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Original poster

My mother-in-law gave my 12 yo daughter some wine

94 replies

Swisscheese14 · 15/12/2018 19:16

Hey ! I am having a huge issue with my hubby because of what his mother did. Do you think I am overreacting or I am right to be pissed off ?

My 12yo daughter stayed with her grandparents on Wednesday, when I came to pick her up , her face was all red , she could barely walk and she was smelling of booze. My mil told me she gave her some wine to try, and she loved it so she had 3 glasses !!!!

I was so so angry I just walked out and brought my baby home. I waited for her dad to come and told him how furious I was. But he said to me that it's not a big deal and he started drinking at this age too. I am so mad. Am I overreacting ?

OP posts:
mammmamia · 16/12/2018 09:26

I am very laid back but this is totally unacceptable and you should not be letting your DC go there again. You need to show your DH this thread to show him that this is not on and actually quite serious.

Iloveacurry · 16/12/2018 09:27

I’d be livid. Your MIL and DH are fucking idiots. I wouldn’t allow my children to go for sleepovers at the MIL for a very long time or over there without me. She can’t be trusted. And the fact she didn’t apologise either.

EspressoPatronum · 16/12/2018 09:31

Jesus that's ridiculous. Yanbu at all!

@jackshouse interested in this research, do you have a link or anything? ☺️

Interested in this thread?

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Jackshouse · 16/12/2018 09:39

EspressoPatronum if you google teenage alcohol effects there are lots of links on British and American government website. Also try googling bbc news teenage drinking

Notsurehowifeel0 · 16/12/2018 09:42

I'm quite a laid back parent and allow my 12 year old to have a glass of wine some weekends with lemonade in so it's not much wine but she likes to have a glass with me. But even I would be absolutely fuming if my dd's grandparent gave her any alcohol at all. It isn't your Mil place to decide that your dd should now have a dink at home to learn because she'll be out drinking soon! Especially that much alcohol! I would be so so angry and my dd would not be going there alone again. And to be honest I would be seriously questioning my relationship with dh if he couldn't see my point of view on this. How can he possibly believe it is a grandparents right to give a child so much alcohol they are sick and drunk. My dh would be so annoyed and upset if he dm gave our dd alcohol. Your dh reaction to what your Mil has done to dd would upset me so much. How can he be ok with his mother being so awful and neglectful. My Mil is a pain and used to do lots of things I wasn't keen on but this would definitely be too far for me and she would not be having dd again.

ThanosSavedMe · 16/12/2018 09:48

A sip of wine I could just about accept (but still wouldn’t be happy about) but 3 fucking glasses! Absolutely no way

What is this obsession some people have with making children grown up? Would she also be happy for her to ha e a boyfriend sleep over as it’s best that they do it in a safe environment than the park?

There is no way that she would be seeing my children unsupervised ever again.

Maybe your dh doesn’t get it as he didn’t see how drunk she was or that she was ill from the alcohol in the night.

NataliaOsipova · 16/12/2018 09:52

Goodness me! When I saw the title of your thread, I rolled my eyes a little and thought you meant your MIL had let her have a sip of hers, or had given her a splash in a glass with some lemonade or something. (I once had a friend asking me what I thought of giving alcohol to children....turns out she was getting angsty over her granny’s Christmas cake FFS!).

Three glasses is ridiculous. Enough to make her sick is totally irresponsible. I’d be furious and your DH should be too.

seven201 · 16/12/2018 10:01

3 glasses!!! How irresponsible. I'd be so so angry. She's encouraging binge drinking, not a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Show your dh this thread. He's being a dick. Just because he was brought up that way doesn't make it right.

DyingMachine · 16/12/2018 10:01

I would be pretty smashed after 3 glasses.

Your husband is being an absolute twat btw. There will be no getting through to him, he sounds pig headed.

WeAreSailing · 16/12/2018 10:05

You need to show your DH this thread!

yesmelord · 16/12/2018 10:07

Oh god no!

This really isn't normal and I second showing DH this thread!

Feb2018mumma · 16/12/2018 10:13

One glass surely the first time and at home! It's not grandparents right to decide when a child tries alcohol? Also 3 glasses is a 16 year old at a family party MAYBE not a 12 year old? Get her ready for going out... What 12 year old goes out! Your husband is so confusing? Wonder how he'd feel if your parents got his 12 year old drunk!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/12/2018 10:14

I’m very relaxed about alcohol but FFS, this is way out of line. Your MIL is an idiot and so is your DH.

jusdepamplemousse · 16/12/2018 10:19

This is awful.

What has your poor DD had to say about it? I imagine she isn’t in a hurry to repeat the experience.

Do not let your DH minimise this. Honestly I would be insisting he do some reading / talking to a medic about the effects of alcohol on a young body / bloody something to educate himself!

junebirthdaygirl · 16/12/2018 10:30

A study carried out here in lreland found that parents attitude to dc drinking early was a big influence on their drinking going forward. The stricter the parents the better. Dc would experiment but parents should not encourage it or facilitate it. Your dh should be shocked and up in arms. The later they start the better as more mature with better developed brains.
If he gave her 3 glasses of wine he would be in serious trouble with SS so grandma in loco parentis is abusing your child. She is totally irresponsible and not fit to be in charge of a child. If dd had been sleeping there she could have choked on her own vomit as l wouldn't trust that woman to keep a close eye on her at night.

GreyDuck · 16/12/2018 10:31

Introducing alcohol earlier at home in a controlled way is actually shown to increase children's drinking later. So if that's her argument, it doesn't stack up according to the latest research.
Regardless of that, letting your daughter drink so much that she's pissed and vomiting is hardly modelling responsible drinking is it?
Poor daughter. You are absolutely in the right here OP.

BeanBagLady · 16/12/2018 10:35

I think I would calmly but very firmly point out to DH and to MIL that MIL made her ill. Gave her a substance that affected her brain and poisoned her to the point that she was sick.

I am of the mind that gradual social drinking with a meal is best introduced in a safe family environment, and doesn’t become the glamourous forbidden holy grail for teens. But 12 is young and 3 glasses downright wrong.

Is your DH always defensive of his mother? Is MIL typically this idiotic and unreasonable?

Hopefully your Dd will actually be put off drinking for a good few years, now.

BeanBagLady · 16/12/2018 10:40

I would have gone round with the vomit covered bed clothes in a bun bag and emptied it in her hall, too. Let her deal with the consequences of her stupidity.

Mishappening · 16/12/2018 10:41

This is entirely unacceptable. MIL is right to say that it is better that their first drinks should take place in the family setting so moderate drinking can be put into context.

But 3 glasses of undiluted wine - what can she have been thinking of!

Certainly do not allow her to be with PILs unsupervised by you.

Your OH has got this entirely wrong. He is also endorsing the idea that soon she will be going out and getting legless and that this is normal. He should be helping her to have a sensible relationship with alcohol.

astoundedgoat · 16/12/2018 10:43

What is your husband's relationship with alcohol like now, OP?

Figgygal · 16/12/2018 10:44

I thought you were going to be speaking about a sip but 3 glasses I would be apoplectic that is absolutely disgusting

The fact she doesn't care Angry

justanotherchristmaspudding · 16/12/2018 10:46

I don't drink wine, but my mum and best friend are pretty tipsy after 1 glass and they drink it quite often.... 3 glasses for a 12 year old child who's never had alcohol before?! And she then vomited??????

Mrskeats · 16/12/2018 10:46

I also thought you were going to say she had a glass with some lemonade or something. I would be beyond furious.

ChrisTheCat · 16/12/2018 10:47

She didn't 'give her some wine' she got her drunk. That would be the last time they had sole charge of my kids.

Purplehammer · 16/12/2018 11:01

Your MIL was BVU giving you’re DD wine.
YABU referring to a 12yo as “my baby”
HTH.