Breastfeeding isn't working out :(

[siennamaeb]

I know I shouldn't be but I'm disappointed in myself that breastfeeding isn't working out between me and my baby. I want what's best for her and I feel like such a disappointment because I can't give it to her.. She just isn't latching on because my nipples are too small I believe. Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it :(

Solid breasts at 3 days was when my milk came
In properly both times. If they're rock hard express a little to soften the breast to help baby to latch. And I second (or third??) getting some support.

Your nipples won't be too small but getting latch right can be hard. Shields may help, and proper support will almost certainly help.

My community midwife said to me With my first that I should remember that it's a skill to learn. With your first both you AND baby have to learn. I know how hard and emotional it is, try and be gentle on yourself xxx

Awww, it’s far too soon to know if it’s not working out just yet! But it is very hard, and not at all ‘natural’ for some of us. Best thing to do is to see if you can get someone from your infant feeding team to see you. If you’re in hospital still that might be a clinic you can drop into easily. If you’re at home and can’t get back to the clinic then they can send someone. If you can afford to, then finding a certified IBCLC lactation consultant is a good option. I’d want someone with knowledge and understanding to check for a tongue tie (only an IBCLC can be trusted to get this right). If you are over full and having issues latching you can look up reverse expressing (I think) to empty the nipple a bit and latch. Shields are an option but cause lots of issues of their own, and I’d use with caution. Best thing is to get someone in the know to come and have a look at what’s going on.

Your milk is just coming in today- if you want to bf (fine if you don’t) today is the day to keep trying. Try having a warm bath or shower and see if you can hand express a little milk, then put the baby to the breast as often as you can. Stay in bed with lots of pillows, drinks, snacks, your phone, the remote control and spend the day cuddled up and see how it goes.

As long as baby is fed and happy all.that matters

Can you try these op? https://www.mothercare.com/accessories/lansinoh-latch-assist/635648.html?wgu=1198319667331549182022025207d45d11b0&wgexpiry=1556958022&utmmsource=webgains&utmmedium=affiliates&utmmcontent=91999&utmcampaign=RedBrain%20Ltdd196673

They pull your nipple out and make them larger to assist with latch.

Hold the back of babies shoulders with a flat palm and a finger on the head for support, then hold your breast in your other hand and slightly compress it, put your nipple on the babies top lip and when they open their mouth put the bottom of your areola (the dark bit) on their lower lip and aim the nipple at the back of their mouth and bring baby up to the breast.You kind of have get it in fast when they open wide but bring them to you iyswim. You're looking for all of the bottom part of areola to be in their mouth and as much of the top as possible, so the actual nipple size itself isn't that much of a problem. I'd advise against nipple shields just for a few more days if you can.
Honestly you're doing so well, BF can take weeks and weeks to become comfortable.

I found this video really helped me just to get the basics.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=wjt-Ashodw8

Speak to your health visitor about local support, it will be there you just have to ask.

Lansinoh nipple cream and pads are the best and well worth the money.

Get some biscuits and box sets and cuddle up on the sofa with your gorgeous new baby, you'll get there x

Another vote for nipple shields

Hiya,
Quick update for you all, I got a breast pump today, one cooperative boob and one not😰 only got 1.5fl oz out on this attempt because of it but gave it to DD anyway because it's the best thing for her. She drank till the last drop and was very upset when she was finished as I had no more to offer her which upset me a little.. I guess small steps huh. I honestly am so emotional right now, I want to cry at everything, feeling like I could do more for my DD, even though I'm the happiest I could ever be at the moment.. I just want this mood to pass🥺

You are doing brilliantly.

Their stomachs are tiny at this stage, only 1.5 to 2 oz by day 7. Have a read of this

www.babycentre.co.uk/l25009531/how-big-is-your-babys-stomach-photos

You have definitely got enough milk there. Try and find a support group to go to tomorrow so someone can check your latch.

I never had much success with pumping, I spent hours trying with very little milk to show for it, but I ebf DD until almost 2 years old in the end. The first days are so so tough, you are both learning how to do this and it's frustrating! I had more success hand expressing than with a pump, and if you get a little milk out, soften your breasts by emptying them it will be easier for your DD to latch. A hot bath and massaging your breasts towards the nipple will help to get it the milk flowing and ease the fullness. Your baby may then find it easier to feed as the milk will be coming without her having to suck as much.

Look up proper latch, that is essential. Also look at some different holds that might make the angling easier. Breastfeeding is an effort at the beginning, but once you get going it's so easy and most definitely the lazy option. But if it doesn't work for you, don't beat yourself up about it, at the end of the day your baby needs a happy mummy who feeds her and tends to her needs whether that's with boob or bottle.

Hang in there OP. You are doing a wonderful job. Day 3 is a really hard day because your hormones go crazy. I cried a lot and was emotionally a mess. Breastfeeding is hard at first but it gets easier. Bertrand above gave lovely advice- just get really comfortable, get cosy in bed with lots of pillows and Netflix on your ipad, then cuddle your baby, keep her near your breasts and try feeding as much as you can. Try to get to a breastfeeding clinic tomorrow. I don’t mean to be pushy by saying this because it’s absolutely fine if breastfeeding is not the right thing for you and your baby. But- it sounds like you want to do it so I hope you can get some help and support. Please don’t be hard on yourself as you’re just been through (and am going through) an amazing but sometimes traumatic time. Best of luck to you

Also, OP I found pumping really hard too. A lot of work for so little milk, but baby on the breast was fully fed. Not getting much with a pump doesn’t mean you don’t have plenty of milk. Still very frustrating, I know xx

I bf both of mine for two years- I could never express more than a dribble. A baby is much more efficient at stimulating milk than a pump.
Just keep putting her to the breast. That’s your job at the moment. Don’t try and do anything else!

Please take up the offers above for support... face to face is best if you can x

Yeah I'm the same with expressing, rarely get more than 40ml from both sides after expressing for ages. I don't bother much now, only on a weekend and use it to help with making vegetable purees for weaning. And I have a pretty decent electric pump apparently.

How's it going @siennamaeb ? Early days are crazy, you won't feel like this forever, hope you're getting some support x

Baby is doing really well, I'm not so bothered now about the feeding situation, I'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters! Instead I've got a new worry on my hands.. DD has colic and quite severely too bless her heart x any tips on how to make it easier or better? Winding isn't so great and colic drops only work for an hour or two!

Oh bless you both. The early days are so hard. Baby doesn’t have colic, she’s too little. Just keep winding, feeding and comforting. You’re doing a great job!

We had awful colic. (As in, unexplained crying). Lovely baby in the day then screaming all night. Dh had to walk him up and down the stairs to comfort him, for hours! I have a video of the screaming and it's really upsetting. Unfortunately, for us there was nothing that 'fixed' it, it just went away over time. Not what you want to hear, but it will pass...

Awww baby is still so little. You're doing great.
Mine wouldn't feed from me for 2 weeks but I managed to re-establish so don't worry about it being too late.

He also had horrendous colic.... Doesn't necessarily mean they're in pain. Sometimes they just like to cry. As long as you're trying to comfort them, they will be ok. You can drive yourself mad trying to find 'the answer' - just go with it hour by hour.

Both mine have cried constantly when awake in day and not feeding up until week 8. As soon as feed was over, I put them in the sling and they were calmer. Tiny babies just want to be on you! It's bloody tough but not forever.

We had exactly the same problems - one good boob and one naughty boob and I had tiny flat nipples!

It was really hard at first, I tried nipple shields and they didn't really work for us. What did work was having a bath and running really hot water over boobs to get milk flowing and soften them a bit, then DH passed me DD to feed in the bath (check the bath water isn't too hot if DC dangles a limb in but generally keep them out of the water if you can)

She finally latched onto one boob and it was such a relief. I had to pump the other one for a couple of weeks before we figured the latch on that one but now at nearly a year old she's still feeding on them both really easily

It was so hard at first but really paid off for us and then became so easy. I also had mastitis quite early which was horrible but it passed

I have friends who exclusively pumped at first and now it's working for them too. Definitely get checked for tongue tie

Good luck!

I also sort of pinched the nipple together as if hand expressing and helped DD latch that way.

I remember crying with happiness when she latched for ten minutes while we were watching tv. We had some formula just in case but didn't need to use it in the end, if she is taking what you are pumping that's fantastic

Quick question ladies - how long after making a bottle up should it be discarded? Sometimes DD takes a 30 min break and then wants to feed again but I'm not sure if it's okay after a while.

Depends on which formula you use, we used premixed aptimil and that is ok for 2 hours after opening

I would suggest you seek advice. There's some excellent suggestions on here.
Try again if you want but feeling guilty is not on. You are not doing anything wrong whether you by or ff.
Theres no reason to feel guilty.at all.
It's just negative energy for no reason.

Just read your update from Sunday. Honestly you are doing a brilliant job, and I remember really clearly being so upset as I hadn't got enough milk for her. There were days when she only had formula and I felt like breastfeeding was over for me, but luckily I had support and encouragement to keep going. I'm so glad I didn't give up, keep going OP. You will get there! I couldn't pump much to start with but just steadily built up supply. I ate a lot of oats and fenugreek.
I had many days when I thought is this actually worth it, if it hadn't been for my Mum I would have thrown the towel in. I had days when I was ill and just didn't have energy and formula was a life saver, don't make yourself bad trying to breastfeed and make sure you look after yourself but honestly if you want to do it, keep going you will get there and keep getting support. x