Reaching the end of my tether with ds and am reluctantly asking for advice

[Rhubarb]

He's 3.5. Potty training started when he was 2.8 but he didn't get the hang of it, so after 2 weeks of cold turkey with no signs of improvement we gave up. Then about 3 months ago we tried again. After a couple of weeks the accidents got less and he finally started peeing on the potty!

Now he is wee trained but the problem is the poo.

He doesn't tell us when he needs a poo, neither does he tell us when he's done one in his pants. His poos are very soft so by the time we realise what he's done, it's soaked through his clothes and anything he has sat on.

At nursery they don't have good drains so when he has an accident, they just put his undies in a nappy bag and by the time I get to them, they are beyond saving and need to be thrown away. Last week I threw away 6 pairs of undies within 4 days.

We've tried the nice "never mind!" approach, but this hasn't worked. He obviously knows he has done one in his pants but he never even pauses in his play.

Any advice? I'm fed up of rinsing poo!

Honestly! You start a genuine thread asking for advice and what do you get? I should have just called it something bum related in the chat threads - I might have got more 'hits' then!

it took my son ages to get trained up properly. i think in the end i made him go before and after school. though i did get a bit het up about it and maybe gave him a slight complex for a while.

If his poos are of the soft variety, does he get much warning, do you think?

When he goes, does he huff, puff and go red in the face?

PS We need a new topic: bums.

No, he often calls his poos wees so I don't think he differentiates. But surely he must get a bit of warning?

The HV is visiting on Wed and I will mention the soft poo to her, but it's a recurring problem. Sometimes they are solid, but more often they are really really soft.

Another sympathiser here. DS1 is 4.6 and still won't voluntarily go - needs to be ordered/bribed. Many, many pairs of pooey pants. I have no idea what to do for the best...

Hang on in there. My DS is 4.5 and has JUST started pooing on the loo (a week ago). Before that he just asked for a nappy each time he wanted to poo and used that which does mean less rinsing of poo but he may not allow you to put nappies back on. What about pull-ups with normal toilet for wee and the pull-ups in place ready for the poo?

He isn't regular though, he could do one poo a day or 5. Today he did one just 10mins after he'd been to the toilet.

Thanks for the sympathies though, makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone on this.

I think it's very common for toilet trainees to have poo problems. Can you put him in pull ups for nursery? He must be costing you a fortune in pants!

Have you kept a diary of exactly what he eats/drinks and when, and a diary of when he poos? If you compare the two you might notice a correlation, perhaps he has a slight intolerance to something.

Just a thought.

I don't know dinosaur, I'm a bit reluctant to go down that road really.

His diet doesn't vary much, we keep citrus things limited. Sometimes his poos are normal and then he'll go through months of them being very soft.

I did try varying diets but nothing really made any difference. He doesn't have tummy ache or bad wind. The GP in France put it down to "toddler diarrhoea" and said he'd be ok when he was 5. Great, only another 18 months to go!

Ooh, crossed posts dinosaur!

I know a four year old girl with a minor food allergy/intolerance, and if she has more than a tiny bit of the things she shouldn't, her pooing schedule goes out the window, so to speak.

How do you know what the intolerance is though? Keeping a diary sounds like hard work and I'm just too bloody lazy to cater for minor allergies.

His poo doesn't smell and is normal in colour, it's just very very soft. Surely an intolerance would mean a yeasty smell to the poo?

Might not be suitable but what about a sealed food container that the poohy pants could be put into with some water so they may be recoverable, obviously a dedicated container

My other suggestion would be a slimline/ultra thin sanitary towel to catch most of it? if he won't or you don't want to put him into nappies again?

Ooooh, sanitary towel, what a good idea!

Bloody good ammo to use when he's 16 too - "do you remember dear how we used to put sanitary towels into your pants to soak up your poo?"

I think I would go back to pull ups if there was no improvement and nothing else was working. He could still pull them down for a wee if he is ok about that part of going to the loo.

Can't really give you any advice other than to say I think the poo thing is quite common, lots of children seem to go through it and it passes (excuse the pun)(eventually). He could be constipated tho', it doesn't have to be hard for it to be constipated, the fact he goes (sometimes) several times a day could be an indicator.

Hmm, will have to see what HV says on Wed. Meantime I'm feeding him up with lots of carbos and protein to harden them up a bit.

He does go every day so not sure that constipation is the problem. There are no other symptoms apart from the soggy poos.

Finding an intolerance is the fun fun job of the doctors - that or spending months eliminating in turn foods from his diet only to find out he's intolerant of Fruit Shoots, which you can never admit to on mn because of the I Told You So factor (hmmm.. ITYS - new acronym)

Anyhoo, I don't think an allergy/intolerance necessarily means a yeasty smell.

lol about embarrassing him in his teens - would a nappy liner do the same job, but catch more of it?

Nappy liner good too. I think a trip to Boots is in order.

How would you keep a nappy liner in place though?

Micropore? Safety pins?

Do you think that your DS could be mistaking farting for poo? I know my DS does sometimes and especially when he has runny poo as he calls it. I had to explain to DS that Farting means poo is on the way and so its time for the loo which helped alot, it still happens v occasionally though. DS does poo twice a day after lunch & Supper I find Richard Scarry books help enormously as they keep him on the loo! Otherwise not sanitary towels but nappy liners my be the answer. Does he poo at the same time every day? You may be able to catch him then.

Could be I suppose, although he should be able to tell by the wet ooze that comes out of his bum that it's a poo, but he never so much as blinks! We only know when the smell hits us. And when we ask he does actually know he's done a poo, but he doesn't tell us. At least if he told us that would be a step closer.

And no, he's not regular, it could be any time any place.