MIL gave ring to other DIL and not me

[GingerCookie2018]

Hey I’m wondering if anyone can help.
My MIL has two sons, they both got engaged last year (one to me!)
But the other DIL, she’s the favourite because she’s all cute and petite and quiet and foreign. Anyway, she got a family heir loom ring for engagement from our MIL, and I got nothing. And MIL says ‘you’ll get nothing until I’m dead’ but it wasn’t in a nasty way. Anyway, I’m actually really upset about this. Yes, I got a brand new shiny expensive engagement ring, but she got a meaningful family heir loom. :-(
How do I get over the crushing reality that I’m just not good enough and never will be for my new family? (Both her sons got married this year, which is why she’s MIL now!)

I hope you have a thick skin - I fear the responses on this thread will not be kind

You get over it by realising you’re being ridiculous.

One heirloom doesn’t divide between two people. And it’s probably nothing to do with you personally how she chose to bestow it. The first engagement? The older son? The son who was closer to the original owner??

Oh, and I answered as I did (typing before the post above mine appeared) because I have had it brought home to me in the last year or so that life is too short to squander on slights and grudges. If you don’t want to be friends with MIL because you don’t like her, then fine. But don’t nurture grievances

She probably knew her other son couldn’t afford a ring whereas your fiancé could. Or some other reason to do with her sons.

It isn’t a reflection on you. Just carry on and concentrate on your own engagement. Don’t worry too much about what your MIL thinks- you can never control that.

This is your dh's problem really, not yours. Perhaps the precious ring owner stipulated which son it went to.
Seems like a very petty issue.

Who got engaged first ?

*previous ring owner

I think it is unfair to treat two sons differently by offering one a family heirloom for his fiancee and the other, nothing. Her son may well be hurt by the obvious difference in treatment.
If she is making it obvious that you are not important to her, it gets you off the hook if she starts needing your help or wanting your time later on.

You lost me when you said she got a family heirloom because she's foreign.

Which son is the oldest?

She's probably quietly annoyed that she has to have an old ring that isn't her style whereas you get a lovely new one that is just as you like it. I always felt a little sorry for Kate having to have her late MIL's ring and having to pretend to be happy about it (although she may be genuinely happy to have it, and I'm just projecting how unappealing I find it on to her).

There will be other jewellery as your MIL has said, and none of it will be worth all that much anyway as old-fashioned, second-hand stuff doesn't hold value very well.

Your ring came with ribbons, as all gifts should, not with the strings attached to a family heirloom.

So you got a beauty ring that you like and had some say in and she had a family ring that she might not even like imposed in her?

Perhaps she is envious of you? Hmm?

Is her DH the older son?
Was he closer to the relative whose ring it was?
Is it a teeny tiny old ring that couldn’t be sized up (my DGM left beautiful rings but she had incredibly tiny hands and they don’t even fit my DD)
Perhaps she offered the ring to both sins and your DH said he preferred to buy a new family heirloom for you.

There’s a million reasons for this choice none of which have anything to do with which DIL she likes better.

You are taking a very unpleasant attitude to this.

I think it is unfair to treat two sons differently by offering one a family heirloom for his fiancee and the other, nothing.

So what is mil supposed to do? She can't take it with her, as the saying goes, and she can't divide one heirloom in two. Whether now or later, at some point before she dies, she has to decide which son/dil to give it to.

I wish I was like these mumsneteers who are all calm and dignified and take the moral high ground and just so nice and sensible!

I’d hold a grudge for the rest of my life, I’d name children after my parents, explain that when you get a dog you’ll name it after her and never spend any time with them especially on important family occasions. Just to be a bitch.
She’s soon want to cut that ring in half!

Foreign?

Please tell me that was a typo?

If there's only one ring then only one son can have it, how would you have felt if you were given it?

Maybe the son ASKED for the ring to propose with? Whereas your DH wanted to choose one himself?

Mil had the choice of:

a) Having a sulking you, because 'cute and petite and quiet and foreign' DIL got ring

b) Having a sulking 'cute and petite and quiet and foreign' DIL because you got the ring

c) Half a ring each

d) Selling the ring and going on a cruise with a toy-boy.

Are you Megan Markle?

Dont play the game of trying to be MILs favourite daughter in law.

Just work on your relationship with MIL with the aim that a) you can have a lovely family dynamic and she can be close to her son and future grandkids b) one day she'll turn to you and say 'you know, I gave my mother's ring to the wrong DIL gingercookie.

There must have been a rationale- her fiancé was the older son?- and what was it? That would inform how I felt about it.

Maybe she's saving the diamond tiara for you.

Honestly, you're married, time to get over this.

Are you Megan Markle?