Breastfeeding isn't working out :(

[siennamaeb]

I know I shouldn't be but I'm disappointed in myself that breastfeeding isn't working out between me and my baby. I want what's best for her and I feel like such a disappointment because I can't give it to her.. She just isn't latching on because my nipples are too small I believe. Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it :(

Congratulations on your baby! How old is she?
Personally I'd see if you can find a hv/midwife who can show you a good latch, if you can. I found it incredibly difficult with my first but I'd had loads of crap advice in hospital, including one nurse who just shoved baby on my nipple really painfully which made everything worse.

I'm lazy and breastfeeding is pretty convenient so that's why I stuck with it! But there are benefits to formula feeding too, namely that your partner can do it...

Have you had face to face support? What about nipple shields? They’ve saved the BF journey for my daughter and grandson- and she has only just stopped using them for all feeds at 4 months.
I am a strong believer that regrets are only strong when you haven’t fully explored your options in order to make a choice- so if you feel you have indeed explored all options and support available, please let yourself let go of any guilt as you’ve tried your best and that is good enough and all anyone can do. I think regrets will linger for you if you don’t get the support you deserve to at least try all options you can before stopping. The first few weeks of BFing really can be hellish and awful. Face to face support is vital really.

I doubt your nipples are too small either. Breastfeeding is bloody hard despite all the fluffy stuff you hear

^ agree with this. No one told me about nipple shields with my first, they saved breastfeeding for us with my second. Lifechanging!

There is also a FB Page called yummy mummy breastfeeding advice and support which my daughter finds really good

It's totally ok to feel this way, but you really shouldn't as its not your fault and you have tried your best! But I'm sure you know that, I get what you mean though.

What's best for your baby is fed and having a happy relaxed parent.

I did it for a year and at first was hell, baby’s bottom lip needs to like pouting towards and rolled down if that makes sense?

hi how old is your baby? have u tried expressing and then giving through bottle? my first dc was prem and wouldnt latch, was given through drip and then via bottle (expressed). if you ask your hv/mw there should be a bf team who u could get help and advice from? dont be hard on yourself x

Bf is so hard, that's the one thing after having my first child that I felt the 'system' had let me down on. They made it sound so simple & it really isn't. It took me 2-3 weeks from memory with my DS - tongue tie was the problem (I pumped and gave milk through a bottle) & it took me just over a week with my DD - again tongue tie problem.
Ask your health visitor/midwife to assess for tongue tie. If your baby isn't tongue tied you can always try nipple shields.
Do what is right for you and your baby.

I nearly gave up at 10 days too.
Australia has a 24/7 breastfeeding advice hotline, so I called them in tears and they told me to get my DS assessed for tongue tie by a local lactation consultant, and get myself some nipple shields to use in the interim.
First feed with the shield was like an instant sigh of relief.

My DS had an anterior tongue tie, which got cut. He can now latch on my left without pain, but my right nipple is short and semi-inverted, so we're still struggling to latch pain-free without the shield, but I'm happy to keep using the shield as long as it takes.

My DD is 3 days old today, my sister has mentioned pumping and the shields to me which I do wanna try I'm just afraid I'm running out of time and my milk will stop as I've woken up this morning with solid breasts😩

Definitely pump now if you are getting full but can't get baby on. I had to do this as had latch issues early on. I pumped to keep my supply up until latch issues were sorted and am now breastfeeding successfully. It took several weeks (about 6) to get there so don't think because you haven't cracked it in the first week it's over for you!
Don't give up lovely, it is such early days, you have plenty of time to get things sorted.
Just make sure you keep your supply going by expressing in the meantime and hang in there. Can the infant feeding team come out to you? Or can you get to a drop in?

Also, your milk definitely isn't stopping if your boobs are full. It just means your milk is coming in and your engorged as milk isn't being removed. If you pump to remove it, then it will be replaced, don't worry. Your body is doing everything right and getting your supply going, you just need to keep removing it so it keeps producing it. X

As above, your milk has come in. This is a big hormonal shift and it's not unusual to feel emotionally overwhelmed emotionally. If you're in the North, Milk Matters offer great support privately, Le Leche Leauge are a charity that are very Vs active in some areas.

It's very early days OP, my milk wasn't even in at that point and I think it's a shit time for everyone at this stage. Breastfeeding can be hard but it's way too early to consider it not working.

Try to get some support from a lactation advisor.

Do you have a local breastfeeding support group you can get to?

Everything's a whirlwind at 3 days but sounds like you've got lots of milk! Definitely pump, it doesn't hurt at all!

As soon as you said Day 3 I realised what was going on.

Day 3 is notorious for that hormonal drop known as the baby blues.
Many a mother can be found crying in the shower from days 3-10, because it's all too hard and you're exhausted.
What's actually happened is you've had a big hormonal shift.

Feeling this way is completely normal, your body has just lost a lot of the feel-good hormones from pregnancy and your body is now producing a lot of prolactin which helps produce milk.
You haven't failed. You're going to be okay. You're probably going to cry a lot in the next 2 weeks or so, it's completely normal.

Also if your breasts are hard, that means your milk has come in.
Keep feeding the baby, use hot face towels to soothe the breasts, also take warm showers, and hand express to relieve the discomfort. If there's any swelling in your armpits put cold compresses there.
Watch for any redness, but it will settle down after a week or so.
If you feel flu-like symptoms, or there are red patches on your breasts (or armpits, I had this), see a Dr asap as you may have developed mastitis.

Also, use lansinoh on your sore nipples. Don't use nipple shields this early, wait a few more days until your milk supply is more established.

What makes you think it's not working? Is that your dd was constantly feeding and not setting? That would perfect sense given she is 3 days old and you've woken with big solid boobs - that's your milk coming in. Babies are often very unsettled before that and now she can start taking good milk feeds. Get to a bf clinic as soon as you can and get advice on the latch. In the meantime watch some videos - google it, there's loads. If you don't feel she's feeding effectively, definitely express - hand is fine and can be effective but tiring, so I'd suggest getting a pump if you can. Pumping will protect your supply and you can give her the expressed milk via syringe/cup/bottle until you get help.
All the above if you want to carry on. If you don't, please be kind to yourself and make peace with yourself. You're doing the very best you can with great love for your baby. What can possibly be wrong in that.

Where about's are you OP? PM me if you prefer. Face to face support is you best option and there will probably somewhere near to you tomorrow. I'll hunt one down for you.most people need a little bit of help somewhere along the way when breastfeeding.

Day 3/4 were the hardest for me too - I developed mastitis and the hormone shift can be difficult to deal with but it's completely normal.

Don't give up hope yet - my DS is now 5 weeks old and has gained almost 3lb since birth. Please try and get some face to face help, get someone to show you the latch and once you've got that sorted you'll be flying

And make sure you talk to someone, whether it's a partner, family or friend about how you're feeling - baby blues are completely normal but don't bottle it up inside xx

You will have been told that babies are born knowing how to feed. It’s a lie. They have a general automatic response but still need time to get it right. My first had no clue at all (and no real suck response) so it took a week before she clued in enough to try and suck, and another two month before it was easy.

The second was better, but somewhere in the intervening period my internal plumbing seems to have gone wrong.

Top up with expressed milk in a bottle for now, but if it doesn’t work out - it’s not your fault!

My nipples were so flat! But now still breastfeeding at 2 years
Arm yourself with support
Try to "sandwich boob into mouth"
Call breastfeeding helpline and research breastfeeding help in your area
You have this
It is hard
The hardest thing I did
But I am so happy I did it

Breastfeeding is so difficult at the beginning. Have you had baby checked for tongue tie?

I was you at day 3.

Please get someone to go to boots or mothercare and get you some nipple shields. DS is 10 weeks and we’re still using them. They saved my breastfeeding. Don’t listen to any medical professionals who are sneery about them.

And pump! Get that milk out and give it to your baby in a bottle until you get the shields.