My son is a bully and I don't know what to do.

[MumofBully]

I'm just back from the school run where I was called in by the head who explained that today my son gathered a gang of weak minded types with the specific intention of bullying another boy. He walked round leading a gang of others and terrorising this one boy.

A couple of days ago, at a party at a soft play area, he did the same thing to a girl. I told him off.

I have no idea what to do or how to deal with this.

Sadly today he has a friend home with him. I owuld cancel but it's a long standing arrangement and the friend's mum is out so the punishment/talk/whatever will have to wait until the friend has gone.

I don't really know where to start. I'm very shocked and sad. I have no idea why he might do something like this.

I'd appreciate some help please.

How old is he?

Are you sure your son is the ringleader?

Do you know if there is anyone treating your son like this without your knowledge?

I mean do you think there is anyone.... etc.

He's 7. The boy he was terrorising used to terrorise him. He's a troubled but very nice boy. He is particularly vulnerable at the moment (the other boy) due to family issues. This makes things even more shocking.

From what the head said he is definitely the ring leader. Reports from the party suggest he was also the ring leader in that incident.

If you go to the Parents section of www.bullying.co.uk there is a subsection on the right hand side called "What to do if your child is a bully". You need to click on this link.

HTH

Thanks Attila. I'll do that.

Has anyone else been through this and come out the other side?

I haven't (dc's are too young) but I can imagine how upsetting it is for everyone involved, so a friendly bump for you

Thanks Yaddah. I kmow people are busy with dinner at the moment, but I feel compelled to bump this. I'm looking forward to some evening responses.

What did he say about the party incident? Was he sorry - did he realise what he did was wrong?

Don't worry, don't worry xx

My DD had episodes of "bullying behaviour" during Y1. DH and I were in tears about it. We could not understand how it had happened, we were absolutely destroyed about it.

The way it manifested itself was nastiness in the playground and not working nicely with other people in class. An example is "Do I have to work with X because X really is USELESS at maths". Yuck!!! I am cringing telling you this.

I think it was caused by a combination of (a) DS going to "her" school (b) insecurity in a particular friendship (c) the illness of a family member (d) general shirtiness over not wanting to do what she is asked to do.

We just sat her down and explained it to her. It did help that she saw we were shocked by the behaviour. There were no instances of it reported after Y1. I still keep a sharp eye on her at playdates etc just to make sure she is playing nicely.

Your DS will grow out of it with your support. Sorry you are going through this.

I did a thread a while ago about striding up to this woman whose son was making ds1s life miserable, and she said, very kindly and not at all shirtily, that ds1 was making HER son's life miserable. They are 9.

So we got them together. We both told them that the other one liked them very much. And it worked. Hurrah. No more nastiness on either side.