4 yo wasted everything i bring in thr house

[billiefox92]

Okay im going to go mad. My daughter wastes everything. From my make up to tooth paste even food and drink items. She literally just empties them out and walks away! Ive had enough 😭

It sounds like attention seeking to me. I think the idea of moving her into your room is a good one.

Tell your social worker this is a difficult time of day for you. I used to have someone from a charity come to my house at 7.30am to help with the dc so I could get to work and that was sourced by social services.

Also, I shared a room with DC1 when I was a loan parent.
It's a hassle, but I've always co-slept with the kids.
My youngest is 4 and shares a room with his sister. I still wake up around 5am and get into bed with him (he usually stirs around 5am and if I get into bed, he'll sleep for a couple of hours and so will I).
But I find that sleeping together or at least having a morning cuddle and chat in bed before the day starts makes EVERYTHING so much easier. Cuddles connect us and there's something about the calm of just having a nice morning snuggle before the stress and fatigue of the day sets in, that just makes it all so much easier to face.

She is four and unsupervised so shouldn't be too surprised really. What time does she wake? Set your alarm for fifteen minutes before she does. Put everything out of reach as soon as it comes into the house, use the top cupboards in the kitchen and invest in a bathroom cabinet, put a lock on your wardrobe.
Then invest in some sensory play activities, a sand and water table in the garden, play doh, bath toys. Cause and effect toys like a marble run, clik clak track, domino rally and enable her to get the sensory feedback she is craving in more acceptable ways with you during the day.

I have a 4 year old and although she can be left unattended for short periods I wouldn't leave her too long as really stupid things seem like a brilliant idea to little people.

What time is she getting up in the morning and what time are you getting up? Could she come into bed with you? When my husband is away and I have had a bad night with the baby and the 4 year old gets up at a stupid time I let her watch the iPad in my bed while I doze. It means I get more rest and I know she's safe.

Sounds like she's attention seeking. My friend's 6 year old is exactly the same, his mum has your condition. He's only 6, but up by himself almost everyday. No one to talk to, no one to look after him, she boasts how he makes his ownbeakfast but then complains that he gets into trouble whilst being on his own because she's still fast asleep and he's having to look after himself. This isn't just mornings either, it's most of the time. I don't know how you can go about solving tbis, but if you're bit capable of looking after your child something else needs to be sorted.

Op you are more worried about the mess your daughter is making than the fact that she is having to fend for herself. Your child is not displaying normal behaviour for a 4 year old and I would be concerned as to why if I were you. Could she be lonely and craving your attention? Does she maybe have some undiagnosed special needs? Have you spoken to your HV about it? I understand your illness,but could you not set an alarm and get up with her in the morning and sleep when she's gone off to school/nursery? What do you do when she misbehaves? Are their consequences for her behaviour and are you constant with these?

If it was me.i would have her sleeping in the bedroom with me to be safe for another few years, or until she is able to look after herself without getting into trouble.
Agree with this. You need to be able to wake up when she gets up in the morning. Obviously it is not your fault as you have an illness, but being fast asleep and not waking up when she is wandering around the house is no different to if you were out of it because of medication or other substances, she is unsupervised and clearly not ready to be so.

It may not be normal behaviour for a 4yo, but she is not have a normal 4yo life.

I suppose you don't know how long your DD is alone for before she wakes you up OP?
Doesn't she have to be up at a certain time to get to school/nursery?
She is seeking attention - she knows if she displays that behaviour she will get a reaction from you.

I know you have a disability, but I think this situation is dangerous for a 4yo. Yes, most can be left to play for a while on their own, but their parent/carer will be aware of what is happening! She could be doing anything. Just locking her out of rooms is not fair on her. I think you need to discuss this with your social worker or GP. See if there is any extra help you can be getting.

In the first instance though, put your cosmetics, medicines etc out of reach or put them in a locked cupboard. Don't just shut of entire rooms.

Sorry but if you’re incapable of caring for your child due to disability then your child should come first and be taken care of by an adult that’s physically able. It’s simply not good enough that the child has to come and wake you up, that is terrifying to be honest. What happens if during the night there’s a fire or an emergency and you sleep through it?

I also think this is more than one thing going on. It's attention seeking because she is bored and lonely. It's also sensory play.
We see a lot of this when new children start nursery. Especially those from very tidy homes! It's natural exploration, not really being naughty . Though I understand that it's messy and annoying.
Does she attend a nursery or playgroup? I assume she will start school in September. I think she needs lots of opportunities for outdoor/sensory/art play. Ask your support people to help arrange this for her.

Mine did this when she was about 3. I was mortified when she emptied a nice £10+ bubble bath down the sink.

I just had to move everything out of her reach for a while as it all just seemed too tempting for her.

She is still partial to 'making potions'..!

Sounds like you need extra help op. Do you have any family members that you could rent a room to?

Ask a family member to move in and pay rent to look after the ops child?

I see you added some more info since I originally posted and as others have pointed out you really do need to do something about an unsupervised small child, what would happen if she had an accident and didn't wake you up, when would you wake up naturally? That's actually really concerning imo.

Start with the practical things for now and maybe ask your GP if you haven't already if there's anything that might help you.

Maybe it's a reminder to all those with 4 year olds to put expensive make up and toiletries well out of reach if they can't be trusted.

My niece with ADHD/ ASD does this

My niece with ADHD/ ASD does this

This is MN at its absolute worst.

A four year old is living in a house with locks on most of the interior doors. She has to get herself up in the mornings and find herself something to drink, because her mother who mysteriously cannot operate an alarm clock has to be got up by her four year old child. Sometimes the child spills makeup, while left alone in a house with locked doors with her mother asleep, which the mother regards as the big problem.

MN suggestions include more punishments, a variety of entirely unsupported Autism/ADHD diagnoses, more suggestions of punishments, a variety of suggestions for more locks, and a relative coming and paying to parent the child.

Sheesh. There's a four year old, and the problems are not her, and are not the makeup.

ReflectentMonatomism why are you ignoring the fact that most of the replies are not remotely along the lines of the small minority of goady or unhelpful/ daft ones you've decided to pick out?

I found a 3 year old girl wandering the streets after I dropped DD to school one day. I got out of my car and asked her where she lived. She took me back to her house which was a street away and the front door was wide open. I knocked on the door and a man came down in his pyjamas (it was 9.15 in the morning), he said he was asleep and his daughter had been playing in the lounge on her own whilst his wife took her other DC to school.

It is never a good idea to let DC get up and stay in bed yourself. You should set an alarm and get up. Maybe move yourself to the sofa downstairs to rest whilst your daughter is awake and then you can supervise her more closely and she can talk to you and have attention rather than being on her own. Also move anything you don't want her to get her hands on until she is less interested in tipping things out.

What happens when she does it? What are the consequences? Unless she has some kind of learning disability she is old enough to understand that the behaviour is unacceptable

OP I have fibromyalgia and CFS and 2 children under 5. There is no way that I couldn't not get up. I set alarms. Both my kids have to go to school during the week so there would be no excuse to not have them up and dressed and out of the door by 8:30.
I combat my fibro with iron tablets, magnesium and vitamin D.
Your daughter is probably crying out for attention and is bored. And I'm sorry to say this but you need to try harder. Having fibromyalgia doesn't stop you from being an effective parent. Some of us just have to get on with it.

I think op's gone back to sleep.

NutElla5x I think OP wanted to be told she has a difficult, naughty child, poor her, 4 year olds are hard for all of us let alone someone with chronic fatigue and OP is coping with so much, poor lamb, rather than actual parenting advice.

Obviously it must be harder with a health condition, but as BellatrixLeStrangest says, and shows by example, if you choose to have a child you have to shelter that child from the impact of your health condition as far as humanly possible, you can't abdicate responsibility and punish or blame the child for the natural consequences of your lack of parenting.

I quite agree blueskies. My sympathies for that little girl far outride any I might have had for the op I'm afraid,especially as she didn't even acknowledge that the problem could well be something to do with her parenting.

I chose to not reply to most comments as so many were just negative and rude. Im getting relavent help for my health condition and i wouldnt have choosen to have a child if i had this illness before she came along. But the illness was a result of giving birth. She attends nursery 3 days a week and she gets alot of attention at home. She may be awake half an hour before me in the morning. As to the suggestion to alarms some times they wake me some times they dont.