How do you feel about controlled crying?

[hellobeautiful123]

Me & my husband are wanting to try and get our 7 month old to sleep in her own room.

My husband is all for controlled crying but I don’t like the sound of it and leaving our DD to cry. She’s never really been left to cry before.

What are everyone’s opinions/experiences? Anything else we could try?

TIA :)

My ex husband did this while I was working evenings (without my knowledge) had trouble for years

What are the differences between cc and cio?
So far i have had a reasonable sleeper and also dont think i could do it and it doesnt sound like it would be good for a baby. But who knows how desperate you could get so i dont count my chickens snd for sure dont judge people who feel they need to try.

My health visitor recommended controlled crying when DD was 11 months and still waking to feed 3+ times a night. She said that when putting DD to bed crying we should go to her after 20 seconds, then another 40s, then a minute, then every 5 minutes for as long as it takes for her to stop.

Three nights was all it took. Sure, the first couple of nights she cried for a very long time - but she still saw me every five minutes. And after three nights that was that. Now she’ll happily go to bed awake and sleep for 11 hours. I really don’t think it’s damaging and we’re all doing so much better for getting more sleep. I’m so grateful to the HV for recommending I try it.

Ive. Raised 4 .never resorted to that..it's cruel.

We did a gradual retreat/cc mix at around the same time. You can clearly hear that they are just pissed off and not hurt/distressed. It really worked well, and I am sure my child knows that she is loved and that if anything happens we will be there. It is not just leaving them to cry till they sleep.

HoustonBess what you describe is not cc it is gradual retreat. I used gradual retreat with mine too and it worked brilliantly. CC is when you leave a child to cry for increasing intervals. Cry it out is when you literally leave your baby to cry it out until they fall asleep. They are all different sleep training methods.

Ooples with cio a baby is literally left, door closed to cry until they go to sleep. It is not something I would ever consider. With cc you return to your dc after time periods, I think there are recommend ones but I never left ds for longer than 2 minutes. It is not something I would do with a baby who was happy to Co sleep (my dd just came into our bed but ds just hated it and his sleep was even worse)or a baby who was younger than around a year, or a baby who wasn't already night weaned or a baby who didn't have any other effective comforters (teddy, blanket, dummy etc)or a baby who only woke up a couple of times a night. It was not cruel the way that we did cc. It absolutely benefitted all of us, not least ds who was exhausted.

On these threads you can pretty much guarantee someone will bring up Romanian orphanages. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the op's home in no way resembles the orphanages in those films.

At 7 months I would try Co sleeping, shh pat, gradual retreat and coping mechanisms (early nights, sharing the night wakings napping during the day if possible ).

As you can see, it’s very devisive topic. I would say though that looking at the large group of friends I have and their children who are now mainly 10+ - I can’t tell the formula fed children from the breast fed and I also can’t tell those who co-slept till their parents till they were 7 and those who parents did CC / gradual retreat etc.
Every child is different so why works for one doesn’t work for others.
My DS was so clearly distressed through lack of sleep. He was permanently awake, miserable, unhappy and actually startered to lose weight. Once he was popped in his cot in the dim and quiet, 2 days of gradual retreat and he was sleeping. With proper sleep, he was a different child and the happiest baby in the world.

Worked for me for both dc, at a similar age. It’s not easy at first, and can be tiring, but we all benefited as a result, Go for it!

I think it’s cruel, and I couldn’t do it.

I wondered when someone would mention Romanian orphanages 😒
Those kids ended up like that because no human being ever hugged them, talked to them or was kind to them. Yes, no one came if they cried, but they were also absolutely neglected from day 1.
They did not end up like that because their loving, caring, responsible parents left them to cry for short, couple of minute intervals using controlled crying. Controlled crying lasts for minutes, not hours/days/months/a lifetime.
I imagine it's a very difficult thing to do, but the pay off is probably big when you've been sleep deprived for 7 months.
Mine is only 3 months so not something I've considered but if we're 6 months down the line and still only sleeping in 2 hour chunks I think we'll do it for sure.
As long as it's not cio/extinction crying, I think you and baby will be fine, it will just be a tough couple of nights.

I did it because I thought it was unkind to allow my babies to never sleep properly for longer than a few hours at a time. Controlled crying is sleep training, I wanted to help them sleep and be happier during the day.

We did it with both of our two at around 9 months. They had had some nights when they slept through prior to that so we knew they could do it. And they were weaned and eating well during the day at that time so we also knew they weren't hungry. Took 3 nights for each of them, and they were never left to cry for longer than 15 minutes. On the first night it took about an hour for our first child to go to sleep, the next night half an hour, the next night 15 minutes. She never looked back after that.

Our second child was a little more inconsistent but again we never left him crying for more than 15 minutes. We were absolutely strict about that.

I think under 6 months is too young. I also think cio is abhorrent.

Generally, the reason why babies are crying in the night is because they are unhappy at being awake and would rather be asleep. They are crying because they are frustrated and don't know how to settle themselves back into the land of nod. I've always looked on it as a kindness to unhappy babies to help them to self settle.

It was hard but worked a treat. I'm all for it personally but each to their own.

I think it has its place in older babies. 7 months is too young. It will break your heart and probably won't last - teething, development, etc. will all cause disrupted sleep.

There are gentler ways to encourage self-settling.

Honestly? I think it is horrible. I can’t stand to hear my children cry, if it feels wrong it probably is, we have instincts for a reason. i think people expect too much from babies and toddlers.

Depends on the baby and the method.
I did it at 10months and I left a 2min gap, then a 5 min gap then a 10min gap before returning- personally I never left my LO crying for more than 10mins.

I don't see a problem with it. It's not "leaving your baby to cry on their own until they fall asleep" - that's called Cry It Out. I see it as not jumping up and running to your baby as soon as they wimper and then holding, rocking, patting, shushing and singing to them until they shut up. I see it as leaving it for a few minutes, going in to see what's wrong, replacing the dummy, shushing and then leaving and then repeating for as long as necessary. With mine, when they were babies, I'd leave them a few minutes because often they'd settle themselves in that time (even as brand new newborns that's what they did. They'd stop crying and go back to sleep in the time it took to warm up their bottle and I'd then have to waste the milk). I often found that if I tried to cuddle and hush and pat them they'd wake up more and get even more wound up. I also think that if you're on your knees with tiredness then you have to do something - you have to look after yourself as well.

I did it with both of mine because the alternative was me spending 3 hours every evening attempting to feed an exhausted tired cross baby to sleep and both of us ending up in tears. I had nobody else who could help and after 6 months of never ever having a break it was either controlled crying or some kind of breakdown. I tried co sleeping with both but then nobody got any sleep and I also tried pick up put down but that made both of them extremely cross as they couldn't understand why I was picking them up but not feeding them. It worked for both of them to get away from feeding to sleep, it wasn't fun but it saved my sanity which has to be good for the family as a whole. I knew they didn't have a dirty nappy etc because I kept going back and checking. We won't be having any more but if I did I would try to make more effort with them as newborns not to build up such a strong breastfeeding to sleep association because that was the major issue that meant I ended up doing controlled crying. Also maybe it's different if you have more of a support network and have someone else who can help with housework, bedtime for the older child etc. I do think the worst option is to half attempt it though - if you're going to do it you really need to stick to it otherwise you just have crying for no reason.

I personally think controlled crying is too nice a name for it “leaving your child to cry until they learn nobody is coming for them and shut up” would be more appropriate.
This

And I have a 20 month old that is yet to sleep through the night.

It is not for me. Do I think badly of parents that do it? No.
But I don't like to be told I should because I don't tell them I shouldn't.

You will find all sorts of answers and ultimately you have to follow your gut. I could not do it

I don't tell THEM that they shouldn't. Typo

DD didn't sleep solidly for 2 years. I was a single parent with no family support around & no friends who could help. It was hell on earth but listening to my child scream her lungs out was more painful than the lack of sleep (which i apparently got used to because the first night i got a full 8 hours someone thought i looked knackered & must have had a bad night!).

Each to their own tho, i agree with Hopehoppity there are things i wouldn't do as a parent that others do. Joys of being adults

It completely depends on the parents and the child.

Personally, I couldn't bear to leave mine crying for too long. When I was stopping breastfeeding (many years ago now!) and trying to teach my two to sleep through at a year old, we did the method where you leave them crying for 30 seconds then go in and settle them, then leave it 1 minute and go in, then two minutes, then 4, 8, 16, etc...

Every time they always fell asleep during the 16 minute gap. Meaning that they were never left to cry for longer than 8 minutes and the whole exercise took about 45 mins (including the time for settling). To settle them we'd pick up and cuddle if necessary, but as much as possible just try to pat and shush until they calmed down and were quiet. The key thing for me was not to stick them on the boob to get them back down, and for them to learn that boobs were off the menu during the night.

It took about a week of doing this but they slept through fine after that.

I would like to stress I used this method to get my baby to self settle at bedtime- if they wake in the night then I get up and tend to them. We all know our babies best.

My dd never cried until she was 6 weeks old. I mean that literally. So much so that my mother actually told me she needed to be allowed to cry to clear her lungs She'd start to mooch and I'd pick her up. I'm saying this as an introduction to show that I'm not neglectful.
However, after a while, I decided that she could be allowed to cry. She soon self settled. I'm all for controlled crying. My dd was and still is a brilliant sleeper as a result. I know it's not a popular opinion. But I started very young with her settling herself (about 2 months I think). Sleep usually took over. The advice I was given privately at the time is that night time is for sleep. Daytime is for cuddles. They learn that over about 3 days.