My mother-in-law gave my 12 yo daughter some wine

[Swisscheese14]

Hey ! I am having a huge issue with my hubby because of what his mother did. Do you think I am overreacting or I am right to be pissed off ?

My 12yo daughter stayed with her grandparents on Wednesday, when I came to pick her up , her face was all red , she could barely walk and she was smelling of booze. My mil told me she gave her some wine to try, and she loved it so she had 3 glasses !!!!

I was so so angry I just walked out and brought my baby home. I waited for her dad to come and told him how furious I was. But he said to me that it's not a big deal and he started drinking at this age too. I am so mad. Am I overreacting ?

A little taste or a bit mixed with lemonade is ok. Three glasses is unacceptable. I would not her stay over or go without you until your mil realises how potentially dangerous this could have been.

Totally unacceptable. Agree with PP that a splash topped up with lemonade on special occasions is not too bad but most of a bottle? No way.

She's an irresponsible adult who got your DD so drunk she was sick.
My teenaged DGC would be shocked if we offered them a glass of wine though they may well drink alcohol when with their friends. We drink wine regularly but certainly would never even consider offering alcohol to anyone under 18.

Tell your DH it's not up to his mother to decide whether or not your DC drink alcohol, and I would definitely not be letting her see your DC without you being there.

Even assuming tiny glasses that’s half a bottle of wine.

I’d drink that over the course of a relaxed Sunday dinner.

Way way too much for a 12 year old.

I’d be ok with half a small glass with a special family meal (eg Xmas dinner).

Tomorrow I’d contact social services and ask for advice. If nothing else you’ve covered yourself should she talk about it at school (teachers would have to report it if they overheard the conversation).

“YABU referring to a 12yo as “my baby”
HTH.”

Can you explain how that might actually help, purplehammer? Rather than just making you look sneers and sarky?

Problem is that your 12yo wasn't drinking in a safe place. She was drinking in a place where her consumption was uncontrolled and effectively unsupervised, leaving her drunk and vomiting (asleep in bed, hugely dangerous!). Your MiL is not a fit person to have unsupervised contact with your D.C. because, despite the consequences for your DD, she still thinks she did the right thing.

How’s your dd today?

Does your mil and / or DH have issues with alcohol? Seems a very odd response from both of them otherwise.

I was ready to come and say you are over reacting, a bit of wine with dinner at 12 is fine... but 3 glasses and knowingly getting your granddaughter pissed is hideous!

My grandmother used to give us about a shot's worth of wine occasionally with Sunday dinner to teach us that alcohol was something you had with a meal and not a sneaky secret... it worked for me, my siblings and cousins.

Anyway, you MIL sounds immature and irresponsible. I wouldn't let my children near her!

Even if she were 17, 3 glasses on a school night would be unacceptable. At 12 it is dangerous.

I have a 12year old DD and whilst I would be having very strong words with MIL I would also be having very strong words with DD. At 12 she is old enough to know this is wrong and needs to take some of the responsibility.

Mine are 11 and 14. Both have asked to try alcohol when I’ve had a glass of wine or a small beer. Both have tried it and neither have liked it. I agree that if they are interested, they shoukd try it, but in a safe and responsible way and with the permission of both parents.

At 14 I was offered heroin and lots of children in my year at school were having sex. What’s your “D”H’s attitude towards getting her prepared for those situations?

I’d show him this thread too. If he was my “D”H he would be already at his DM’s house though. How anyone can justify such utterly irresponsible and potentially fatal behaviour is quite beyond me.

I hope he cleaned the sick up?

Are you sure they knew how much she had? Maybe they let her try it and she topped up her glass? (Possibly.the kind of thing I would have done at s bit over 12).

Indeed.
My 17 year old doesn’t drink 3 glasses of wine.

3 bottles of weak beer over the course of an evening (8-12, say) with food, at a party, at the very most. Preferably those weak ‘stubbies’.

I used to think small tastes in the safety of home was a good thing but latest research indicates no underage drinking is best. A website has been set up to explain it whatstheharm.co.uk/ or if like me you've got no patience and want it summed up, here's the guardian link www.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/19/letting-children-try-alcohol-at-home-wont-deter-binge-drinking-say-uk-experts

You have to ask if it's ok to give a 12 year old 3 glasses of wine?

Yanbu. I was expecting you to say she let her have a sip to try it. 3 glasses is way way too much.

@Purplehammer seriously??? Was there any need for that AT ALL?

You just sound like a sarcastic snob.

Your daughter should know better , mine drinks at party’s bottles of vodka ect so I’d expect to be getting used to this - she’s 13 nearly 14 but has adhd so does take part in many risky activities which is frustrating.