What can we do to prevent our Sons growing up into a manchild? Or is it inevitable?

[HollidayArmadillo]

I literally do not know a single person in a relationship who doesn't agree that they have to basically coach the man through life
Has to be told very specifically and clearly how to do things and that things need doing in the first place, wants a parade every time they do something round the house
Are generally largely useless at housework and childcare
Shows zero initiative in this area of life whatsoever
And don't even get me started on the mental load

Every single woman I ever talk to has the same issues, and we see thread after thread on here about it

Why is this happening?? Why do we as a society accept it?
And most importantly what specifically can we do with our Sons now to prevent it happening in the future?

Or do you think no matter how capable they are the minute they move in with a woman and procreate that they will become a manchild as that's what society expects?

They are out there! I once shared a flat with 2 blokes and they were much tidier and house proud than I ever have been! My DH is very capable too but I do regularly get annoyed at other people rabbiting on about how lucky I am to have a man who does housework and as much of the childcare as he can.... no-one ever tells him he’s lucky for having a woman who does all that too!
My brother is pretty hopeless with regards to being an adult, travels an hour and a half to give my mum a load of laundry if he’s behind with it! She does have very old fashioned views regarding a woman’s role though.

I do think it's odd that the op can't believe that there are men who are not hopeless around the home.

Why do I know quite a few?

Even growing up I knew dads who did the cooking. My own Dad was considered by us as old fashioned but he kept our school clothes ironed, shoes polished and fed us breakfast every day.

“Not hopeless” is rather damning with faint praise!

My DS does some housework badly. I just think he needs more practise.

If you don't want your sons to grow up to be manchildren then how to behave has to be modelled by both parents (were applicable).

Fathers should do their share of the work and load and mothers should model that any less is not acceptable.

Also this tiger/lion/whatever parenting needs to stop, the ever present my child can do no wrong and everyone else should stop picking on them BS.

But its only going to work if every parent of every culture does it.

Oh and it doesn't help when you have fathers being praised for everyday tasks.

I also think standards change once you have kids, you need to be cleaner with babies and can't really feed a toddler a lazy takeaway all the time. I certainly stepped up my game when my first DS was born, but my STBEX didn't. We had some arguments when first living together about our different standards but he seemed to be listening and changing bit by bit. Plus I loved him, so could put up with a bit of messiness.

Now he seems to be going backwards. It's as if now he has me captive he's stopped bothering, cos his time is too precious to do the chore right the first time. So I'll normally have to finish it off after (things like doing the dishes but not scraping food off so the sink is full of shite and leaving it all night and leaving countertops unwiped). He also won't do anything for the kids unless he's asked, but then accuses me of nagging

I'm just doing it all myself now, or finishing the job off for him, but not for long. I'll soon be LTB, once I get myself sorted financially. The love has well and truly died.

My ex was a complete man child. My DH is just as capable as me....more so at times.
It's all in the upbringing....and the fact he lived by himself for a few years.

Oh sorry, I forgot to answer your question in my rant OP!

I think modelling the behaviour we want and teaching them the basic lifeskills is as much as we can do. My 2year old DS is already helping with sweeping and folding clothes, his responsibilities will increase as he gets older. He loves helping to clean so far though so it's easy!

And as someone said already calling them out on their bullshit excuses each time will help

Hersymphony that phrasing reflects my speech patterns rather than the men I know!