At what age would you leave a breast-fed baby for two nights?

[Solopower1]

My son and his girlfriend are thinking of going for a weekend abroad when their breast-fed baby is 5 months old. I'm uneasy about this, because I think she will suffer from the separation, and also, her mother's milk might dry up.

I don't want to give the impression that I don't trust my son and his girlfriend to know what's best for their daughter. They are lovely parents, with their child's welfare as their first concern. The baby would be well looked after by her other grandparents, and fed with expressed milk. So far she has been happy to be looked after by other people, although she is getting more clingy to her mother.

I just wondered if my fears are totally unfounded, or if there really are valid reasons for not leaving a five-month-old for longer than a few hours. Any thoughts on this?

"NameChange30, OK, I see why you didn't want to leave him. With my own babies, I think it was more a fear of the baby needing me and me not being there."

Yes, that too! I guess DS wasn't the easiest of babies, but even if he had been easier, I might still not have wanted to leave him, and I think that's fine.

If they live with you I can see that you are involved and it must be so tempting to have an opinion, but it really is their call. Will they try out leaving the baby with her parents too and not just with you?

‘... once they've weaned. I always think that people who will leave a child in thr early years are too immature to be good parents.’

Narrow-minded, judgemental people probably don’t make good parents either 🙄

I was hospitalised after an accident when bf baby was 6 weeks old. I wasn't well enough to be reunited with him for three days. Amazingly he (and I) survived! These notions of never separating are ideals. Shit happens and we all adapt, even babies. It is nonsense to say she shouldnt go away after 5 months. What if she got hit by a car tomorrow? Or fell down the stairs? The breastfeeding aspect would be the last thing on your mind yet in my case because of my brain washing that baby must be brestfed only I fretted about that while in the ambulance!

It's madness! He was fed whatever whoever had him had handy (formula in all forms) and on reuniting we resumed breastfeeding for another 14 months albeit with occasional bottles of formula as i knew he would survive and recognised I needed an occasional break.

Of course shit happens... but a jolly just for the sake of it is a different matter.

highlandmary parenthood isn’t a competition of martyrdom. Every parent has different comfort levels and every baby has different personalities. Focus on you rather than judging others.

Ah, the irony of implying that someone is a competitive martyr and telling that same person not to judge others

Parents who don't want to leave their children are not martyrs. Just as parents who do want to leave their children are not selfish.

namechange this was highlandmarys original post;
“I'll be honest... once they've weaned. I always think that people who will leave a child in thr early years are too immature to be good parents.”

I did it at 18 months as mine refused all bottles after a while. If they are not giving them often this could happen. I went to a conference and it was amazing to have freedom. But even though I was only doing a tiny night feed, my boobs were painful leaking melons. I had to find pads and painkillers..a bit extreme my example I guess

Ok fair enough

My son is 15 months and I’m occasionally away from him for one night and my breasts still get uncomfortable. I have been known to wake up at 3am in so much discomfort that I’ve had to get out of bed and express.

If I’m away from him at night I have to express before I go to bed (usually about 6oz) and then I have to express again as soon as I wake up (between 6-10oz).

I have no idea how it will be possible to be away from a 5 month old EBF baby for that length of time without it being incredibly painful and extremely impractical.

Is she prepared to have her breast pump in her handbag and then have to find places to express during the day whilst she’s out and about? I imagine it would be a total PITA

NameChange30, 'If they live with you I can see that you are involved and it must be so tempting to have an opinion, but it really is their call. Will they try out leaving the baby with her parents too and not just with you?'

Yes, GF sees her family once or twice a week (they live 10 mins away) and GF's mother will be looking after the baby when GF goes back to work, too. GF and DS really are fantastic parents, totally concerned with what is best for baby, and I know they know best. They do ask me for advice sometimes too, at least my son does. I was just trying to find out what other people do, and about this separation anxiety.

Btw, now that I have had the baby for a whole evening, I feel a bit better about it, as she really was fine. At one point, she seemed to be looking round to see who else was there, so I gave her a tour to show her that the rest of the house was empty, and we spent the evening smiling and chatting to each other. She was fine. But she sleeps in her parents' bed for much of the night, I think, snuggled up with her mum, so that is when it might be more difficult to soothe her. By five months, though she might be in her own cot.

Ichbinstoltz, point taken. I hope you are fully recovered from your accident.

Of course the baby will be fed and loved while they are away. You have put my worries into perspective. In any case, they wouldn't go if they thought she would suffer.

Thanks to all.

What would worry me is that I knew a few babies that suddenly started bottle refusing at the 5 month point. Its not the time I would pick.

"she sleeps in her parents' bed for much of the night, I think, snuggled up with her mum"

That's another reason I wouldn't have left DS overnight at 5 months. He started the night in his bedside crib and eventually ended up in bed with us. We carried on doing that for a long time even after he'd moved into the cot in his room.

Up to them of course but for me I didn't leave bf baby overnight until 18 months and not for two nights until 2.5 years old (work trip but also used as end of bf). At 5 months, bf will be main source of food and comfort. Much easier on everyone once weaned and can be distracted with finger foods.....maybe 9-10 months?

My two and a half year old had to be left overnight for two nights when I was admitted to hospital for IV antibiotics. He was distraught and was straight to the breast as soon as I was through the door. He became really clingy and had dreadful separation anxiety for a couple of months afterwards yet had never had that up until then. I can't imagine doing that to a 5 month old. Incredibly selfish and her breasts would be agony due to engorgment. Babies at that age still cluster feed especially as first teeth often start cutting around that age.

PerverseConverse, how is it selfish, if they are sure she will be OK?? They wouldn't go if they thought she would suffer. As other posters have said, they do know their baby best.

And that's the thing about separation anxiety - apparently it kicks in later. She wasn't anxious last night, she was very calm all the time her parents were out (7 - 12 midnight).

GF will express her milk while she is away - don't know why I thought it would dry up ...

Just reading back, there are a wide range of experiences here. I think I have come to the conclusion that it really is up to the parents to judge this. No-one knows for sure about another baby as each one is different.

Afraid I agree, 4 month sleep regression etc. Not a good time. Mine started bottle refusing around the 12 week mark. If your son is still relaxed about it nearer the time, then may be you just have an easier baby.

Personally, I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving any of my babies for a weekend away at 5 months, even the bottle fed baby. And my youngest was a bottle refuser, so even an evening out locally without him was chancy until weaning was well underway.

However, if their baby will take a bottle and mum expresses milk while they’re away, it should be fine.

Just because the baby takes a bottle at 7 weeks, doesn’t mean she will at 5 months. My DD1 had one bottle of expressed milk every day until 12 weeks and then she refused. Never took one again, despite me trying literally everything.

One of my dcs had separation anxiety from 5 months. The other 2 got it later. The biggest issue is that the mum's boobs are going to be extremely uncomfortable.

The mum can express, surely?

Yes, Dora, that probably won't be a problem for her.

Expressing does not produce the same quantity of milk as the baby will naturally extract from the breast. Breastfeeding is not just about the milk either- it's nutrition, fluid, warmth, comfort, reassurance, love, affection. My breastfed babies would happily guzzle my hard won expressed milk in a couple of minutes and not be satisfied for long. They would then cluster feed for hours once I was back home and that was at around 8 months and I'd only been gone for the day at work! It's impossible to say how much milk a breastfed baby is taking in 24 hours and therefore impossible to know how much expressed milk they will need for whatever time period. That's without the issue of potential mastitis, engorgement. There's nothing quite so soy destroying as having to throw away expressed milk either unless she has somewhere to store it and bring it back with her? Not sure where they are going do don't know if there's facilities for that. At 7 weeks she has no idea how her baby will fare without her further down the line so yes I think she's very selfish as she's not really thought it through from the baby's perspective. One evening away is totally different to a whole weekend. I couldn't bear to be away from my babies even when they were nearly 1. It massively impacted on my mental health not being able to feed them on demand whilst at work.
I've just remembered a party I went to when my middle child was 7 months old. I fed her before I left at her bedtime and was gone 4 hours. By the time I got back I was fit to burst and had gone up about 4 cup sizes. It was really painful and it was such a relief to get her on the breast. A pump will not effectively drain the breast once enforced either. It will help but I'd bet she'd spend most of the weekend in pain and uncomfortable expressing milk every 4 hours.

I'd be concerned about my breast exploding. Obviously not literally. I returned to work when dwms1 was 9 months old and it was horrendous. I could never express very well even when full to bursting. Also, I'd worry about the babyvwaking in the night, expecting he mum to be cuddles next to her and to want feeding

I know people do leave their bf abies overnight but to me 5 months seems too young. I'd want her to be sleeping through without a feed and there's a high chance she won't be