Am I right to insist dinner is tried?

[Mesosleepy]

I'm writing this as my 22 month old is crying in his highchair after refusing yet another meal.

He's been in the chair for an hour now on off crying and headbutting the tray and general upset at me making him try his food.

He is proper sobbing now and I don't even know whether this is worth it.
I am sick of him not even trying food and reached the end of my tether tonight and I'm not letting him out until he has tried some.
I've told him this and told him he can have a yogurt as soon as he's tried some and then a bath (he loves baths) but it's now become a battle of wills and I'm really not sure I even want to win now, seeing him so upset, but then surely that would mean this has all been for nothing and he knows I'm not going to follow through on my word.

He is proper sobbing and I wouldn't normally let him get like this e.g. I don't let him cry it out but I am so fed up at this refusal to even try food. I'm not expecting him to eat it all. He desperately wants his yogurt and a bath.

Should I hold out?

He napped until 3.30pm today and we normally have dinner about 5.45. It was 5.50 when I served up.

Is this your first child?

This is par forc the course ime, they will eat all sorts from 6mo to 18mo then start refusing to eat everything apart from 5 things

I used to get incrediably stressed and worried, now i just go with the flow

Someone on here said to me how many adults do you know that only eat 5 things, they will grow out of it

Take a deep breath, take him out give him a hug. Let him calm down & give him a yoghurt & a bath.
Put the food in the fridge, he might fancy trying it for his breakfast

No room for any table unfortunately but that's a whole other thread. We are in a one bedroom flat

Don't have battles around food. You will never win.

Your job is to make a balanced selection of food available to him and his job is to choose what, from that selection, to eat.

If a balanced selection of food can include a yoghurt, make one available along with everything else. Two yoghurts and some chocolate probably isn't what you would choose to offer so don't.

Put the food out where he can reach it and don't involve yourself in any way in what he decides to put in his mouth.

If he doesn't eat the savoury, let him have his usual yoghurt and get down.

Don't express any frustration or disappointment at what he doesn't eat or pleasure at what he does. Act like it's none of your business. Chat away about all sorts of things at meal times, just not food.

After he realises there's no issue around food any longer, he will probably stop stressing about it and eventually start trying things. Just remember that the more pressure you put on him, the longer it will be before that happens.

I am really aware of how hard this is. I've been there with my own DD2. It is worth it.

My DD is similar. 22 months and won't eat the same thing 2 days in a row. Also seems to have a preference for bloody baby ready meals over my lovingly hand cooked meals! Have you tried giving him his yoghurt first then trying the main again after? As that's worked for us in the past.

Two yogurts and chocolate obviously isn't his usual meal, I just felt so guilty.
He's happy and playing in the bath so I don't think he's been too traumatised.
I don't think it's the highchair either, one day he's fine then the next he's launching his plate.

Agree that he may prefer to sit at a little table (Ikea model is good). And I'm no expert but an hour stressing over this is far too long (especially at 22 mths). I'd say 20 mins max and after that the food is whisked away. No fuss. No drama. No comment at all. It's so frustrating but do not get in to a battle of wills because it's counter-productive and you'll both end up miserable. The vibe around meals should be light and fun (I know that's easier said than done sometime s). Act like you are not really paying attention to what they are eating. Don't have an atmosphere where you tense up and all the focus is on every spoonful he is eating. It's too much pressure. Fake an interest in something else. And try and get more food in to him at lunch time when he's not tired. Good luck!

I am a cm. some are great eaters some not . Put foods on there plate they don’t like but foods they do . Lots of praise for trying but if they refuse all ok.

Give it fun name , we have pirate mash ( it’s sweet potato mash . Colin cauliflower, trees for broccoli .

If they don’t eat it don’t make a fuss .

22 months old will not eat if you leave them at the table longer.

The worst eater I ever had parent didn’t eat any fruit or vegetables so modelling is important.

Ok prob not tiredness then.

Tbh I agree with a pp and think this is the beginning of the terrible twos.. there will be quite a few things that used to go smoothly where he now makes a battle of wills of it.

If it's not the highchair maybe plate up each component of the meal in separate tiny bowls and let him have more control over which bits he eats (within reason).

At 22m he won't understand. He also won't be able to make himself do something he doesn't want to do. He's still a baby.
Changing what he will and will not eat on a moment by moment basis is a normal (though frustrating) developmental stage. You have to ride it out.
The one bite rule can start at an age where he's old enough to reason and understand more complex ideas and have self control. 3/4 ish. Not baby age.

Sorry op missed the posts about his sleep and table not poss! Have a very old tablet - half screen not visible!

Oh yes, meant to say, if he's battling for control then give him two choices (but you choose them so they are both healthy ifyswim). Sometimes works!

The food that he chooses to eat is the one thing he has control over in his life. So he is exerting that control I dobsgree with pp though- offer a variety of things you'd be happy for him to eat and leave him to it, like it's none of your business. If he's hungry he will eat. He won't go to bed hungry through choice!

My 23month old did this recently went through a period of about a month maybe a bit longer where he on/off (mostly off) refused foods. Some nights (alot of nights) he'd have a bowl of weetabix or porridge or a tin of pasta shapes after refusing to eat something he devoured a week before. Id used to have a tin or two of spag hoops or whatever just as a one off the had to buy a ton in. I let go of the battled and let him choose to eat what I serve and now he eats normally mostly.

It is a developmental thing. Imagine we are back in caves/huts - at this age they start to explore on their own a bit more (within reason obvs). So an in-built wariness of food starts up to prevent them consuming stuff they find in the poisonous berries, half-decomposing dead blackbirds in the cave entrance.

So stuff he used to eat now looks very very scary.

He will widen his repertoire again.

Just as PP said don't let it become a battle. But if you do not want to appear to let him "demand" only his favourites see if you can work it to a "win-win" scenario

I used to use grated cheese, bread and butter and/or fruit as my fail safe. So the refusal would come and I would respond with "Oh, you are right DD- Mummy forgot to put the cheese on it - of course you won't eat it without the cheese.......oh...or maybe we should have some fruit with it...which would you prefer.?" Cue me putting the cheese/fruit on and she would be more likely to eat it.

If she still refused I would let her down and then maybe 30 minutes later I would say "Hmm, I think Tuesday is a snack before bed day - what do you reckon to a banana before bath?"

Good luck. And remember, she wil not let herself starve.

We used to have a five try rule...
Try to feed it five times. .
The leave it.
Eat the same meal , then just offer a bit off your plate...
Amount of times we feed them what they thought was daddy's tea while daddy pretended to be upstairs calling down ... Your not eating my tea are you...?

I understand why you want him to try it, but forcing will just give him an aversion and do the opposite of what you want.

If he's normally happy and energetic then he's eating enough, don't stress about the quantities unless it's literally half a bite of a sandwich a day.

He's too little to understand about trying the food yet and making the connection between trying the food and getting down. If they're in that state they don't seem to actually hear as they're just consumed with whatever emotion is happening.

Try not to feel bad, everyone does something they wish they hadn't and you were doing it with his best interests at heart.

This is the age they get super cautious as "in the wild" they'd be starting to pick berries and stuff so cautious is good. Maybe try the same ingredients but not in a sauce, separate on the plate, so he can see exactly what he's eating?

He loves cheese so my fail safe is also to smother things in cheese. I am lucky that he also loves fruit so I don't mind him only eating that. He has quite good understanding so thought he would get it but I was wrong obviously and won't be so hard on him and maybe work up to bring stricter before we get into a full on stand off. I just so desperately don't want him to be a fussy eater and to be healthy.

If I want my toddler to try something for the first time, I put it on my plate. Guaranteed that the little terror will try it then!!

Don't sweat it OP. You clearly love your DS and just want what's best. I remember having similar battles with DS at that age and to some extent still do. He will not touch chicken or any meat based product (sausages, pork, beef) and whilst I get plenty of protein into him, it's a bit demoralising cooking the same old bland pasta and cheese meals day after day. I read of all the adventurous meals other peoples children eat (fajitas, prawns and noodles etc) and just sigh.

If he's anything like me he'll end up eating all sorts later in life.

Also at that age they're still teething and genuinely don't feel like eating some days.

I know the struggle though

If he likes snacking you could try getting an assortment of little colourful bowls and serving his dinner up separately in those, snack style. My son used to be much more interested in his food when it was served that way.

He doesn't understand! Just offer it, you can't convince him to try it like this. We try and get my 3yr old to try stuff but she actually does understand. I still don't push the issue though.