At what age would you leave a breast-fed baby for two nights?

[Solopower1]

My son and his girlfriend are thinking of going for a weekend abroad when their breast-fed baby is 5 months old. I'm uneasy about this, because I think she will suffer from the separation, and also, her mother's milk might dry up.

I don't want to give the impression that I don't trust my son and his girlfriend to know what's best for their daughter. They are lovely parents, with their child's welfare as their first concern. The baby would be well looked after by her other grandparents, and fed with expressed milk. So far she has been happy to be looked after by other people, although she is getting more clingy to her mother.

I just wondered if my fears are totally unfounded, or if there really are valid reasons for not leaving a five-month-old for longer than a few hours. Any thoughts on this?

If I'd tried leaving DD with GPs at 5 months I reckon they would have ended up doing shifts of pushing her in the pram all night. They can be awful sleepers.

PerverseConverse, well I don't know what they're thinking at the moment, because we haven't discussed it.

The things that people here have made me think about are that the baby might not be so happy to be left when she's five months old (she might refuse a bottle, start teething, develop separation anxiety), and that her mother might suffer more than she thinks with engorgement. Tbh, I hadn't given that part of it much thought, because she finds it so easy to express, but what if the breast isn't fully emptied, etc?

So, those are the things that I would mention to her, if it comes up in conversation. They might have already considered them, of course.

I think they are unlikely to discuss it with me, though, now, because when she told me at first, (in spite of what I've said earlier on this thread) I was surprised and concerned, and although I didn't say anything, she will have picked up on that.

The parents are not selfish people, they both put the baby first in everything. But maybe they need this time away, time as a couple. It's not easy for them, us all living on top of each other.

I just wish they would go somewhere in the UK, and for one night, instead of two.

She'll have to express a bit while there to stop them ' bursting ' - 48 hrs of no feeding will make no difference .

I do never have left a five month old for two nights. I think to leave a breastfed baby is unkind as the breast is it’s source of food and comfort. Mine never had a bottlevat all though. It would have been unfair to leave them with anyone else as they didn’t have the ability to feed or comfort the infant.
I’m with you but that won’t be popular in the ‘Mother’s wishes are paramount in everything’ world of MN.

I think it's very much the business of whoever will be looking after the baby while they are gone. I think they need to do a trial run too. Imagine having a baby for a weekend that won't settle at all because no breasts, refuses to take a bottle so isn't getting any food and hasn't got the familiarity of their mum to comfort them.

PerverseConverse, GF is building up the contact the baby has with her own mother. GF's mother, btw, has lots of experience, and support, and would definitely be able to cope - although it might well be a weekend of walking up and down for her and her husband.

I was thinking that I should suggest that they go away for a night somewhere in the UK as a trial run - maybe that would be a good joint Xmas present ... Not sure - seems a bit like interfering.

I don't think it's a good idea. A baby that age will be strongly bonded to her mother. She has no concept of time - she cannot be reassured that her mother will return in 2 days. It will feel like forever to her. Breastfeeding provides comfort as well as nutritional, so if she is used to that method of comfort, she will miss it if withdrawn for a while.

Will she have severe long term physical and mental problems if left for 2 days? No.

Will she feel at least mild distress or insecurity at the time? Yes. Not worth it IMO. Someone did post a credible study here about a week ago, about the negative psychological effects of separating a mother and baby for a few days, but I can't find it unfortunately.

Having said all that, I don't think you can step in here without being accused of interfering. But just letting you know that I agree with you.

I left mine for a night from around that age. I wasn’t happy to leave them for a whole weekend until they were about 18 months but that was just my choice. Mine were all breastfed but they all took a bottle so that wasn’t an issue. None of mine still fed in the night at that age but if they did they could have taken a bottle. None of mine cluster fed at that age either. I think they should probably try one night as a trial first to see how that goes, could you suggest that to them?

I left my baby at 3 months for 2 nights, i just pumped enough breastmilk fot her and took the pump with me to keep my supply up.

Also left her for 1 night at 5 months and did the same

I still haven't left my DS at 2.5 years

I personally think that if the mother thinks it's ok and they are generally good parents, then let them get on with it.

I left mine at four months for two nights. I just pumped when I would have fed and left loads of expressed milk. It was absolutely fine and I really needed a break as baby only slept for max 40 mins at that point.

I think it's fine

I left my bf baby overnight at four months.he was fine but my boobs hurt and I missed him.
He was with his dad at home.
They are the child parents do it's really their choice

Also to add my boobs never hurt and I could express just fine. Everyone is different

We're expecting DD2 and I'm hoping to breastfeed and have a night booked away when she'll be around 4-6 weeks old!

I left DD for the first time (a night away at a similar age) and we were both fine. It was simple enough to leave a load of expressed milk behind and if I'm honest, it did all of us a lot of good to have both my husband and I refreshed after a good night's sleep.

Some mums are just comfortable leaving their children.

Thank you, LittleCabbage.

It's good to know, though, that others have done it with no ill effects. At least apparently. Because ... how would you know?

I'm quite an insecure, anxious person. Is that because my mother left me for a fortnight with my grandparents when I was 14 months old?? They always told me I didn't want to go to her when she came back ...

I'm not serious! Maybe you just have to go with your gut feelings. As TheSnobbyMCOne says, some mums are more comfortable leaving their babies than others, and I suppose it follows that some babies are more comfortable being left.

I didn't say anything, I promise! DS's GF has decided not to go abroad for two nights. She says she doesn't want to be away for so long, and to another country. Instead she'll go somewhere in the UK for one night and then two, probably when the baby is about six or seven months. She could still change her mind, of course, but if she does, she will be still be thinking about what is best for her baby.

Thanks to everyone for their help.

What a relief! FWIW I think it's absolutely the right call for her to stay in the UK instead of going abroad. It will be doable for her to go home to the baby if needed - might not be needed, but for everyone's peace of mind it's the right decision.

Thank you, NameChange30, I think so too!

Good decision. I'm betting she would have been too stressed to enjoy it