MNHQ here: tell MPs about your experiences during the first 1000 days of your child(ren)’s life

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

Parliament's House of Commons Health and Social Care Committee are seeking parents’ views on the challenges they faced and the support they received during the first 1000 days of their child’s life. If there's anything you'd like the Committee to know, please post it on this thread by 21 December - more details from the Committee below.

Thanks
MNHQ

"The early years of a child's life from conception, through pregnancy to age two are vital to their physical, mental and emotional health and development. Problems that occur in this period can not only affect a person’s childhood, but the rest of their life: their physical and mental health, their ability to learn, communicate and manage their emotions."

"Parents have a critical role to play. For example, parents who are able to understand their baby’s cues and tune into their baby’s needs support their baby’s brain to develop. All parents need support during this time from their families and friends, but also from local public services (e.g. midwives, GPs, childrens’ centres and health visitors). These services can help to identify problems in a child’s development and provide support for parents and families to help make sure children are given the best start in life."

"We want to know from parents and would-be parents about their experiences during the first 1000 days of their child’s life, particularly the services they use: have they seen the same midwife, GP and health visitor at each appointment or visit? Were services delivered from the same location? How long did the appointments or visits last? Did you get the support you needed? Did you feel confident in speaking to them?"

"The feedback we receive from parents through replies to this forum post will be anonymised and used to inform our report, which will include recommendations for Government on how to improve the support available for families in the first 1000 days."

"Please reply by midday on 21 December if you want your experiences to feed into the report."

"Find out more about the First 1000 days of life inquiry here."

Here’s what I want to say.

Why is formula pushed so much. Please don’t ever take away the advertising and promotion limits placed upon formula. I don’t know a single parent whi wasn’t put under pressure to use formula if their child was having difficulty with breastfeeding. More help from qualified lactation consultants needs to be available for those who want it including enough members of staff in wards and available in the first few weeks.

I would have appreciated more help with weaning my child too. I believe that the health visitor was so stretched she made assumptions about my middle class status and just assumed it was ok to leave me to it. Actually I had no idea and sleep deprivation meant I struggled through without asking for help. Then as I went back to work and put my child into child care I assumed the underpaid staff I left him with were doing all the right things RE food too. But they weren’t.

Children are 3 and 8 months.
What I struggled with most is Nursery. Unfortunately I don't have family who could help with childcare. I had to either quit my job, or send them to Nursery from age 1.
This is far too young in my opinion, and also the costs are crippling. It's cheaper to send them at school age to a privately funded school. Why does help for working parents only start at age 3, when maternity leave is maximum of a year?

Baby boy is 4 months old.

I'm using SPL with my husband as we both want time with our baby boy. But I'm breastfeeding too.

A year between both parents seems far too little. I'm taking 9 months and using a/l for another month and to effectively go part time until he is one. Hubbie has 3 months of SPL, he had 2 weeks paternity (not enough! Week one was in hospital!) And used 2 weeks a/l at the begining.

We're pretty fortunate compared to many to have relatively flexible employers and good maternity/SPL packages... It still feels too little. DS will need to go into some for of childcare for at least a couple of days from when DH goes back to work in July (DS will be 10.5 months). That seems really early.

We are encouraged as mums to breastfeed until 1. We are also told that it's important for both mum's and dad's to take time off. SPL is a great idea... But there are a lot of competing demands.

In Canada parents have 18 months which can be split between parents - instead of 12 months. This would help ease this issue.

I became disabled within weeks of giving birth. I wasn't offered any additional support and I didn't ask for any either. My health visitor appointments were not kept beyond the initial one at 12 weeks. In hindsight, I needed support to cope with the changes disability had caused. But I was scared to have people think I wasn't coping. I was, but only just. And life didn't need to be that hard. My child is 7 now and doing well, but we decided not to have another child because we weren't sure we could cope with the physical demands. I regret this so much. It's too late now. If we'd had support in the first 2 years of life, we would have felt better equipped to cope, and had confidence that we could. Our child has lost out on the chance to have a sibling, with all the pleasure and pain that brings!

The short summary is that funding for pregnancy and the first 3 years of life is way too low and this puts mother’s and babies at risk and generates lifetime costs.

First pregnancy in 2010 was high risk. A lot of consultant visits which were generally good, midwives were inconsistent but more often bad than good, with shocking levels of medical ignorance which could have caused real harm had I not been able to double-check their dubious statements with extended medical family (unfortunately abroad so unable to help directly). Labour was a dehumanising 27-hour affair with inadequate pain control when the midwives were in charge- only when the anaesthetist turned up did I feel I was being listened to properly. Baby was stuck, ventouse then forceps, which was mishandled and caused major haemorrhage: DH thought he would leave the operating room with only one of us. I was obviously very ill afterwards but was moved from the HDU too soon because I was the only patient on it and the manager decided he wanted to shut it. Back on the general postnatal ward the midwives had no idea how to look after me and delayed a transfusion for hours because first they failed to realise they needed to summon the doctor and then they were unable to supervise the transfusion. Had it not been for the fact that my mother was a doctor and insisted she would supervise it I would have waited over 24 hours for a transfusion in a situation that in most other European countries would have warranted staying on the HDU and having 1:2 nursing.
Sent home too early, baby was then v ill and needed to be readmitted for jaundice treatment- all due to initial ward not spotting he was not latching and was dehydrated.
First six months were a daze of breastfeeding problems and serious post-birth medical and mental health problems. Support was inadequate except for wonderful parenting course run by our GP practice: the senior nurse who oversaw it used it as an opportunity to spot those who needed more help and thanks to her I eventually got the right breastfeeding help (which meant I could exclusively breastfeed for 6 months and partially until my DC1 was 2).
Second pregnancy was low risk but midwives were even more incompetent (for example one of them did not understand trombophilia is excessive clotting and would failed to refer me to a consultant had I not spotted from her answers to a screening questionnaire that she did not understand the issue). Consultants (obstetrician and midwife consultant lead for supporting women with difficult birth history) again were great but the trauma caused by the first birth was such that we decided to go private to ensure we knew a senior consultant would be in charge of the birth. We were lucky that we could access private counselling for what turned out to be post traumatic stress disorder caused by the first birth-at that point I also realised I had had PND after the first traumatic birth, but it had not been spotted because I am very articulate and on the day the health visitor came after the birth my doctor mother was with me- so the HV wrote “well-supported” and disappeared, despite the fact that both DH and my mother then had to go back to work and to my home country respectively.

I raised concerns about DC1 when he was 2 but it took a long while to have the tests and assessments that resulted in ASD diagnosing when he was 6. We lost 4 years during which we could have helped him much better.
Access to services when he was little and undiagnosed was via Children’s Centres, so probably now it would be much harder to get help soon.

Reading the last few posts, who do parents think are responsible for their children

When I had mine Mat Leave was 6 months, there was no formal pat leave. We saved up before having children.

Who do parents think will pay sor all this subsidised childcare? DH and I are both university educated. No way did we think nursery nurses would give our dc the best start. We were still completely marginalised as parents by nincompoop.

First baby born in April 2018 in London.

I never saw the same midwife or health visitor twice. Despite this, I was happy with the care I received, probably as I had a straightforward birth and was able to breastfeed.

Childcare is the major issue I think. My husband is self employed so didn’t get any paternity leave. I’m taking the max mat leave I can, but my baby will be in nursery at 11 months. Where I live in London this will cost us £1500/month and I know that it isn’t the best thing for him. Ideally men would be entitled to statutory leave/pay whether employed or self employed IN ADDITION to what women are entitled to (not instead in the current SPL arrangements).

It is in society’s best interests that men take a greater role in childcare, especially in the early years, for so many vital reasons.

I found Emmas diary back in 2002 awful, it was preachy and terribly condescending. It didn't really cover working women and the many issues they face.
I was lucky to be in a small health centre and saw the same four midwives on rotation at the appointments, this was a great thing for not having to "re-tell a story" every appointment. I was hospitalised with very low blood pressure and really appreciated the midwives were abreast of the situation and communication was great. I did however dislike being called "mum" and not my name before and after my babies birth, it was odd to me and the two appointments my husband attended said he felt dismissed by the hcp.
I had my children in 2002 & 2004, the labour ward was overstretched then and during my second labour I was pushed off home not even 10 hours after giving birth and feeling disoriented and sick, I was re-admitted for excessive blood loss. It was awful and I believe what contributed to my PND. Also a woman gave birth in the toilet and another in the corridor. I was petrified to get pregnant again after seeing the shambles and my PND. My husband had a vasectomy very soon after.
I can never put into words the abject fear of being left on your own, hearing other women screaming for help and nobody coming.

@OhTheRoses

We saved up before starting our family. I'd be happy to pay higher taxes to make maternity and paternity leave more feasible.

"We want to know from parents and would-be parents about their experiences during the first 1000 days of their child’s life, particularly the services they use: have they seen the same midwife, GP and health visitor at each appointment or visit? Were services delivered from the same location? How long did the appointments or visits last? Did you get the support you needed? Did you feel confident in speaking to them?"

I had the same community midwife throughout pregnancy. I suffer from severe anxiety and this made a huge difference to me.

I was thrown after I had DS as I had different midwives for home visits, and one of them didn't bother to read my notes and decided to say something poor which set my anxiety off and made me utterly panic. DH made a complaint about it because of the state I ended up in, which resulted in the midwife concerned being retrained and the protocol being changed as they recognised there was a problem, but this wasn't without a lot of distress caused in the process.

My local health visitor was good before giving birth, but afterwards was patchy. I went to the local clinic which was nearby. At the time, I found getting out the house to go anywhere extremely difficult and stressful, so it being nearby was crucial for me.

The advice I got from the health visitors was totally useless as I expressed milk initally as I'd had so many problems with breastfeeding and they had knowledge in breastfeeding or bottle feeding but not expressed milk and it just was a waste of time. I ended up knowing more than them and using the internet, and getting very frustrated when they came out with utterly useless crap. Frankly Mumsnet was far better for advice and support at this stage.

Both the local midwife service and health visitor service closed just after DS turned a year old and moved to a central location some 10 miles away. In all honesty, I simply wouldn't have made it there by myself.

The service therefore in reality, is no longer there for the most vulnerable - its only there for the mothers who are just lacking a bit of confidence rather than those who are suffering from more serious anxiety or depression. I do not feel I would have been able to access the service today in the same way. If I had needed the health visitor after the service closed, when DS was slightly older, because it was further away and in a location I wasn't familiar with, again I wouldn't have tried to get in touch.

DS's 12 month health check was at a different location. I was accompanyied by DH as I was so stressed out about it. It wasn't someone I was familiar with and flippant remarks about wanting to have another child soon were not appreciated (it just demonstrated they hadn't read my notes) and were frankly utterly patronising. I was also actively told to stop breastfeeding DS at this point.

I was extremely well looked after for the most part during my pregnancy but I found that deciding to go to a different hospital to the regular one, to be a real issue for a really simple reason. The reason I choose to go to that hospital was because my local one had no maternal mental health facility and the one I went to did. The local services simply were not set up to cope with my problems. Its usual for someone from my area to go to the hospital I did, but it was not by any means unique.

Going to a different hospital led to a few issues because the local midwives were unfamilar with the different system and the forms. Its one thing for hospitals to have slightly different ways of working and when you have your tests etc which I completely understand and think its fine, its another for the forms with all your information on to be totally different. Why on earth there is not a standardised paperwork format across the country is beyond my comprehension. Its such a simple thing, but would have made a real difference. My midwives were forever trying to work out where important stuff was written down. My community midwife was very good in resolving it, but such a simple consistancy would have made a huge difference and saved time and resolved a couple of issues much quicker. It would have been easy for her to miss things, if she hadn't have been so experienced and on the ball. It created completely needless stress and work for all concerned.

After DS was born, things were not as good as there was no consistency of being looked after by someone who knew anything about me.

There is no good just throwing money at maternal mental health services without understanding that centralisation creates its own problems, the details matter and that having someone you've already built up a relationship with (or at least bothers to read your notes and is aware of your mental health issues), would make a lot of difference.

I definitely had undiagnosed post natal depression, and possibly pts to boot.Not one health professional explained why- I never saw the same nurse twice. Any question is, can I have a shower, can someone help me bath baby was met with, 'it's not hospital policy' to the point where I visualised a pile of policies that went from floor to roof. No time for individual care. Was hardly spoken to throughout- just very basic instructions.Definitely had an effect on my first couple days motherhood.

2006 , community midwives, health visitors bunged you a form to tick regarding p.n.d. I mentioned I felt beyond what was normal tired for breastfeeding mothers. I was told, yes but you don't want to throw yourself under a bus do you! I guess I might've meant paperwork etc. Not quite but it would've been nice to know that I was very anemic (blood test at 6 weeks, g.p didn't inform me until 2 years later.I had been passing out).

And that's been the theme since Tories have been in.Dismissed fast as lightening by clearly overstretched g.ps, schools, all fundamental state bodies. No support for 'minor' educational or health needs.Im fairly educated and could help my family to some extent, but it can be bleak. I despair for our next generation who can not, and are not getting basic needs met. The welfare state is not meeting from cradle to the grave. Let's hope army recruitment for any war won't involve teeth check- no one can get NHS dentist, basic.

Meant to put at start, I'd had emergency cesarian, 3 blood transfusions as lost 5 litres of blood. Was never told why. I thank them eternally for saving our lives, however with serious lack of attention after, I believe it triggered p.n.d and p.t.s

Was allocated a midwife only to find out she was on maternity leave. Never saw the same person twice. Had horrible pregnancy spending the last nine days in a Labour ward being induced (No sleep). Emergency caesarian. Due to medical condition needed low dose epidural. Felt everything. Never again.

Oh then I had Pnd. Ended up in hospital. Seriously bad couple of years.

The post natal ward needs to be clean and if bf rate improvements are required by public health, they need to be spotlessly clean, afford dignity, be quiet and need to be staffed by competent qualified staff. Every mother should leave secure in her health, the baby's health, and basic skills like changing and bathing. Mothers don't generally live amid noise, filth and rudeness - why should they suffer it at the most vulnerable time of their lives?

Every mother abtenatally and postnatallly should be shown how to maje a bottle of formula and how to sterilize. It is a choice in a 1st world country and no mother should feel forced to continue with shredded nipples because she is scared she will poison her baby because midwives and hv's say "we only support breastfeeding"

Greatly improved standards of nursing care. If a woman or man had a serious op or had numerous internal stitches a nurse would never say "if you want a bath it's the fault of the last woman if it's covered in blood there are paper towels and vim provided. There were more midwives than new mothers. Chelsea & Westminster, 1995.

I think this discussion needs to take into account what happens before day 1 of 1000 even occurs. Ie during pregnancy and labour and how so much of the language used by medical professionals suggests that things must be done to us, or that we are being allowed to give birth in certain ways. So much of what is said is only a guideline based on a recommendation. Not something that has to be done. It's too easy to feel vulnerable and like you have to agree to what is being said which can be really disempowering and affect how in control people feel during labour. This can have huge implications regarding whether or not birth is viewed as a positive experience or not, and can impact on early relationship building between parents and babies and the support people then may need. It would be nice if information such as that on the aims website/the BRAINS acronym was made more readily available to people as a matter of course so people can see what a guideline is, what a recommendation is, and how you can manage decision making situations.
I personally had a horrible pregnancy with nine months of sickness and problems with depression/changing identity. But I had an incredibly positive homebirth experience and that is only became I was able to feel empowered and in control thanks to people making me aware that I am a human being who has a choice.

I had 2 children and saw the difference in funding cuts even in the 2 years.

First child, 2013 - i had wonderful support from our sure start centre, including a 6 week baby massage class. Our local library ran baby babble classes we could attend. Regular meetings at breastfeeding club to weigh baby (also sure start centre).

2015 - Sure Start centre had closed. One free baby massage class offered only with medical referral. No breastfeeding support group (stopped feeding at 6 weeks). No government support when I was at the end of my rag with 2 young children and struggling to bond with my youngest. Weigh in clinics moved to medical centre, difficult to wait with toddler running around. Ended up seeing HV infrequently.

Post natal anxiety with the second with lots of extra strain on other resources. E.g. prescriptions, out of hours doctor appointments, an ambulance called. More GP appointments with my children as I was more worried.

Continuing problems with mental health and strain on family. Father needed to take time off his work, less production in the economy.

The strain put on other resources by robbing the Sure Start centres is incredible - no children's toothpaste and toothbrushes handed out, no cheap vitamin drops to buy. No classes for bonding, reduced library sessions. Delaying mothers return to work. Putting greater strain on the NHS etc.

I have seen all of it in the past 5 years. I would love to sit and tell someone.

If I had the time I would go on to say how horrendous the resources are for female genealogical health also - how the lack of resources and support caused me significant physical complications that still bother me.

Women with young children and physical birth traumas are in no priority on the NHS in spite of their significance on each family. But don't worry my retired father who golfs had his hip surgery covered privately by the NHS due to delayed waiting times. Yet my prolapse surgery could wait 2 years in spite of 2 young children to nurture and carry.

The whole system is broken and it broke me.

Female gynaecology not genealogy that should say

Wonderful care by midwives and health visitors leading up to and just after birth.
Sadly, my postnatal care has been lacking. Have had to fight for a physio referral despite a third degree tear. Still waiting to get an appointment for this and am 16wks postpartum, now struggling to lift my rapidly growing baby and having some incontinence issues. Add to this that my referral for a scan to check how the tear is healing due to above has just come through for end of April - 8mths postpartum.
Please, more investment in postnatal care.

Also a huge lack of baby classes in the local area with those that are left massively oversubscribed and often with a huge age range which means no child gets much out of it.

Agree with the posts about Emma's Diary - this was given to me by my GP recently and endorsed as a good source of information. It's not, and it's commercially driven and preys on the vulnerable. Whatever the financial benefits to the NHS (if any) this isn't at all problem-free.

Bounty photo ladies should also be stopped, if they haven't been already under GDPR. Too many stories of unannounced Bounty strangers on the post natal wards, sometimes confused for nurses, taking photos of the baby and doing the hard sell/guilt trip while the mother is half dressed/out of it. I am dreading this part of my hospital stay.

Both Emma's Diary and Bounty issues have been well publicised. They also seem to be unscrupulous with data and appear to pass details and addresses to all and sundry. There should be a review given regular expectant/new mothers' vulnerability.

I was caseload midwifery led so had the same midwife throughout. It's an amazing service. Excellent postnatal care which is where the benefits really come in. Really reassuring to see the same midwives you've known for months when your at your most vulnerable.

HV service was crap for both mine. Different HV's at every contact, clinics are 2 hour waiting times. Developmental checks not done. I'm a HV so understand the pressures - the service has been cut beyond all usefulness. Parents want to see the same person so they can build a relationship and not have to relay all the history every time or share sensitive information but it's become nothing more than a giant screening service.

Gp was great. I had PND and they were very supportive. Didn't bother going to the HV as I didn't really know who they were.

Childcare in the early years can be inflexible, expensive and poor quality. Lots of minimum wage teens with little education. Makes shift work or unusual hours almost impossible to find childcare for. Shame is it's such a critical time for development the first 3 years.

I have two DDs: one aged 4½, the other is a couple of months off being 3.

With the eldest, born 2014:
*I saw a different midwife at every appointment, and only once at my local practice as the midwife clinic only ran once every 2-3 weeks, and hardly ever married up with the dates I needed seeing.
*Midwives during (induced) birth were very kind - because I had a student midwife she was there at all times, which was comforting. She and her supervisory qualified midwife also stood up for me when the consultant claimed I wasn't having contractions (the monitor wasn't working well, but I was obviously in labour). I also felt well cared for when the decision was made to go for an emergency caesarean, which went smoothly.
*Postnatal care was much worse. I was told off by a midwife for twice requesting help changing nappies, when I had had major surgery, no rest, and was still catheterised and bedbound. I was offered no food at all - I was expected to walk to the kitchen to get meals, within hours of major surgery and carrying a newborn as well (or pushing her in a cot, where she screamed blue murder until she was picked up from it). How I was supposed to carry a baby and a tray at the same time is anyone's guess. I suppose they were hoping I wouldn't bother and so keep food costs down - in that they were successful, and I are nothing aside from what my husband brought for me. I had some help with breastfeeding, which was useful. Leaving postnatal was extremely difficult, and I ended up being discharged at 7pm, having first asked to leave early in the morning. My overriding memories of that ward are the telling off and the incredible heat (I felt ill: it was July, a heatwave, no air-conditioning, no fans at my end of the ward, closed windows, and broken thermostat so the heating was on).
*Home visits from midwives were fine, as were follow-up weigh-ins at clinics as DD1 lost 10% of her birth weight.
*Health visitor was unhelpful, patronising, and told us nothing new. Nothing actively detrimental, but there was no point in seeing her.

With the youngest, born 2016:
*I was at a new practice, which had weekly midwife clinics, so I saw the same community midwife each time. She was kind until I tried to mention that my mental health was poor, at which point she didn't engage/probe for detail, and I got steadily worse (antenatal depression, suicidal ideation and planning, including running and hiding in my garden in the middle of the night, in February, only wearing pyjamas).
*When booking an elective section, the hospital readily agreed, but dismissed my concern over my due date falling in a bank holiday weekend. A consultant doctor booked me in for surgery on that weekend. I turned up, letter in hand, 40 weeks pregnant and 12-hour fasted, to be met with puzzlement from midwives who said that planned surgery was never performed on weekends and bank holidays. A (different) consultant doctor was very dismissive, treated me like I was stupid for being there as instructed, and sent me away with a hastily-agreed-to alternative date for surgery. Mental health took a sharp downward turn at this point. At no point did I receive an apology from either consultant.
*Four days later I had the surgery, was abandoned in a waiting room all day. When I got to surgery I was told that I could have eaten lunch as they'd known I'd have a long wait, but no one told me, so I had fasted for 20 hours.
*Recovery was full to bursting, my baby screamed non stop. My husband and I were reprimanded by a midwife because "babies don't cry for no reason". She was unable either to determine the reason or quiet our baby.
*Postnatal was again unpleasantly hot, but at least this time the outdoor temperature was not a contributing factor. I was given breakfast once, otherwise left to fend for myself, again meaning I didn't eat except what my husband could bring me. My baby continued to cry inconsolably except when feeding, only once did a midwife come to see me/her to find out if we were alright. The nights seemed very, very long and lonely, and the days not much better. I cried almost as much as my baby, but more quietly. The husband of the woman in the next bed made disparaging comments about me/my baby to a midwife, who did not pull him up on it. No assistance was offered with breastfeeding, but fortunately we didn't have an issue. My overriding memories of postnatal ward this time are of a completely uncaring and unsupportive atmosphere, which actively aided the deterioration of my mental health.
*Midwife home visits were from an unfamiliar midwife - I was surprised it wasn't the community midwife who had seen me during pregnancy.
*My health visitor was wonderful. She was kind, considerate, and caring. She made multiple visits just to talk to me, and although she wasn't a trained counsellor talking to her was invaluable.
*My GP was kind at my 6-week check, and when I told him I had PND, was suicidal, and was feeling a danger to my baby he referred me to mental health support immediately. I went to a counselling appointment, which was very helpful, however that was all the available support - they identified that I had "moderate" PND and was in need of support, but they couldn't offer me counselling, only antidepressants, which I didn't want to take due to breastfeeding.
*5-6 months after birth (during which I repeatedly tied nooses around my own neck, smothered my baby more times than I can remember, and ran away from my home and family for a brief period without any shoes or method of contact) I went to a charity counselling service, after urging from a friend. The counsellor wasn't helpful, but the time away from my still-crying and vomiting baby was.
*At one year after the birth, I was starting to feel less suicidal, and was able to identify that I loved my baby.
*My baby is now 995 days old. She has had the standard health visitor clinic checks, and immunisations - no queries about my health have been made. I have not had any contact from my GP, the NHS counselling service, the charity counselling service, or anyone else with regard to my postnatal depression, suicidal feelings, or the safety of my child. I do not feel that I am fully recovered from postnatal depression, now three years after it started.

In short: My physical care was excellent. My mental care was absent. I am extremely fortunate to have supportive friends and family, without whom I am certain that my depression would have progressed even further than it did. With my first baby I learned to change a nappy. With my second I learned to tie a noose. I am still horrified at how little anyone cared about my safety or that of my baby. I have since advised any local pregnant friends to avoid the hospital in which I gave birth, due to the deeply distressing experience of the postnatal ward.

Mam of three, years born 08, 14 & 17, I have to say the care & support I received through all my pregnancies was excellent only thing I can think to suggest is first time mothers should be offered a class or an extra visit to the midwifes close to her due date to go over labour & care for the baby, also agree to changing the Emma’s diary had it provided to me on 3 pregnancies But I also remember on my first pregnancy I was supplied with a big book newborn to 5 years old I think it was called found it had much more information & much more support, 08 labour I found the midwife very pushy to try to get me to have gas and air to witch I eventually just give in to her & used it she then began pushing other forms of pain relief onto me i had my birth plan there for her to see was having a good labour & she just kept pushing it all onto me to the point my mother had to Politely tell her no for me as she wasn’t accepting what I was saying after delivery I found I was just kinda left on a ward as a first time Mother & sorry for the details but I bleed through all over myself and the bed sheets I kept calling them took them 20 minutes before someone came to talk to me I explained the situation and she stated I’d have to wait till the cleaning ladie came and she walked off I was just sat there shocked my her response no offer to watch baby for me to go to the toilet to wash & change myself even I was left to like this for well over three hours as a shy first time mother I closed the curtain cleaned myself up as best I could & stripped the bed so I had no bed sheets, visitors came I was so upset they watched baby for me to have a wash & sort myself out came back & seen my bed was still not made & my dirty bed sheets were still on floor I asked at desk my bed would have clean bedding to which I was told when the lady comes round I asked if we could go home soon and was told they wanted us to stay as I was bf I told them all I wanted to do was go home I never explained it was because of the rude way I was being spoken to by them all there for asking one simple question for a very good reason my mother then went to speak to the desk as she seen how upset I was to witch they came and informed me we could go home if I wished i was out of there a hour later & got to go home & actually feel comfy & have some support which I felt I had none while on this ward, midwives & health visitor & immunisation appointments brilliant local schemes & baby groups brilliant, 14 baby fab care & support in pregnancy, labour, delivery & home care, but my first experience of labour & on the maternity ward had left a impact on me I debated a home birth to avoid being that type of situation again but decided I felt better in hospital when it came to the health side of things after delivery all I wanted to do was for us to go home though despite the brilliant care 6 hours after having baby we came home, 17 baby brilliant care & support again with pregnancy, labour & maternity ward & home care but the health visitor in this area is all over the place since baby was born first they had nobody in the area so other health visitors from other areas filled in then after about four months a new lady took the position, well she doesn’t turn up for appointments, doesn’t phone, doesn’t send a message doesn’t answer the phone she just sends letters in the post to let you know she’s due to call you wait in for hours as later states to give a hour either way of appointment time & she just doesn’t turn up can’t get hold of her few weeks pass & she send you a new letter with a new appointment and the process just gets repeated not just me it’s happening to all the mothers I know with young children in this area say the same is happening with them, over all though I have to say I have been very lucky with my pregnancies, labours & children’s health & developments but from others experiences i know we have a long way to go to make sure we have availabile all the care, support, information, groups, classes etc In every area

Throughout all four of my pregnancies I've seen the same team of community midwives. Usually the same lady with others who I'm familiar with filling in if she's off or on holiday. They are fabulous women and really helped make my pregnancies really positive experiences. I've no doubt they are over worked; they've mentioned that their practice averages 80 births a month, but they never made me feel rushed, always remember who I am even after a long gap between pregnancies and have always made me aware of the choices available to me ie I'm allowed to refuse induction/request a home birth etc. Truly they deserve an award.

My health visitor was also pretty fab although most of my friends have had negative experiences with health visitors. The general consensus seems to be out of date knowledge and judgemental I would say neither of these things about mine. She seems very committed to making sure mothers are getting the right support and definitely didn't push an agenda. I remember her saying with my first when I was trying (& failing) to breast feed that she could get me some help IF I wanted it, but if I wanted to just grab some formula that was fine too. It seems ridiculous now but when I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to do everything right, having someone say that it was ok meant the world.

I've had c-sections and natural labours at my local hospital. I've found the care during labour to be mostly ok with the exception of one midwife who by not listening to me caused a particularly unpleasant situation. I then made a complaint and felt pretty fobbed off by the hospital. The post natal care though has always been great.

One thing I'm not in favour of is partners being allowed to stay on maternity wards. I think the wards are too small to house 4 women, 4 babies and 4 partners. I also think it's a sticking plaster to try and cover up staff shortages on wards ie people asking their partners for help instead of a staff member and I don't particularly like mooching around way catheter in and leaky boobs in front of random men. A hospital fairly close to me doesn't have wards; every woman has a private room. I considered using there for my last one (a planned section) but declined in the end because I didn't want to change my midwives.

I've noticed a definite in gp services in the time I've been having children. This is probably because our local area has grown hugely and the practice is trying to deal with this alongside crippling funding cuts. I used to grumble that they were over cautious, but if you rang up with a sick baby or toddler they'd see you immediately. Now they'll only see a baby or toddler if you tell them it's urgent otherwise there's a 3 week wait the same as everyone else. Most recently I managed to get a same day appointment for my ill toddler but was 7 minutes late (due to toddler throwing up on the way out the door) and ended up losing the appointment.

I really hope that this consultation isn't going to be used as another stick to beat the nhs with, when my experience is that it's by and large hard working people who go above and beyond to help new mothers working in a system that is chronically underfunded. In four pregnancies I have came across one person who failed to do their job properly. The majority have been wonderful.