Criticizing vs Guiding

[Vasilisa19]

Sometimes it feels like there is a fine line...

E.g Messy bedrooms, showering, cleaning teeth properly, homework, chores, being on time etc

I find it difficult to balance not constantly nitpicking but at the same time I feel things just need to be said quite firmly. My ILs think I am too critical because I pick my daughter up on things that I think are important like manners and tidiness. How do you deal with negatives without being the wicked witch of the west?

(Obviously I am loving and give plenty of praise too!!)

It's the balance. Try counting. Try to say 3 positive things for every negative one. Comment positively on the smallest things.

10 nice things for every bad thing - it sounds extreme but it means that your children are mainly hearing good things and keeps things positive with them. It also forces you to actively look for positive things and keeps you positive and thinking positively about them.
It doesn't how minor the positive things are.
You can have as many negative things as you want, but you need to find 10 positives for each negative.