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Parenting

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Original poster

Have I really been selfish taking my son out alot during mat leave - should I have spent more time at home

53 replies

Jellybabie3 · 02/10/2018 09:23

My son is almost one. Hes a happy sociable little boy and will smile and wave at anyone he sees. He cant walk or stand by himself unaided yet but is cruising.

I have only a handful of days left before returning to work and someone has now landed me with a comment thats making me wonder if I have truely been selfish with how I have used our leave.

Admittedly me and DS have been out almost every day. 1 day is reserved for swimming, 1 for grandparents (cafe and a walk usually then food shop in the avo) another day for a baby group of we can make it (nap depending if not out somewhere). The other 2 days I have usually taken DS out for the day - may be a trip to a local wildlife park or just to a mall or coffee but quite often just shopping at supermarkets etc for his clothes (i admit there has been alot of coffee shops).

Someone has now said 'maybe DS would be walking if he wasnt strapped to a car seat or pushchair all day'. I am gutted and now regret not spending more time at home. We havent had a pj day since he was tiny.

Did I get this all wrong?

We are home today and playing and now I feel regret that we didnt do this more....

OP posts:

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niknac1 · 02/10/2018 09:26

Ignore, children develop at their own pace.

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/10/2018 09:28

Well thats what I thought but I am still feeling crap about going places all the time instead of giving him undivided attention

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 02/10/2018 09:29

Well for a start not every child walks before 1 that was a ridiculous thing for that person to say cruising is perfectly normal for a baby this age, and how you spend your maternity leave with your baby is nobodies business.

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MrsJayy · 02/10/2018 09:30

You were giving him undevided attention taking him out and about is providing experiences and attention being stuck in with a baby is dull .

ohlittlepea · 02/10/2018 09:31

What kind if a person would say that?
If you think of each day there will be times when your at home and he's on the floor. With kids some people feel the need to give a lot of advice/judgement. This is advice too but it helped me...dont dwell on the negatives, let it wash over you like water off a ducks back. He sounds like a happy well loved child who does fun activities.

MrsJayy · 02/10/2018 09:32

Btw both of mine walked unaided at 14/15 months

Swishswish26 · 02/10/2018 09:32

What a horrible comment that person made. When I had my ds and was on maternity leave, I was happier being out at coffee shops/baby swimming classes/baby groups/walks as being alone at home made me feel depressed. Your baby sounds like they are happy and content so I wouldn’t worry at all about her comment.

whiningandwining · 02/10/2018 09:32

I did very similar to you throughout my maternity leave, as did a number of friends. My son walked at 12 months, one friends at 9 months, another at 18 months. We all did broadly the same. They just develop at their own rate, and it sounds like he's very happy and has had a great time!

whiningandwining · 02/10/2018 09:33

Meant to add, if you hadn't have taken him out as much, someone else would no doubt have had something to say! Just seems the way sadly.

pumpkinpie01 · 02/10/2018 09:34

It sounds like you have both been having a lovely time, why would you want to be in the house all day when you really dont have to be ! What a stupid ignorant comment - ignore it, you sound like a brill mum

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 02/10/2018 09:35

People can't get enough of criticising women. What shite has his dad had to listen to? Almost certainly none.

Believe me if your child wanted out of their buggy they would let you know. It sounds like you've had a nice busy mat leave. Good for you.

CloudCaptain · 02/10/2018 09:36

Jeez. What a horrible person. I hope it's not someone you have to see often. I imagine they would say the opposite if you hadn't taken him out. Walking is entirely dependant on the child. You don't see many adults still in a pushchair and conversely I imagine you couldn't tell if an Olympic athlete was an early Walker or not.
Each child is different and it sounds like you had a great time together.

barleyreed · 02/10/2018 09:38

Rubbish! Ignore them! I feel guilty that DS2 isn't taken out enough and spends too much time at home, when DS1 is at preschool I enjoy the downtime. I think as parents we feel guilty whatever we do. Your little one wouldn't be smiling at everyone if he was unhappy so if you both enjoyed the time out it sounds perfect to me :)

Nightwatch999 · 02/10/2018 09:38

Oh take no notice, its wonderful for your little one to explore the world around him, he has had plenty of fresh air, and stimulation.

My youngest started walking at 13 months, so your doing just fine!

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/10/2018 09:39

Thanks all.

I am gutted tbh because I hadnt given it a thought but now I am contemplating all the days he may well have been sat down (aka car seat to push chair to high chair for lunch to pushchair...) for may be 6 hours on a day out..

But yes in the morn and evening he is always playing at home. It just find it difficult being at home as its easy to get side tracked by chores or tidying etc or I find it a long day as time goes so slow... I admit coffee shops may not be exciting (and has cost a fortune I expect) but he has loved the attention he gets from others. In my defence I go shopping for food and his clothes (i buy next size up in sales...) Other than coffee all my money is spent on him.

OP posts:

Lweji · 02/10/2018 09:39

He's not one yet and only cruising? Dear God. I wonder how he'll get to university.
He should have been walking at 6 months and be an accomplished gymnast by now!!!

More seriously, I'd have thought he was bang on average.

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/10/2018 09:41

Thanks all people are so horrid at times....I think people underestimate how hard it is being a first time mum emotionally....

This with everyone mentioning 'not long til you go back to work' has literally done me in this week

OP posts:

reallybadidea · 02/10/2018 09:42

Did you do lots of talking to to him, playing with him, reading to him etc? Does he have lots of time on a play mat looking at or playing with toys?? Do you hold him on your lap and encourage him to pull himself up and stand? If so then what you've been doing with taking him to coffee shops, malls etc sounds fine. It's ok to want to get out of the house with a baby!

BertieBotts · 02/10/2018 09:42

Weird comment to make. It's unusual for a child to be walking before one and it sounds like he's had lots of lovely opportunities to develop his strength and coordination with all of that swimming, days out and playgroups! How else is he supposed to get to and from these things other than a car seat or pushchair? And all that lovely fresh air and social interaction and building relationships with his grandparents.

Of course it would harm his development if you strapped him into things every hour he was awake but you haven't done that. I know people who did, BTW. Their children still walked much to their frustration :o

Ignoramusgiganticus · 02/10/2018 09:43

I had to get out at least once everyday when my children were small or I'd have gone stir crazy with cabin fever.

H reading your op, I thought your question was going to be "aibu to open up my son's world by taking him out everyday and that's not going to happen anymore when I return to work." Your actual op is such a non issue.

Timeandtune · 02/10/2018 09:43

Looks like I did the same with DS1 25 years ago. We were never in. We were fortunate to live in Edinburgh at the time so parks and cafes aplenty and lots of free stuff for babies.
For the record he walked “early”had a dummy forever ( nearly 4) and was “slow” to potty train.
Enjoy your time with your baby and do not pay any attention to ridiculous comments!

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/10/2018 09:43

I totally agree and personally didnt expect anything else @Lweji. I just have a raft of people telling me all their babies walked by their first birthdays...etc etc aargh. You cant win.

OP posts:

Liz79 · 02/10/2018 09:43

The year you've had is precious, you might not get another mat leave and certainly not with this ds. Sounds like you and ds have thoroughly enjoyed yourselves. Win win imho. He'll walk soon enough, certainly isn't behind, and he's well socialised which will.be good for when he starts nursery (?) Soon x

Happyandshiney · 02/10/2018 09:46

What a lot of nonsense!

I was out every day with the pram when my twins were babies and they both walked at ten months.

Similarly my friend’s child didn’t walk until they were 18 months old and they only left the house once a week.

Your child is fine. He’s a year old and cruising that’s completely normal.

Whoever made the comment is both ill informed and terribly rude.

Tinty · 02/10/2018 09:46

I had to pretty much take my DS out every day, he was so active up at 5 every morning so we would be out walking for an hour by 9 every morning. He did walk at about 13 months.

When I had DD I was working, big office own business so I took her to work with me from 2 months. She was very different, happy to sit and play with toys in the office for hours. We went out for a walk most lunchtimes. She didn't walk until 19 months.

So every child is different. If he wasn't happy going out and spending time in the pushchair, highchair etc, he would soon let you know.

It sounds like you have had a lovely maternity leave and your baby has had a wonderful first year with you.

He will walk when he is ready.

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