MNHQ here: tell MPs about your experiences during the first 1000 days of your child(ren)’s life

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

Parliament's House of Commons Health and Social Care Committee are seeking parents’ views on the challenges they faced and the support they received during the first 1000 days of their child’s life. If there's anything you'd like the Committee to know, please post it on this thread by 21 December - more details from the Committee below.

Thanks
MNHQ

"The early years of a child's life from conception, through pregnancy to age two are vital to their physical, mental and emotional health and development. Problems that occur in this period can not only affect a person’s childhood, but the rest of their life: their physical and mental health, their ability to learn, communicate and manage their emotions."

"Parents have a critical role to play. For example, parents who are able to understand their baby’s cues and tune into their baby’s needs support their baby’s brain to develop. All parents need support during this time from their families and friends, but also from local public services (e.g. midwives, GPs, childrens’ centres and health visitors). These services can help to identify problems in a child’s development and provide support for parents and families to help make sure children are given the best start in life."

"We want to know from parents and would-be parents about their experiences during the first 1000 days of their child’s life, particularly the services they use: have they seen the same midwife, GP and health visitor at each appointment or visit? Were services delivered from the same location? How long did the appointments or visits last? Did you get the support you needed? Did you feel confident in speaking to them?"

"The feedback we receive from parents through replies to this forum post will be anonymised and used to inform our report, which will include recommendations for Government on how to improve the support available for families in the first 1000 days."

"Please reply by midday on 21 December if you want your experiences to feed into the report."

"Find out more about the First 1000 days of life inquiry here."

Oh and I think the cost of childcare in the U.K. is an absolute fucking joke. We're extremely lucky to get parental help but so many of our friends are struggling.

I had a birth without any painkillers due to hospital not believing me that I was giving birth and rolling their eyes at me saying it’s ok it’s your first you don’t need pain relief yet despite me begging them to help. I finally pressed the button in my room enough times to say this baby is definitely coming and they admitted that dd was on her way and no pain relief could now be given. Great start.

Then 6 months later my dh lost his job, most likely due to sleep deprivation as we had a sickly baby who never slept. I was on statutory maternity so no money coming in, all our savings had been saturated with baby things. Went to citizens advice for help for them to say benefits office count my earning in full even though on maternity so unless I quit my job I have no access to any help, we weren’t previously claiming child ben due to dh income. This forced me back into FT work immediately whilst still breastfeeding and my job refused to offer PT hours. Work were no support and told me I must have proof of childcare if I want to work from home one day out of 5, end up hiring a nanny due to long working hours (13 hour days) and just about breaking even until dh got a new job. i went on to have a breakdown and no longer work or feel well enough to work.
Imagine all the taxes the government lose out on if women like me are treated this way and I don’t know when I’ll be back to work. I really feel that there are better models for maternity leave out there to support working parents which don’t exist in the uk. I also think why is it that two parents in different companies can’t take baby leave at the same time, parents literally are allowed two weeks together and that’s that. Ridiculous, men and women should be allowed longer leave to spend time with baby. I needed help well past two weeks but dh had to go back to work. With me exclusively breastfeeding 24/7 only dh could work not me.

The pressure to go back to work at 6 months was awful as well as I basically watched a hired temp covering for me take my job away and ended up having to do my best to get her out my desk (literally she stole all my stationery and asked me if I was really sure I wanted to come back as she wouldn’t have a job then) not ok!
Childcare in this country is also too expensive and in my area all nurseries only opened 7:30- 6 which meant I couldn’t use them as my hours with my commute were longer. Pay in my area is too low to stay local so I burnt myself out affording nanny and saw my dd two days a week as a result.

Suffice to say I’ve stopped at one dc.

Not even close to 1000 days yet but the first 20 weeks have been full of ups and downs.

Firstly, our baby box from the Scottish government has been absolutely amazing, full of such useful things. I do see that as a first bit of support we received.

We saw a few different midwives once dd was born but primarily one who was lovely and supportive. She offered advice and help and wasn't pushy. Another was a little blunt and almost cruel about my struggles breast feeding (turns out my wee one had an undiagnosed tongue tie that was causing me so much pain and baby to struggle). That midwife was just repeating about breast being best and how formula wasn't a good idea. Frustrating as a new mum in pain and struggling to bond with her newborn.
A breastfeeding advisor was extremely kind and helpful when she visited the house. She referred me to the breastfeeding clinic in hospital who spotted the tongue tie. At my tongue tie clinic we again received some questionable advice from a nurse and when I told my health visitor she was horrified. I guess not everyone is up to date with advice and letting their strong personal feelings come through about feeding.

My health visitor is an absolute star and i would honestly be a lost ball of stress without her. She is much more understanding and looks at my daughter as an individual who may develop at a different rate than another wee one. I look forward to every visit. So helpful her coming to the house too, it can be a nightmare getting out. Especially in the early days.

Our local Dr and pharmacist have also been helpful at check ups and when seeking advice. Cannot fault them.

I am currently on month ten of my maternity leave and hate it! I love my son dearly, but I feel so lonely and isolated from everyone and everything. Having to go to my life now from a busy and fulfilling career in the civil service has just been the pits!
Baby’s drain your time immensely, and I don’t tend to get ready until after lunchtime which is enough to depress me. I go to bed with him at 7am and so to get washed and ready for 5/6 hours seems pointless at times, but I do it just to keep myself feeling human and have self respect.
The best my baby has been at sleeping is waking me up a minimum of 6/7 times a night. He is currently waking me about 10 times a night and so I often don’t have the energy to do anything. One of the reasons he wakes so frequently is because I am breastfeeding, something I believe the government is in support of, but for which there is little support for. I’m not talking about support to breastfeed, I’m talking about someone to relieve me now & again.
I believe I am doing the
more challenging type of parenting with my son, such as breastfeeding, gentle parenting, putting his needs above mine etc...and I am confident that he will end up being a well adjusted member of society and contribute well to the economy as do my husband and I, but this is currently at the cost of my wellbeing.
Occasional home help would be good or just someone, every now and again to come & watch my baby whilst I get tea prepared, or similar. I believe in non westernised societies that family and friends rally round and support the new parent, but this not the case in UK society. It certainly isn’t my experience.
In the past 9.5 months I have:-
-been out with my husband once (for 2 hours),
-not watched any tv except coronation st 😀 which I am constantly weeks behind on
-had my friends come to visit me because my son handles things better in his own home, and because often I am too tired to drive to see them.

I long to have some ‘me time’ where I could perhaps go to a spa where someone would watch my son during the day and I would feed him when required. Spas are only ever adult orientated.

My husband finishes work today for just short of 2 weeks and I feel such a sense of relief washing over me. He has a pressurised job and is expected to perform just as well as a colleague who isn’t woken up several times a night and has a wife with PND.
Please consider introducing a law which enforces employers to have a duty of care towards the partners of those on maternity leave.
My husband’s boss just piles more and more on my poor husband which in turn means he sometimes doesn’t get home to see me or our son before bedtime, and trust me, my husband works hard to strive for a healthy work/life balance. Often been commended as such in his appraisals!

Additionally, my son has a number of allergies and I have had to exclude lots of things from my diet so that he doesn’t receive the allergens through my milk. Our food bill has gone up substantially as a result and yet there is no financial support available. If I switched to bottle feeding I believe I could get his non cow’s milk formula for free, but yet there is no suppport to help encourage me to carry on breastfeeding. I understand PIP is available for those with the most severe allergies such as anaphylaxis, but in any case I don’t think this applies to my son at the minute (fortunately) (we are still working out his reactions and allergies), and in any case PIP is in recognition of someone’s care needs, not financial outlay.

And to finish, it would be really good if awareness could be raised with the population about how difficult it is to adjust to having a new baby. If people are educated they may be just that bit more considerate to us which would make a real difference to my day and may help me to feel less isolated. An example would be people not pinching the parent & child parking spaces.

By the way I have drafted this comment during one of my breastfeeding ‘breaks’!

Thank you for listening and apologies if this appears rantish. I came across this request for comment on one of my worse than normal days!

Hello

Thank you to everyone who has posted. Today is the deadline for responses and the Health and Social Care Committee has asked us to post the following on their behalf:

“We are very grateful to everyone who shared their experiences with us, and to Mumsnet for hosting us. We will use what you’ve told us to make recommendations for how Government and public services can improve support for children, parents and families from conception, during pregnancy and through the early years of a child’s life.

If you’d like to follow the inquiry on the First 1000 days of life, you can find out more on our website, and follow our Twitter account.”

Thanks
MNHQ