Alfie Kohn/Unconditional Parenting. Is it possible in a normally boistrous 3 year old with pretty much no ability to sit and reflect?

[fillyjonk]

I am re-reading Unconditional Parenting

The trouble is that I CANNOT see how to work it with my family.

Sometimes my kids have to do things when I need them to do them. And also NOT to do things when I need them not to do them. I think that this is partly because I have youngish kids (3 and 2) and partly becuase I have 2 with a small age gap. And they DO fight and take all the juice and hit each other. And I am not really willing to sit with them and say "now fillygirl, how do you think fillyboy felt when you hit him?", to which she will say "Happy! Happy!" and giggle and run away.

But also, this sitting down and reflecting on stuff business. My 3 year can't/won't do that. I have no idea if its developmentally normal/a boy thing or whatever but...and if he won't, how can I get a 2 year old to do it?

Also I think he is telling you not to say thank you to your kids. I can't do that! It'd be rude!

I know one woman who i think does follow Alfie Kohn. She is a very good parent, though I think she gets very burnt out at times. But she has only one.

Thoughts?

Last year

I enjoyed it at the end. When I was revising and it all came together. And the seen question, which I thought I would hate, actually proved illuminating. On behaviourism anyway

Ah Gess,was just about to recomend Don't Shoot the Dog ! You beat me to it.
I buy it for everyone these days.

It was recommended repeatedly at the Growing Minds course. The guy running it also said if a dolphin trainer ever offered to work with our kids we should snatch them up as they are so good at shaping you don't even see it happen

It was recommended repeatedly at the Growing Minds course. The guy running it also said if a dolphin trainer ever offered to work with our kids we should snatch them up as they are so good at shaping you don't even see it happen

I kind of brought the whole thing around again as I gave a copy to a friend this week who is a horse and dog trainer.Will be interesing to see what she thinks of it.
She is also expecting first baby at the age of 45 (!) and has a rather.....challenging dp so food for thoguht I felt.

I did an essay Gess for my MSc in which we had to challenge Kohn's assertions that 'rewards were useless '.
Actually,I had to do two-one non research based (ie gut feeling) and one research based.

That was fun!

Kohn doesn't get that 'rewards' are not synonymous with reinforcers in behavioural terms.

PMSL @ challenging dp. That was my feeling of kohn- that he just doesn't understand reinforcement, and what it is.....

The eclamation mark was one of joy Aviatirx.
We are delighted for her!
She is the unflappiest pg woman i ahve ever seen. She took my kids riding last week (leading them aronud a ring) and effortlessly scaled a near vertical bank at 38 weeks!!

ok will go back and read whole thread but jesus god-Little Albert!

OMG. have found link

behaviourism IS a lot more complex than skinner and so forth. actually i think its a philosophical distinction really but...

oh the rest is just hijacks

i am doing OU maths, MS121 and MS221 (tbh, with unexpected db on the way i might have to drop 221 though its more interesting and bizarely i have nearly a perfect 100% on it ). have jsut completed MU120 (average score 74% but i did forget to submit an assigment due to severe boredom with course).

don't do OU maths, it is AWFUL.

on my msc course, litle albert is cited as a example of very bad practice.stressed that would never get past an ethics committee now.

danae i am picking up on your no discipline => vile and obnoxious kids. sorry.

why? are they ACTUALLY behaving any worse than other kids? or is it that the fact that they are told off makes you feel better (sorry but I have a 3 year old and have had SO MANY debates on MN about this, esp with parents of very young kids)

fwiw the properly alfie kohn'd kids i know are actually VERY well behaved. if i am honest, that is what worries me.

What IS certainly a problem is lack of parenting, of sitting back and letting them run riot, but kohn really does not suggest this.

OMG!

How awful!

oh lol moony

I had problems getting MY dissertation through an ethics committee. it consisted of asking primary age kids lots of intrusive questions about religion, basically, with various cognitive stuff chucked in too (think piaget bascially), i saw NO problem with this at ALL, which makes me lol in retrospect really.

my dad did the same. actually ou maths put him off so much he ended up at a Proper University

the problem is its not aimed at non mathematicians (i think its a safe bet that if you are doing OU maths you are NOT a mathematician). it is all written in simple mathematese and i find it enormously hard to give a crap about it really. i like calculus and trigonometry but the rest is vile.

i think if it wasn't for dp, who has a phd in maths and actually ENJOYS this sort of thing so keeps me enthused I would have dropped it.

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