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Parenting

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Original poster

Kids out the way by 7pm

104 replies

Storminateacup74 · 28/01/2019 21:02

How do your D.C. greet their dad when he returns from work?? My hubby gets home between about 730 and 8pm and often walks into what he calls a war zone. The kids are 12 and 10 and their is quite often homework being done, or a friendship issues to deal with, one of them coming home from one activity or another and the house is not yet spotless from their tea. He wants them both upstairs in their rooms when he gets home all friendship issues homework and activities shoukd have been done so he can walk into a quiet pleasant house for a relaxing evening. Unfortunately when he walked in tonight one child was in the middle of a factieme call with her friend which was getting a bit heated and the other was being dropped off after cubs so needed a shower etc. He takes his dinner and eats it upstairs now until kids are out of his away. Adult time after 7pm apparently. Is this normal?.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GrandmaJane · 28/01/2019 23:10

I wouldn’t like to live with him. He sounds like a complete cunt.

GreenTulips · 28/01/2019 23:16

Why are you still married?

You reap what you sew and he’ll have no relationship with these kids when they are older - they won’t want to visit and he won’t be able to interact

Is that what you want?

RandomMess · 28/01/2019 23:17

Take he didn't want DC as he certainly doesn't want them now

By 13 mine are wanting to go to bed 10pm ish like we do!

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OliviaPopeRules · 28/01/2019 23:19

Sounds like a total dickhead

BartonHollow · 28/01/2019 23:21

Falls into LTB category

He is being completely unreasonable but is being insistent enough about it to have you believing he might be right. Gaslighting.

And if he's not engaging in fatherhood or family life or being a supportive coparent/husband then frankly you need him as much as a fish needs a bicycle IMO

Sexnotgender · 28/01/2019 23:32

Does he have any good qualities because he sounds horrendous?!

MrsTerryPratcett · 28/01/2019 23:44

Are you married to Jacob Rees Mogg?

That's what I was going to ask.

You get from children what you give. He gives nothing and expects love and respect. I'm curious as to why you are still with him. I love DH partly because of the bond I see between him and DD. Melts my cold heart.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 29/01/2019 00:03

What’s he like on the weekends op?

My dh needs a breather when he comes home from work but then he’s fine.
Tonight he came home at 8. Kids were mucking around, house was a tip, he popped in to the living room to say hi then went upstairs for a bit for a breather and got changed and had a wash.
Then he was fine. Chatted to the kids while he ate then looked at football boots on line with dc1.

Your dh sounds like he just can’t be bothered with his kids.

BackforGood · 29/01/2019 00:09

Are you married to Jacob Rees Mogg?

Have to agree with everyone else - this really isn't normal behaviour.

In what way does he have any relationship with his dc?
What is he contributing to family life?

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 29/01/2019 00:19

He would be getting massive grief from me. He's a stranger to the kids & they'll just see him for what he is...

Are you expected to be fragrant, calm & fetching his slippers for him too?

Unless he has a massive redeeming feature(s)?

Or is it just misogynistic nonsense?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2019 00:24

If he didn't want children, he shouldn't have had them. He could quite easy come home to a quiet empty house where he lives alone.

I fe sorry for your kids, knowing he doesn't like them

swimmerforlife · 29/01/2019 01:29

I am generally not one to shout LTB but seriously you should.

I can't believe you have let him be an absent / useless parent for nearly 13 years, I am gobsmacked he's never given him a bath. God knows how you have put up with him for so long.

My 4yo would be lucky to be in bed by 7pm, never mind pre-teens.

GreenTulips · 29/01/2019 03:34

He could quite easy come home to a quiet empty house where he lives alone

He still has that option, except he’d have to cook his own tea, wash his own clothes and make his own bed.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 29/01/2019 03:46

Sounds like he wants a perfect show family, are you happy your kids are treated this way, could you leave?

Longnightahead1234 · 29/01/2019 03:58

My father was always like that (wanted kids cleared away by the time he got home from work, was moody and resentful when we got too old to be cleared away at 7pm). He's been divorced for fifteen years, never met anyone else, doesn't have any hobbies, hates his rented flat and hasn't tried in a decade and a half to make it look even a tiny bit like a home.. His only really interest, ironically, is his grandchildren, but I'm the only one of his kids who allows him any real contact. I feel really sorry for the old bastard but he's a bit of a cautionary tale really.

brookshelley · 29/01/2019 04:15

He needs counselling - this is not normal at all. What kind of "peace" do you need from a 10 and 12 year old?! They seem to have their own lives a bit e.g. doing homework, talking with friends on FaceTime. Does he want to pretend they completely do not exist?!

If you'd said they are 3 and 5 I'd have been more sympathetic to him, I'm a fan of early bedtime for young children. But 10 and 12 is insane! My DF was a totally hand off father on things like bathing, bedtime, etc. but he was always happy to watch a bit of TV with us when he got home from work before we went to bed!

SnowdropFox · 29/01/2019 05:09

Your posts make me quite sad OP! I don't know how it cope without the support of my dp. Time for a heart to heart with him about all this before stress and resentment leads to you wanting to leave him. If he is unwilling to change then you might have to re-evaluate your relationship.

Porridgeoat · 29/01/2019 05:18

What planet is he on. Probably manageable when the kids were toddlers, unreasonable expectations when the kids are 10/12. Is very strange to expect adult time from 7 with preteens. Why not switch things around so that everyone eats together at 7 and they can all catch up and chat about their days before bedtime. Surely as their dad he needs to spend some quality time with them daily

Porridgeoat · 29/01/2019 05:23

So is everything child related on your shoulders? Have you asked him to take on his share?

He sounds like a Victorian father

Limpshade · 29/01/2019 05:31

Wow. WOW. I have two 2-and-under. At 7pm they're just about ready to go to their bedrooms for a wind down/stories/milk,** with bed at 7.30. Again, they're 2 and under, not 10 and 12!

DH would be really disappointed if he came home to find them already in bed. In fact, he's been working late recently and has complained about missing bathtime. And he's the first to admit he can actually be quite lazy/shirking about stuff with the kids. He just enjoys spending that

Limpshade · 29/01/2019 05:33

sorry, posted before I finished

He enjoys spending that time with them at the end of the day. In return, they both light up whenever he's around and I have to listen to the endless questions about the whereabouts of daddy daddy daddy I almost feel sorry for your DH that he's never going to have that with your kids. Almost. Because he sounds like a twat.

Poppylizzyrose · 29/01/2019 05:42

Jesus things have changed my dds father and I aren’t together and he’s desperate to change dds nappy bathe her cuddle her, she’s only 2 months old and he does it all and he’ll have to do everything for her as we’re not together. I wonder what these type of men do if parents separate, I wouldn’t of stayed with him!

QueenOfCatan · 29/01/2019 05:50

What a grumpy bastard. My DH got home relatively late last night at 1925, absolutely starving as he hadn't eaten since an early lunch, first thing he did was sit down and chat to our 2yo, ask about her day, then he rushed dinner so that he could read her second story to her before bed. I wouldn't be impressed if I was with somebody who walked in and ignored her, that's asking for a shite parent/child relationship, especially at 10/12 years old!

JenniferJareau · 29/01/2019 05:56

Sounds like he never wanted children to begin with with his attitude.

HoppingPavlova · 29/01/2019 05:58

I don’t understand what “eat his dinner in peace” means? I would think it means eating while not having to spoon feed a baby or ‘negotiate’ with a toddler at the same time. I would not equate it with tweens being locked away in their rooms. How bizarre.

He sounds like a complete knob that has just stepped out from the 50’s. Hate to say it but you sound like an enabler. I’d tell him to do one.

Christ, even now with an older teen and young adult life is chaotic. If my DH or myself gets home at that time we pitch in with whatever needs to be done. Doing a pick up, acting as taxi service. Dealing with the fact that the teen has an assignment due the next day and at 8pm has just discovered the printer is out of ink etc. It’s never fucking ending. But you pitch in, you don’t take a dinner off to a room and ‘eat in peace’ (that’s if the chaos up to that point has eased enough for the person already home to actually have made dinner ).

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