How do you feel about controlled crying?

[hellobeautiful123]

Me & my husband are wanting to try and get our 7 month old to sleep in her own room.

My husband is all for controlled crying but I don’t like the sound of it and leaving our DD to cry. She’s never really been left to cry before.

What are everyone’s opinions/experiences? Anything else we could try?

TIA :)

I personally think controlled crying is too nice a name for it “leaving your child to cry until they learn nobody is coming for them and shut up” would be more appropriate.

Why is your DH so keen on the idea? I’m with you op. I wouldn’t like it either!

She’s way too young. Babies of that age are supposed to wake regularly. It’s a fluke if they sleep through early. At that age left to cry she’ll be flooded with stress hormones, even if she eventually crashes out from exhaustion. You just need to get up and feed and comfort her.

I disagree with it. Almost everything is a stage that you get past and I think it can be without leaving babies to cry.
It’s difficult though when you don’t agree with your partner.

I did cc with my ds under very specific circumstances (he was 11.5 months, night weaned, could self settle for naps, wasn't absolutely hysterical at any point), he was never simply left you cry until he learnt no one was coming, pp is mistaking cc for cio. It was incredibly effective and beneficial in our case. Ds went from waking every 90 minutes then needing 30 minutes of rocking to sleeping through. It took one night. There are many ways to sleep train op, gradual retreat, shh pat.

I understand what cc is dubious answer still applies. Seven months is way too young.

Exactly what @LipstickTraces says
They stop crying as they learn no one will come to them. Is that not just teaching a child we can only be bothered with them when they are happy and smiley, not how I want my child to think and develop emotionally.

I don't like it at all for an infant under 1. Pick up/put down is probably a kinder technique.

I tried it with DD when i was too naive to realise what it actually entailed. It was bloody horrific & i have told DP even if the baby never sleeps we are NOT doing it with DS. I agree with PP, a baby stops crying because they are either too exhausted or they have realised nobody comes when they cry.

I had an abusive h and a newborn a one year old and two year old. I would have sunk without cc.

It was two shite nights. Job done.

Getting rid of my abusive stbxh is taking slightly longer.

I think it's cruel.

I can't bring myself to do it with my 8 month old.. It will is just stress both him and me out. I'll deal with the wake ups and feeds and hopefully he will wean himself off them when he is ready

Don’t like the concept at all... But we went from next2me crib to cosleeping 😬 I was never gonna do cc!

We did it when DD was about 7 months old. My husband was much better at sticking with it than I was but I'm glad we did. We went back in at 2 minute intervals, building up to no more than 10 mins. She struggled the first night but fell asleep eventually and since then has been absolutely fine. Overall I found that she had been crying (screaming) more when we were rocking to sleep and when we tried pick up put down.

It's not for everyone but for us it definitely wasn't cruel. I know that my husband and I couldn't have continued with what we were doing before we tried cc.

My daughter is one and a half now and gets put down awake, without any crying. Shes a very happy and loving little girl as well and I have no doubt that she knows that she's loved and that we will be there straight away if she needs us.

I’m not for or against it. I think if parents are struggling and sleep deprived then it is a valid choice from 6 months. I think there are much gentler ways to sleep train but they do take longer. Equally if parents feel uncomfortable then there should be no to sleep train.

I find the whole concept horrendous. I really try to avoid crying if I can so the idea of really encouraging it is just awful to me. There are kinder ways OP. And doing CC at the same time as moving rooms is a horrible idea.

I am against it

To be fair, in desperation I did try it with my eldest, I lasted 37 seconds
It's just not something I can fathom

Yes sleep is great and sleep deprivation can be soul destroying but It's just not something I can personally do

But if I had a pound for every time someone told me to do it and that I am making a rod for my own back and how controlled crying made their baby sleep like an angel blah blah I would be verrrrrrrrry well off

I would not be able to do it. Could not imagine listening to my child crying on their own. I strongly feel that if a child cries, they need comforting by the parent and not being left to cry in the dark room. None of my friends did it too, so no personal experience of how it might work/or not.

Also against it.

Why are you considering introducing it? Generally there is a reason why theyre crying and its better to tackle that....

Just a firm no from me.

I did it when my baby was 10 months. Worked in 2 nights. He learned how to settle himself back to sleep and we are all a lot happier. If he is ill, he will cry in the night and obviously we go to him so I don't think he has learned that we don't care or whatever.

I think people who are so strongly against it often misunderstand what it involves.

You get to a point where you know if your baby is really distressed or just pissed off at you. Most would definitely have a preference for being rocked to sleep but it's not like they think you've disappeared forever.

We did a variety of CC that involved sitting next to DD's cot til she went to sleep, then slowly moving chair further away each night. She was just over one year old. She always knew we were around, just not holding her. It was not enjoyable but it only took two or three nights to work. I think you need to balance the unpleasantness against your need for more sleep, what else is going on in your life etc. We did the same regular returning thing for night time wakings.

People can be very black and white about CC, as if you're literally just locking a baby in a room to sob. With reassurance that you're around but just not getting the baby to sleep in the usual way, it's not too bad. I see it as helping DD gain the skill of learning how to go to sleep without our help. It was hard for a while but so was letting her learn to walk, go on climbing frames, eat etc. We were there for her but there were skills for her to learn.

We are all much happier this way, I have friends who are still taking hours to get their kids to sleep at two years old. DD loves going to bed, people who say she'l just be in distress in the dark don't know what they're talking about.

No, I don’t like it, and I could never do it. I know there’s different ‘methods’ of doing it, but what if they’d a leaky nappy and we’re wet, or had been sick and no one went in?

It depends what method you are referring to and what you are trying to achieve. Are you wanting to put baby to bed awake on an evening and they settle their self to sleep or are you wanting the child to self sooth during the night and not wake?

With my daughter I could feed her and place her in bed and she would cry the second I put her down, the second I turned towards her she would stop crying. All her other needs were met but she just didn't want to go to bed to sleep. So I fed her, said good night and placed her in bed - she cried. I waited a minute then went back in, lay her down and said good night and walked out. Waited 2 minutes, went back in and repeated step 1. After that I added 30 seconds to each gap, she fell asleep after a total of about 20 minutes. Repeated the same on night 2 and she was asleep before 10 minutes, night 3 she was asleep without me going back in. Waking during the night was different, if she woke and was twisty/stirring then id leave her a minute or so to see if she would settle herself if not i tended to her. She got into the habit of waking at 3 for a bottle having an oz or 2 then going back to sleep, was more habit then need so I started offering water instead of milk and it soon stopped. Now at 3 year old she has a short story, a kiss goodnight and goes to sleep herself for 12 hours.

If you do decide to do it then make sure your in it for the long run, don't do it tomorrow for 20 minutes give up and then try again for 10 minutes tomorrow and then 20 minutes the night after. Pick a stratagy and stick to it.

Oh and we tried things like pick up put down but it made our baby much much more cross

I personally think controlled crying is too nice a name for it “leaving your child to cry until they learn nobody is coming for them and shut up” would be more appropriate
This. When I was desperate for sleep I tried it for five minutes. That’s how long I lasted listening to my precious baby cry. If you’ve ever seen any films of Romanian orphanages - they’re silent. The kids don’t cry because there’s no point, they know nobody will come. I won’t inflict that on my child.