Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Kids out the way by 7pm

104 replies

Storminateacup74 · 28/01/2019 21:02

How do your D.C. greet their dad when he returns from work?? My hubby gets home between about 730 and 8pm and often walks into what he calls a war zone. The kids are 12 and 10 and their is quite often homework being done, or a friendship issues to deal with, one of them coming home from one activity or another and the house is not yet spotless from their tea. He wants them both upstairs in their rooms when he gets home all friendship issues homework and activities shoukd have been done so he can walk into a quiet pleasant house for a relaxing evening. Unfortunately when he walked in tonight one child was in the middle of a factieme call with her friend which was getting a bit heated and the other was being dropped off after cubs so needed a shower etc. He takes his dinner and eats it upstairs now until kids are out of his away. Adult time after 7pm apparently. Is this normal?.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sproutingcorm · 29/01/2019 06:07

This is awful op. . You must feel so let down.

The only thing worse than this are the blokes who deliberately linger at work and wait until "the little woman" at home gets through all the hassle and stress of putting DC under five to bed on their own, and times his triumphant return for when everything is peaceful again, wearing an "oh poor me I had to work such long hours today". My friend is married to one of these unfortunately.

What are you going to do op? I get the impression you are running out of patience and hope.

user1494670108 · 29/01/2019 10:02

I actually think this is quite damaging to your children. Non interest from a parent, the very person who is supposed to love and be interested in you unconditionally must wreck their self esteem. Whether it's an dealbreaker only you can decide (does he redeem himself st weekends or holidays? It sounds unlikely) but think about your own relationship with the kids both now and in the future.
My dh can be overly fussy about mess especially when he's stressed but I have pointed out that not only will be probably one day come home to an empty tidy house where everything is exactly as he left it- that day could be sooner than he thinks

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 29/01/2019 10:14

Maybe if the kids were miles younger it would be doable,bedtime earlier etc but why wouldn't he want to see them if not getting in til after 7? Weird

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Elfinablender · 29/01/2019 10:17

I like to eat in peace. So, I put the news on and that clears out the room for twenty minutes. I don't ship them off to bed.

choli · 29/01/2019 13:05

Actually I agree that "heated" facetime sessions should take place in private. I wouldn't want to listen to that crap, especially if friend drama is a frequent occurrence.

KatherinaMinola · 29/01/2019 13:07

Normal for the 1930s, yes.

Poppylizzyrose · 29/01/2019 13:24

Op any updates?

PeachRose · 29/01/2019 13:27

Who the hell does he think he is? I will tell you... A selfish twat!!

What you have described is just normal family life and I would give him the option that if he doesn't like it then to fuck off and live a lonely life.

babysharkah · 29/01/2019 13:32

Wow. I'm a big fan of routne and get the kids in bed because they need sleep but my 7 yos go to bed at 8 in the week and 830/9 at weekends.

Does he actually like his children?

Jackshouse · 29/01/2019 15:12

After years of MN I have finally come across the most ridiculous situation ever.

Our DD is much younger, nearly 3 and DH gets home for
5.15 into carnage as I am finishing making dinner and DD and is a tired hangry toddler. We have dinner and then at 6.15 one of us baths her and then she is asleep by 7.45 ish.

I would expect a 12 year old to be up until 9. Does he not actually want to see his kids?

StrawberryTraveller · 29/01/2019 15:25

No that really isn't normal

If they were toddlers I would expect him to come in at 7pm and want to spend the last hour they are awake helping get them into bed and reading them a story etc.

At 10-12 years old, I would not expect them in bed by 7pm and not a peep to be heard. He should be coming home, having dinner together, helping with any leftover homework and asking them about their day.

At 12 years I wouldn't really expect them to head to bed until 9pm or later.

You don't get an evening in silence with children, and teens at home.

TadaTralala · 29/01/2019 15:26

Blimey, he must be a joy to be around. Does he expect his blanket, pipe and slippers waiting for him when he gets through the door? Expect you to apply lipstick just as you hear his car pull up on the drive? We no longer in the 1950's :-)

RiverTam · 29/01/2019 15:29

my, he sounds a prize . What a dick. Why should his DC respect him? Why should you - or pander to his shit, either?

SewingBeesDontSting · 29/01/2019 15:30

He'll regret not making time for them when he's older and they've left home.

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 29/01/2019 15:31

I think he'd be much happier living alone. If I were you I'd be suggesting that as a solution to him. You don't get to walk into a peaceful calm home when you have two DC, that is just not how life works.

DoctorDread · 29/01/2019 15:32

OP! The 1950s just called. They said can they have your husband back please!?!

dontfluffthefluffer · 29/01/2019 15:37

Ahaha ha hahahahahahahaha your dh is an arse!

At 10 and 12 they have every right to use their house as well as he does! If they're getting in from clubs and doing homework then it feels busy for them too. I'm sure they chill out later on. Your DH needs to grow the fuck up and start parenting instead of trying to ignore his children!

Ethel80 · 29/01/2019 15:48

He sounds like my posh grandfather who only interacted with his children when the nanny brought them to see him before bed. He had no other role in their upbringing apart from paying the bills.

He was a cold and mean man and that was the 40s/50s.

Sounds like your husband treats you like my grandfather treated the staff.

Happyandshiney · 29/01/2019 15:50

Does he love his kids OP because it’s not obvious?

My DH would have come home, asked all about the friendship issue/offered sympathy, advice or some humour.

He’d have asked how he extracurricular activity went and chatted to the kids and I about our day while he ate his dinner.

He might help with homework, watch a programme with the kids, pitch in with housework.

I can imagine no situation in which he wouldn’t want to talk to them and hear their gossip.

My D.C. (11yo) adore their Dad and hugely respect him.

He did a million nappy changes/bath times/put them to bed/got them up and dressed all through their childhood.

Do you think there might be a connection?

Yabbers · 29/01/2019 15:50

If he doesn’t want to live in a family home, he shouldn’t have a family.

Quartz2208 · 29/01/2019 15:56

He sounds awful your poor poor children

Split up you will all be happier

IfNotNowThenWhy · 29/01/2019 16:29

It really wasn't normal for the 1930s or the 1950s-I really don't know why anyone thinks that? Both my grandads were warm, fun family men (born early 20th century)
Ltb.

RiverTam · 29/01/2019 16:55

OP - something set my spidey senses tingly and I have done an advanced search.

You have been posting about your H for quite a while now, and never to the good. You really need to have a good long think about your relationship, and your DCs relationship (especially your DS, who is autistic) with him. He's not going to change.

OccasionallyIncomplet · 29/01/2019 18:24

Is his name George Banks?

Racecardriver · 29/01/2019 18:29

Well he’s just rude isn’t he?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5