To be annoyed with MIL

[lovely36]

Dh and I are living with his mom while our house gets renovated. We will be here about 7 months. It's been tough as her and I are very different and have very different personalities. She's said things that really annoy me but I always just bite my tongue as I want to keep peace in the house. She's constantly teaching my 17 month old son to do things that I just over all don't want him doing. It's really bothering me now and it's starting to cause tension but I don't know how to handle it. She's like a bad example/ acts like a child herself. Some days I feel like maybe I'm being too uptight but at the end of the day I can't help but get really annoyed.

Examples of what she does: there was a lady bird in the front garden and she kept telling my ds to "dead it" (her words) and stomp on it. She kept telling my son to smash it. And I was really annoyed with this as I don't want my son killing or trying to step on ladybirds or any other thing. I said to him we don't step on lady birds, it's not doing anything to you. And he was confused.

1. Every time he poos she points and go "nah nahhhh you stink you stink!"!

And my son hides his faces into my chest and she finds it hilarious. The other day he was on the toilet (potty training) and she did that and he got embarrassed and started crying and now won't sit on the toilet.

3.today I was making him breakfast and she was telling him to bang his fists against his high chair tray.(which I just ignored) but then she started telling him to throw the spoons and forks off it. She was laughing her head off and although yes it's funny to her. Now he's starting to throw his food off the tray and thinks it's hilarious since Nan taught him it's a game.

Although she does everything trying to be playful it just makes things so much more difficult for me as he picks up everything. And sometimes I feel like she does it to get a rise out of me. The list goes on .. and I'm just trying to be civil but I don't know what to do anymore as every single day it's something new. I'm just really annoyed. I guess the only solution is to move out but I have to wait a few months. Any advice?

Is she deranged? She sounds extremely odd. Making DC feel ashamed because he’s done a poo is totally unacceptable. Suggest say next time: “everyone’s poo smells because it’s the bits and bobs the body doeanr want . Even MIL’s poo smells”. Killing ladybirds is also not on. Difficult to stand up to her if you’re living in her house. I think you need to have a chat with her. Either DH speaks to her or you do it depending on your relationship with her.

I'm really surprised you agreed to moving in there in the first place.

I know it will cost (in ££), but, for the sake of your sanity, and family relations for the rest of your lives, I'd either move home and live with the renovations, or, if that isn't possible, then I'd have to rent somewhere.
She sounds bonkers, which is bad enough if you visit occasionally, but you aren't going to survive living with that.
You can't go on like that for the next 6 months.

She sounds horrendous. Can you move out sooner? Your parents? Cheap air b n b?

Can you keep to yourselves and stay upstairs in your room? Do you have your own bathroom? Is she home all day with you? Have you or your husband spoken to her about her behaviour?

Rent a flat/house. Some of that is really odd.

Find the money from somewhere - anywhere - to rent somewhere away from this mad woman.

She wants you out. If you can afford to have your house renovated rent...

Either tell her straight to stop her stupid carry on or move out. I could not out up with that stuff, she sou ds really weird. Tell your dp to get is crazy mother under control!

Everything she does, like the lady bird thing she laughs. She thinks because he's a toddler everything is hilarious. But to me it's just annoying. I've spoken to dh about it and with some things he agrees but with most he tells me she's just playing and I'm being "miserable" or he thinks I'm trying to be awkward. It's just things she does that I don't understand why she even does them. It's like everything you shouldn't do with or teach a child she does. She was telling him to kick our neighbours dog the other day. He's really playful so he comes over to say hi and she was saying "kick him. Tell him "go away!" All while laughing thinking it's so funny. My son began trying to kick the dogs head. I had to go over and tell him not to kick the dog. Then she goes "awe I'm only having a laugh." So I just let it go, but it's like I'm dealing with two children. Dh refuses to stay anywhere else. He thinks I'm being dramatic. I think I've been quite easy going as I don't ever say anything because I don't know how to without making things awkward.

@BackforGood before moving in, we didn't see her much and she's very goofy/loud. I wasn't thrilled with the idea but for the sake of saving money I agreed. Now I just can't wait to get out. She's crazy. She tells my son "go hide! Your moms coming. She's going to take the biscuit from you." Because I make my son wait to have biscuits until after dinner. So after his dinner if he wants a biscuit he can have one. But she tells him I'm going to take it?? So he hides. Today he was hiding behind a mirror and when I looked he had a biscuit in his hand. Which I gave him. I told him why are you hiding? I gave you that, you can have that. (Of course he learned this from Nan.) so now every time he has a biscuit he hides to eat it because she taught him to do that! I'm just so fed up with everything.

She sounds unstable. If your DH thinks her behaviour is fine, I would be seriously reconsider our future.

@Goodynuf I've thought that. She seems to do things to get me angry. Unfortunately she uses my son to do it. Today she was telling him to snap his fingers at me and telling him to say. "Faster." While I was making his dinner." But not in a playful way in a malicious way. She kept saying "say 'faster!!!'" Snap your fingers at your mama. And I said "that's not very nice..I'm trying to be as quick as I can." Letting her know I was getting annoyed and that's when she started telling him to throw his fork off the chair. Wtf?!

She sounds vile. Your husband is wrong. It’s not just playing, it’s cruel and appalling to use a little child like this for her own kicks.

How can your husband think it’s ok for her to tell his child to kick a dog, oppressed click his fingers to make his mum work?

I would find somewhere else to go until you can move into your house.

She sounds mad and I would struggle with that big time. How much longer until the renovations are done? Is it not possible to live in your house at all or for you to stay with your family? Your DP does not sound supportive at all.

A couple of things to try are every time she says something you don't agree with you make it into a joke with your DS. "Silly nanny is telling you to be naughty. We don't do that." Only someone very thick skinned or someone trying to get a rise out of you would carry on.

She sounds deranged. Telling your son to kick a dog is extremely insane behaviour that puts him at risk of being injured by an animal defending them self.
This is unfair to you, your son and the animal and it’s owner.
If I heard anyone suggesting that a child kick my dog I would go mental and I’d be asking them if they wanted kicking!
The other behaviours as well sound almost as if she’s trying to alienate your own child against you. Making him feel he has to hide to eat any treats or that he should be able to demand that you work for him could lead to a massive wedge between you if he continues this as he gets older.
Your DP needs to have some stern words with her if he expects you to keep living with her, and you deserve a decent wine and pamper session as an apology/Thankyou from him for putting up with it!

Op take LO and go to your parents even if its only for a week.
You need a break from this woman. I'd debate about staying with your parents until your house is ready.
Other options include buying a cheap caravan.

Get out of there and/or put her in her place. Honestly, rent somewhere, anywhere, literally anywhere. Get away from her. She sounds like a disgusting human being and I'd feel exactly the same as you if I were in your position.

Your husband seriously needs to grow a pair too. He can't honestly believe that her behaviour is normal?

@Cattus I got really mad when she did that and I took it out on my son because he began doing it. So I said "ok well now you're not getting it." I was making him another bagel. And I took him from the kitchen and walked away. I felt so bad as my son felt like he did something wrong. When it was her. She was laughing even though she could see I was clearly upset. I dread every morning having to go downstairs where she is.

I think you need to speak to her, if that doesn’t work move out, as you know her behaviour is really not acceptable. Good Luck.

You can't take it out on your son. You need to firmly point out to mil that her behaviour is unacceptable. I would tell her it's sick to make him kill insects and the same for kicking the dog.

You have been too calm about this for too long. Your son is going to be damaged by this lunatic and you need to make it stop. Your husband needs to give his head a wobble too. I would be threatening to leave.

The only answer is move out. Anything you say will cause a bad atmosphere in the house.

Granny probably wants you to go. Leaving her to play mum. She is treating you like a child. She is completely undermine you and your authority.

We had a similar situation and it was a nightmare. I'm glad my LO was only a baby when we stayed with ILs but by the end of it we were all glad to be out of the situation. It's taken years to repair the damage that was done to relationships. Even at that I still don't completely trust MIL.

Your DH was brought up by this whack job and he thinks her particular version of insanity is just 'playing'.

You've got a major DH problem here. Major.

I'd get out while you still can.

Wow! She doesn't sound well at all!!!

Can you get the other half to have a chat with her.... maybe she is trying too hard to get LO to like her?! Some people have a strange way of going about things!!

I think you need to ask her what's going on. Why is she doing all these things? No sane person would want to teach a child these things. Is she trying to get a rise out of you?

What was she like before you moved in?

Personally, I'd find a way to leave.