugar need.

My ds has always been like this about food, loves something one minute then completely against trying it another. We have removed all battles around food, his is plated - a reasonable portion the same as everyone else's. Then he eats it or doesn't. Now he's 4 he knows if he doesn't have a good bash at it then there is no pudding and no milk to drink. There are always things he likes on the plate and always new things. He's never eaten big portions and is much better if things are presented separately or as a snack - so when he was little in a high chair I would give him his veg as it was ready, then a 'snack' of the pasta, or some bits of chicken, then some cubes of feta etc. Sometimes I could get him to eat more that way and also when I wanted to sit down and eat mine he wasn't hungry and demanding so it was more enjoyable all round.

I just will be insisting that he at least tries it before he decides he doesn't like it but, maybe I need to wait until he's older.

Why?

Does someone need to 'insist' that you try new things?

Just take a moment to think about this.

Do you expect that your DS will have a more varied diet because you insist that he tries things.

How do you know he wouldn't choose to try them at a time that was right for him anyway?

Could insisting that he tries things make him feel fearful of new food and less likely to want to try them?

How do you propose to insist? Will you go back to yesterday's strategy of making him sit in front of the food until he gives in?

How old will he be when you start? What is it about that age that makes it appropriate to insist that he puts something in his mouth against his will?

How old will he be when you stop? Why at that age in particular?

How will you teach your child about bodily autonomy if you aren't going to allow him to choose what to put in his own mouth?

You would be best not answering these questions right now. Seriously, just take some time to really think about whether you want to make food the subject of a battle of wills as he grows older.

Cut out the snacks?

We had loads of trouble with our first with eating, well past 22 months. Loads of health input from HV, paediatrician and paediatric dietician and the advice from all was consistent - don't make mealtimes a battle.
Offer the food, if they don't eat it, clear it away calmly at the end of dinner.

What Goldmandra said.
You don’t need to ‘insist’ on anything. Offer food. He’ll eat what he wants. Don’t turn in into a control thing.

My DD2s were both mostly snackers at that age. I didn’t stress and just went with the flow. They are both good eaters now.

Food seems to cause so much anxiety in some people.

Meh going with the flow isnt that easy. My 2yr old DD will just eat bread cheese ham pasta and joghurts and a bit of fruit and she is desperately constipated. I hate the fact she isnt a better eater for her health not because I want control. A full roast dinner was refused so she had a weetabix before bed. It is beyond stressful and will impact me toilet training her for sure. Wish I could get more fibre and veg down her....

Give him his yoghurt and bath.

If he likes snacks, make a meal of snacks. Little finger foods.

DS is still a little and often eater at 4. I now keep snacks down by keeping his uneaten breakfast / lunch / dinner and reoffering it when he's hungry again 45 minutes later. I no longer stress about how much he eats at a meal as I know he'll eventually get there.

With 2 year olds finish your dinner before you can get pudding doesn't work ad they don't do delayed gratification. However, as long as dinner is something they'd normally eat just not today / in a new combination , we've had a lot of success with 'one spoon, one spoon' - one spoon of main course immediately gets them one spoon of dessert, and repeat. You size the spoons so that to get all the pudding they have to eat all the main, obviously let them stop whenever they are full.

Along the lines of the various bowls described above, we've also found they eat a lot better with the distraction of the TV. We have a first stab at dinner without it, but 45 minutes later they can have a 2nd stab sitting at their little table in front of the TV - it's amazing how much they'll eat of something they wouldn't really touch.

Don’t let everyone get upset sometimes we do back to front meals if 2y being fussy little yoghurt then his savoury offering - he is always better if everyone is round table - we have stopped using high chair tray and let him eat off the table with us - hope you had better day today

Something that helped me was thinking about what they have eaten throughout the day as a whole, or even throughout the week, rather than worrying about individual meals. I always do a snacky pick and mix type lunch which my two fussy eaters devour and they love breakfast and fruit snacks or occasional treats. I offer them a cooked dinner every the evening which they often refuse to eat or even try. It's so frustrating when you've gone to the effort of making a nice dinner but I'm hoping by not making a big issue of it they will eventually come around. Also I think they're probably getting their fill during the day and not so hungry by the evening. The love plain pasta with nothing on so that features often as a side dish to their main meal and gets eaten.

I have a really fussy eater. Of all of the adults I’ve spoken too that still are ‘fussy’ eaters or have real bad relationships with food (at least 5 different people) they all said being forced to eat foods is what has carried it over to adulthood. As others have said, it really normal for a lot of kids this age to start refusing foods and eating a more limited selection. As frustrating as it feels, it’s normal, developmental and can’t be beaten by battles. Most children pick up trying fat more stuff again around 4-5yrs old (some sooner).

Forcing a kid to do what you think they should do when their behaviour is normal is always a recipe for disaster. Try to relax and know it’s a phase.

Does he actually understand though? No point in trying to bribe him or telling him he must try if he can’t understand. A lot of children that age struggle with language/understanding time.

Step away from the situation. He'll eat when he is hungry. Forcing him to eat will only make him resist it more. I've been through exactly the same and it's so not worth the stress.

don't worry and don't give up.
one meal he will refuse one day and not the other.it his form of finding his control too so it can be nothing to do with the actual food some days.but it can become it if it starts to associate with battles.
but you are right to keep trying.there is a line not to cross and its so difficult to find.but letting him not try foods is just as bad as pushing too.
but youll get there.
pp have some great tips.
making it seem like his choice is a good one."mummys stuck what to have what does chef think"
"can you try this for me does it need more salt /tomato/cheese etc.
"can you stir the sauce I think it needs you magic touch"
"lets treat ourselves tonight and have to colours fo vegg instead of one!
I the supermarket asking him to choose a meat.
in a recipe book asking him to choose which picture to cook.
if hes having different to you "Ive been really looking forward to this all day and its good do you want a bit"

‘I won’t let him out until he has had some’

Sorry, I’m not sure what you are expecting. He will associate mealtime with misery and bullying so this will only get worse. Hopefully you will realise this and work with your baby.