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Parenting

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Original poster

Kids out the way by 7pm

104 replies

Storminateacup74 · 28/01/2019 21:02

How do your D.C. greet their dad when he returns from work?? My hubby gets home between about 730 and 8pm and often walks into what he calls a war zone. The kids are 12 and 10 and their is quite often homework being done, or a friendship issues to deal with, one of them coming home from one activity or another and the house is not yet spotless from their tea. He wants them both upstairs in their rooms when he gets home all friendship issues homework and activities shoukd have been done so he can walk into a quiet pleasant house for a relaxing evening. Unfortunately when he walked in tonight one child was in the middle of a factieme call with her friend which was getting a bit heated and the other was being dropped off after cubs so needed a shower etc. He takes his dinner and eats it upstairs now until kids are out of his away. Adult time after 7pm apparently. Is this normal?.

OP posts:

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tobee · 28/01/2019 21:16

Sort the war zone that is

Sexnotgender · 28/01/2019 21:17

That’s very weird!!

Sounds like he doesn’t actually want to partake in family life at all.

CoastalLife · 28/01/2019 21:19

Surprised he didn't request his pipe and slippers ready as well

He sounds awful. Why doesn't he want to see his children? If it's chaotic (totally normal in a busy family home) then why isn't he pitching in? Why did he have kids??

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confusednorthner · 28/01/2019 21:22

That's bonkers! We both work dh full time me school hours and kids same age as your have activities most nights. I do clubs etc and dh spends his evenings sorting washing, lunches etc. Your dh seems to be missing family life!

YellowSkyBlue · 28/01/2019 21:29

Sorry OP. Your DH sounds awful. It is not okay to emotionally neglect your children. Why does he not help out or spend time with them ? Not normal and damaging in my opinion.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/01/2019 21:33

Sounds barking. What sort of upbringing did he have? I'm thinking of Mr Banks from Mary Poppins to be honest.

MsMustDoBetter · 28/01/2019 21:36

Sounds as if he doesn't want a family at all, or least he doesn't want or live or interact with one.

Are there mental health issues for him to get on top of?

mummyneedssweets · 28/01/2019 21:42

Just to add to the discussion NOT IN ANY WAY NORMAL.
I work long hours but want to see my kids in the evening.
Tonight my husband has his regular hobby and I worked a 12 hour day.
Kids were with sitter. Got in gave them a drink of milk, teeth story and lights off for the younger one (6) by 8.30 and older one (8) by 9. I sat down then

3boysandabump · 28/01/2019 21:45

My dh gets in much earlier but he hates when the dc are in their room playing and don't come to see him and tell them about their days.

I think it's awful that your dh doesnt want to interact with his dc. It's sounds like he sees them as an inconvenience which is incredibly sad imo

JayDot500 · 28/01/2019 22:00

OP I would urge you to really have a think about what you are enabling here.

Most parents who work all day do want to see their kids at the end of it. Even if just to greet them and ask them how their day went. His request is unacceptable, and you need to let him know that.

BlingLoving · 28/01/2019 22:10

haha. He's a complete bellend. Is this the first time you've noticed this behaviour? The DC seem old enough that surely this has been going on for years - have you just been putting up with it all this time?

The children are more than old enough that 7pm upstairs with everything done is simply not realistic. Nor fair. At that age, activities etc are often only finishing around then, dinner is barely finished (if at all) and the DC are still doing chores/homework etc. If he doesn't see this, then he's a twat and it's not clear what you and the DC get out of this relationship.

XmasPostmanBos · 28/01/2019 22:12

In bed and settled by 7 would mean a 6.30 bedtime, much too early for a 10 and 12 year old. I would expect the 10 yo to go up about 8 at the earliest and the 12 year old could go up at 9.

chipsandgin · 28/01/2019 22:12

Blimey, is he walking back in from 1950? What a bellend. Why are you with him?

betterbeslytherin · 28/01/2019 22:18

My DH is gutted if he's home late and DD is already in bed. She's 4 tho and rarely asleep by 7pm - never mind 10 and 12 year olds.

He's a twat.

Ginnymweasley · 28/01/2019 22:20

I thought you were gonna say they were little children but they are nearly teenagers. Does he expect them to sit in their rooms alone till they go to sleep? Or them to be asleep by 7pm? Does he not want to spend time with them? He sounds very selfish and like he doesn't really like his children.

Theworldisfullofgs · 28/01/2019 22:23

They are not 6.
My youngest is 12 and goes to bed at 9.30/10. We try and eat together where commitments and work allows. Sometimes this is 8 pm.

What does he think will happen as they get older? If he doesn't develop a relationship with them, they won't want to spend time with him either.

Pinkkahori · 28/01/2019 22:25

My dcs are the same age as yours OP. They go to bed at 9. DH is delighted to see them when he gets home. In fact he usually picks the younger one up and turns her upside down in greeting.
I'm at home with them everyday from 3 and to be honest there are times i'd quite like them to go to bed at 7 but that isn't what family life is about.
DH loves that they eat later now so depending how quickly he gets home, he can often have dinner with them.

rubyroot · 28/01/2019 22:28

@PuppyMonkey-
My thoughts exactly- what a twat.

SAHD in our house. I get home at 5, 1 year old wakes at 5.30 from afternoon nap and goes to bed 9.30- means I get 4 hours a day with him. Love it 😍

stayathomer · 28/01/2019 22:28

I think it's an extreme version of my dhs expectations too. If things are crazy when he gets home he'd sit down in the other room to eat 'to give him a breather before he has to wade into the madness.' Even if it were only a few mins before bedtime whereas I know if it were me I'd be grabbing onto every last second. When he rings sometimes I get the impression he's thinking he's glad he's not here. He adores them but there's times I think he does seem to have that I've been working, I should be walking into a postcard family scene in his head!!

Tinkerbell89 · 28/01/2019 22:32

Does he not want to spend time with them? Maybe ask about their day, help them with their homework or problems which would help bond with them? He should want to spend time with them and help, then relax when they're in bed. I get work may be stressful and long days but when you have kids in my opion you lose that right to be selfish every night or more to the point you shouldn't want to be. Plus it says he isn't being a supportive husband or father. You need help and time too, you should be a team. I'm sorry to rant but kids in bed by 7 at that age probably not and maybe talk to him about why he needs time and doesn't want to be around them? That's important. Also may be if he helped they'd be ready to quieten down earlier and chill out

jessstan2 · 28/01/2019 22:40

Your husband has very unrealistic expectations! He's also quite unkind t to you and his children. They are not babies, they have every right to be downstairs and doing their own thing. Most kids look forward to parents coming home from work and talking to them, playing with them, helping with homework.

It sounds as though you cook twice too; your children are well old enough to sit down at the table with both parents and have an evening meal. People generally chat around the table, it's a sociable time.

Unless your husband is ill, living with depression for example, there's no excuse for his attitude and behaviour.

He sounds as though he should never have had children.

Original poster

Storminateacup74 · 28/01/2019 22:58

In all honesty he has always been the same and every year i think he will do more when they are older but he actually does less now than he did then. I will get slated for this I know but he has never bathed or put either of them to bed. Trouble is now he wants their respect and he doesn't get it. Some evenings I am a referee between a child and him as he wants to be able
to eat his dinner (which I have cooked) in peace. I would semi understand if he had a really stressful job but he has a really easy job that causes him no stress!!

OP posts:

IveGotAlpen · 28/01/2019 23:03

Sorry but he sounds like an absolute knob

ashtrayheart · 28/01/2019 23:05

Ltb

BlackCatSleeping · 28/01/2019 23:06

Are you married to Jacob Rees Mogg?

If you want to come home to a nice, tidy, peaceful home, it’s better not to have kids. It sounds like more and more, he’s opting out of family life. It’s a shame really.

I don’t know what to suggest except don’t pander to him. This is the life he chose, so he has to accept it.

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