At what age would you leave a breast-fed baby for two nights?

[Solopower1]

My son and his girlfriend are thinking of going for a weekend abroad when their breast-fed baby is 5 months old. I'm uneasy about this, because I think she will suffer from the separation, and also, her mother's milk might dry up.

I don't want to give the impression that I don't trust my son and his girlfriend to know what's best for their daughter. They are lovely parents, with their child's welfare as their first concern. The baby would be well looked after by her other grandparents, and fed with expressed milk. So far she has been happy to be looked after by other people, although she is getting more clingy to her mother.

I just wondered if my fears are totally unfounded, or if there really are valid reasons for not leaving a five-month-old for longer than a few hours. Any thoughts on this?

My thought is it's none of your business.

It’s nothing to do with you, I’d keep out of it.

Well 2 night's is hardly the end of the world. I'm also sure her breasts will become very uncomfortable from not feeding so she'll likely need to express milk while she's away anyway.

They will probably realise that's a bad idea once they can see what bf is really like. Do not stick your oar in!

Any thoughts on this?

It might not be what you would do but if it works for them so what?

They will probably realise that's a bad idea once they can see what bf is really like

Surely they already know as the baby IS breastfed?

She just needs to express when she would usually feed and her supply will be fine, so no worries about drying up.

In America maternity leave is around six weeks and lots of women travel for work, so being away and pumping to maintain supply is very normal. I’m sure this is the case in many other countries.

The baby will be fine - the mum though, that's going to get uncomfortable (I just went out for the day at about that age and was desperate to latch him on when I got home as it was verging on pain!) , so she'll have to express at some point I'd have thought. By 5 months I really don't think 2 days away will lead to her milk drying up.

I'm sure they can figure this out on their own though - so I'm not sure why you're on here asking for reasons why it's a bad idea.

I'll be honest... once they've weaned. I always think that people who will leave a child in thr early years are too immature to be good parents.

I wouldn't leave a breast fed baby overnight at all.

That's complete drivel Highlandmary.

She'll have red hot painful melons on her if my experience at that stage was anything to go by. I might have a chat with her about that. And mastitis. Ouch.

I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't think it was my business either.

There's no way I would have left my ebf son for 1 night, let alone 2, when he was 5 months old. If I really needed a night away, I wouldn't have gone far - no more than a few hours' drive away, and certainly not abroad.

However, it's none of your business. Absolutely none at all. Keep a diplomatic silence. The weekend might go better than you expect, in which case great, but if it doesn't go well I'm sure they will learn from it.

I've got the message that it's none of my concern - thanks. These are just my thoughts. I'm just asking if you think they could be justified.

If someone was to come up with a real concern, I might mention it to my son and his girlfriend, so that they have the information they need to make their decision. Otherwise, I certainly wouldn't.

Her supply won't dry up but as pp have said she will be uncomfortable. Do they know the baby will take a bottle? My ds1 absolutely refused to do so at that age so I couldn't go too far away from him for long.

NameChange30, yes, that's what I think, if I'm honest. But why would you not have left your baby at 5 months?

And, as you say, they will make their own decision.

Zebras, yes, she will take a bottle. She's a very happy little baby, tbh - very easy to look after.

At 5 months, it was hit and miss as to whether or not DS would take a bottle. That would have been my main concern. He was also still breastfeeding to sleep at that point, not naps but at bedtime and night wakings. He was a bad sleeper (day and night) so I would have stressed about that. And it wouldn't have been fair on him or the grandparents for them to look after him for a whole weekend, by that point they hadn't seen us or him much so didn't have a strong bond and they didn't know him well enough for me to trust that they could respond to his needs as I would have wanted.

However, none of the above might apply to this situation. Every child is different. And even though I would have been upset to be apart from DS for so long, and didn't feel the need for a long break (a shorter one, yes!) I wouldn't judge parents who feel differently.

Coincidentally, DS was 5 months old when we left him for the first time. DH and I went out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary and my parents babysat. He was fine for most of the time but got very upset when they tried to put him to bed. It was fine as we didn't stay out too late and he hadn't been upset for too long when we got back.

That's just our experience though, and I assume your son and DIL will build up gradually to leaving their baby for longer periods of time. Perhaps they've already left the baby for shorter periods and it's all gone brilliantly. If they haven't done that yet, maybe you could tactfully suggest it.

Cross post. Takes a bottle, happy, easy to look after. Different from my DS at 5 months, then

She can pump while away so not a big deal. I left my EBF baby at 6 months for 4 nights and he was totally fine. They don’t have separation anxiety and this age like when they go past the 9/10 month stage.

I'm just about to leave my 15 month old breast fed baby overnight (1 night) for the first time. Didn't leave my first overnight until she was 18 months. They have both been bottle refusers and not great sleepers though. If baby happily takes a bottle and mum is able to express for comfort it should be fine.

The thing that comes to mind is... mastitis 😭😭😭😭

Once they are not feeding every day. My child was 3 years.

NameChange30, OK, I see why you didn't want to leave him. With my own babies, I think it was more a fear of the baby needing me and me not being there.

DS and GF haven't left the baby yet, but they are going out without her for the first time tonight (she's seven weeks old), and leaving her with me. I feel fine about it, as they're not going far, and I can (and will) phone them if she's not happy. They all live with me so I often look after her for three or four hours at a weekend so that they can catch up on their sleep. I feed her with expressed milk from a bottle.

Mrs GB2225, that's reassuring that separation anxiety doesn't kick in till later. DS's GF is very well informed, so she probably knows that, but I didn't.

Personally I wouldn't as I'd be worried about baby waking without access to boob, especially if that's what baby is used to. Bottle wouldnt offer the same comfort but I'd trust their judgment as baby's parents. Baby may even sleep through by then (one of mine did).