Would someone like to have an objective debate on attachment parenting vs. Ford?!

[ljhooray]

Hi everyone,
I know there are lots of passionate supporters of attachment parenting just as there are passionate supporters of very routine based parenting (i.e. Gina Ford). As Mumsnet knows well, its easy to find debate on Ford, but what I've been totally unable to find is a proper debate on Attachment Parenting. Having read Dr. Sears and others, I would find it difficult to follow what in a way is also a very strict approach. Although its the exact opposite of Ford, I feel it also puts lots of pressure on the family.

Please please please, can we find a middle ground somewhere? I think that's what I'm trying with my lovely daughter Sophie. We occassionally dip into Rachel Waddilove's Baby Book and Penelope Leach You and Your Child and although things feel right for us< i would love to get some thoughts from others.

Harpsi, do you really want a reasoned debate or do you just want to shout at those who disagree with you?

harpsi - cuddles are essential for children and adults

Some of us rely on books, as we have neither family nor friends to turn to

Harpsi, we'll have to agree to disagree. Cuddles are are necessity. BF past the point when your child can eat a varied diet is not a neccessity. Its a choice. Fine for you to choose to, fine for me to choose not to.

My parenting guru is a mother of 12 who was also a grandmother. I followed my instincts for a while first, and when I butted up against something I couldn't figure out, she helped greatly by suggesting a gentle routine would help me balance the needs of my (then) two children.

I'm always a fan of listening to them wots done it with their own, and especially if they've got grown-up children who are following their advice with the grandchildren, too.

Oh and MrsMarvel, I think your round up of the potential issues of one extreme or another and largely what I felt. For my sins, I'm a Psych grad and it would seem to me that there would be issues with either approach and a pragmatic flexible middle ground is likely to be the best we can hope for to help our little ones find their way in the world.
P.S. I'm a first time mum and although it probably sounds like I've been pouring over books, for the most part, I've just been enjoying how fantastic it is being a mum! I just love exploring all these different points of view!

Cuddles are a necessity. Breastfeeding (past two even) leads to lots and lots of cuddles.

Ergo we carry on with breastfeeding

Ok - before I say this I'd just like to point out that I'm also letting DS (10 months) self wean and am in no hurry to stop BF, and I'm not judging anyone for carrying on BF past 2 or whatever...

The only thing that bothers me slightly is that my first memory is from around 28 months. I'm not sure I'd be too happy if I actually remembered being BF by my mother.

JMO. Still not sure what I'll do with my kids!

If harpsi is looking for a reasoned debate,on ext BF, then please can someone take my place. I

Rhubarb, I would love a reasoned debate but I never seem to get one.
that's what gets me a little frustrated to be honest.
I have absolutely no idea why you or Oblomov think that any aspect of parenting is to do with doing what is "necessary" - it doesn't make any sense to me at all.
do you make any other decisions in your parenting life based on what is "necessary"
?
I doubt it.
what about - what is best for me and my child?
so why should decisions about bf be based on "necessity"?
Of course you are right Rhubarb it is masking a thinly disguised distaste about sexuality, it just makes me sad that intelligent women don't acknowledge that and just hide behind meal mouthed and irrelevant concepts like necessity instead.

and for those who don't have ANY friends or family around, well that would be very sad. I would spend some time making links with other mums rather than follow the advice of a woman with no parenting experience and/or a woman who left her children behind to move across the atlantic to be with her second husband and to make a tonne of money

harpsi - yes, I think I make a lot of parenting decisions based on necessity.

But also a lot based on mutual pleasure.

Oh and on the concurrent discussion on BF that has emerged, that's another interesting one. I was unable (not unwilling by any means!) to breastfeed and was devasted that I couldn't. I've been really frustrated that this is another area of extremes, I wanted to bf put had to make my peace with it. I only wish I'd had more support in those early days in bottle feeding rather than wasting the first few weeks of my lovely little girl's life in guilt.

BF is best for sure and if its' working for you and your baby, go for it. I just wish there was more support for those that have stopped or were medically unable to do so, rather than a common assumption that the decision was based on convenience.

meant to add - I met her online.

Harpsi you are being unreasonable yourself and I don't think you want a debate at all.

How can you say to us to just go out and make friends rather than consult a book? It's all that easy is it? When you're a new mum with her first baby, no relatives to turn to and not the faintest idea about baby groups - we should have just gone out there and got them eh?

And in saying that it is unnecessary, we are only stating the facts. Just as it is unnecessary to carry on giving formula after your baby is one. You can choose to go giving formula if you wish, but it's not entirely necessary. Now I don't expect any formula feeders to jump down my throat at that revelation so why are you?

Sit back and take a deep breath will you? No-one is having a go at you. You wanted a debate remember? Is something the matter today?

I wonder why people who BF their DCs stop when they do....?

Personally, I started to wean him off at 6 months because the advice given by HV, Doctor, etc, was to BF exclusively for 6 months.

I really regret it now and wish i'd carried on til he weaned himself. I was just clueless.

I smell a colour supplement article being cheaply researched!

Harpsi - I was the first amongst my group of friends to have a baby. No advice from them. Parents 300 miles away. In-laws held very old fashioned views that I didn't want to follow. My new mum friends were all as lost and clueless as me (I hung with the group that didn't pretend it was all wonderful). HV was pants.

You don't have to be 'sad' and friendless to turn to a book for guidance.

Harpsi - I thought it was unfair of you to nitpick on my words - I only typed "paella and strawberries and cream" - becasue I made it from scratch the other day and dh and ds(3.5) loved it, and as i was typing I remembered that at the very ealry stages of weaning I made risotto / rice for ds and he has always loved it.
Don't say I should give him "simpler things" - thats not fair and I respect you enough to think that you don't really mean that.

I haven't discussed parenting "methods" with friends either, I do however say "little johnny is driving me nuts as he is waking at 5am everyday" whereupon if they have any advice they are generally very quick to offer...

Or possibly someone shilling/ astroturfing Rachel Waddilove...

I think Harpsi must be having a bad day.

I bf dd until she was 3 months old and yes I wish I had done it longer.

I bf ds until he was 8 months old and I was advised to give up because I was getting sick. He was putting on loads of weight, but he fed and fed as I have mentioned, woke me up 5 or 6 times a night. I was exhausted, not the energy to eat decent meals. So I reluctantly gave up and started trying to build myself up, which I eventually did.

Ds still loves his food!

Oh Unquietdad, that's a great idea, always fancied being a writer and perhaps this will be my introduction to journalism!

Sorry to disappoint though, I really am a mum that just loves a good discussion

I have to go, a poo awaits as does my ds from nursery. Happy debating!

Hasn't anyone mentioned the Mumsnet book? My dh bought it for me when I bought ds home for the first time. I used to sit in the kitchen in the middle of the night flicking through it.

It proved something we already know, of course. We don't really agree on anything much, do we?

Still, in the spirit of controversy, a 5-year- old on your norks is a bit much.