Have I really been selfish taking my son out alot during mat leave - should I have spent more time at home

[Jellybabie3]

My son is almost one. Hes a happy sociable little boy and will smile and wave at anyone he sees. He cant walk or stand by himself unaided yet but is cruising.

I have only a handful of days left before returning to work and someone has now landed me with a comment thats making me wonder if I have truely been selfish with how I have used our leave.

Admittedly me and DS have been out almost every day. 1 day is reserved for swimming, 1 for grandparents (cafe and a walk usually then food shop in the avo) another day for a baby group of we can make it (nap depending if not out somewhere). The other 2 days I have usually taken DS out for the day - may be a trip to a local wildlife park or just to a mall or coffee but quite often just shopping at supermarkets etc for his clothes (i admit there has been alot of coffee shops).

Someone has now said 'maybe DS would be walking if he wasnt strapped to a car seat or pushchair all day'. I am gutted and now regret not spending more time at home. We havent had a pj day since he was tiny.

Did I get this all wrong?

We are home today and playing and now I feel regret that we didnt do this more....

Thanks think that comment has just hit me when I am already abit emotional...if anything else is said I will be sure to have thicker skin

I've just read this which has cheered me up immensely
www.huffpost.com/entry/what-i-do-all-day-when-i-am-home-with-the-baby_b_4741568

I try and get out each day with my son, even if it’s just a walk to the shop. Getting out and about breaks up his day and gives him new scenery to take in, lets him interact with other people and best of all, tires him out so he sleeps well. He seems happier when we’ve been out somewhere too. As someone up thread said, if you are interacting with him, reading, playing and giving him a bit of time to practice using his body then all is ok. You can’t sit in all day, for days on end running some sort of baby boot camp with the two of you going stir crazy.

That HuffPost article is great!

@CrazyOldBagLady i think if you swap the dog walks with the trips i do to the shops it sums my day up almost perfectly

Your child will walk when he’s ready. Mine walked at 10 months and 14 months. Same house, similar routines (though if anything the later Walker was at home more!).

My friends son didn’t walk until 18 months.

Some people are twats and like to judge. It can be hard but do try to ignore them. You know your child and it sounds like he’s had a fabulous, stimulating time.

100% what SodTheBloodyLotOfThem said, people just can't get enough of criticising women. Your DS sounds right on track. The only change I'd make is never seeing that horrible person again! I had a very similar routine to you and my DS walked on his first birthday. My little cousin just bum shuffled until he was 2, and now he's a black belt in about 3 martial arts, and an extreme sports instructor! People need to mind their own business.

Tbh someone knobby like that would have found something else to criticise if it wasn’t that... some people are just shits. I think it’s brilliant you made the most of your leave.

If it helps by way of examples:

• I had stupid critical comments about going back to work “so very early” (6 months) and “basically leaving a baby” (at home with my DH, her loving and very capable father).

• My NCT group friend got stupid comments about her “career suicide” (13 months off including holidays, and going back part time).

• We were both apparently shit parents for “depriving” our children of the “nursery experience” (because I had a SAHD DH and her and her DH both went part time).

• Another friend was criticised for “abandoning” her baby (in an outstanding, highly recommended nursery).

Seriously - you can’t win so just do what works for you!

They are talking bollocks.
You've had a great time together and your son will have benefited massively from all the outings. Mine were only cruising at 12 months. Proper walking didn't happen until around 16 months.

Thanks. I guess her point was coffee shops and supermarkets werent 'making the most of my leave' but I cant also live without food and have found coffee shops the best place to feed DS (both bf and when weaning) and I cant spend all day every day in soft play...

I also understand that comment about career suicide...I will have been off for 14 months when I go back and am going part time to a different job. I am pleased to change jobs and my now old manager has also made it clear it was a good move as 'i would find it hard to go back being out of the loop so long' not the case she just doesn't want part timers...

I also saved for two years pre trying to conceive to have the money to stay off with DS for this long and so will never have this time again....no matter if we have other children or not.

Thanks all I feel much better.

Please don't worry OP! Sounds like you've a fab mat leave :)

As for walking, Children really do develop in their own time. My DS took his first steps at 12.5 months, but wasn't walking completely independently until about 14m. Now at 19m, he just literally runs everywhere he also wasn't standing unaided until about 15m when he was confident with his balance.

My friends DD wasn't even crawling until 11m. Within a month, she was standing unaided and walking.

He will walk when he's ready :)

I guess her point was coffee shops and supermarkets werent 'making the most of my leave'

Yes but Jelly it’s your leave! Your choice. Your child.

Other people can have opinions (and do!)! but your decisions are what counts.

I go out nearly every day (even for an hour) because otherwise I would lose the plot and my baby gets bored very quickly at home.

She's developing fine! Ignore these people!

I didn't go out that much and DD didn't even crawl until after her first birthday.

It's not down to you.

Oh crikey that’s a ridiculous comment to have made. Having s baby that’s Walking early doesn’t make a mother morally superior or a better parent. It’s entitely down to the child.

It sounds like you and ds have had a lovely time together.

Neither of my dc walked until they were 14 months and I can assure you that they are more than adequate walkers now at 18 and 15 after being so “behind”. What’s the rush? He’ll walk when he’s ready regardless of what you do with him?

People are odd about walking. It seems to be a milestone people attach a lot of emotion and (sadly) judgement to. Mine were walking at 14, 18 and 18 months respectively. They're entirely (for want of a better word in the context) normal children. A baby that walks before a year is not some kind of good parenting prize.

I do happen to think it's good for babies' motor skills to be able to spend time on the floor moving around (in whichever way they can), and would personally have been a bit anxious/unhappy myself at a majority of days with baby primarily in pushchairs and car seats (esp the latter) (And also not sure how you managed to spend whole days in supermarkets - which does imply to me that you probably spent more time at home than you realise). But I did a heck of a lot of long walks with baby in sling (esp with the younger two, when I was out and about with the older one/s), visiting friends etc, and yes, I had the odd day mainly in bookshops and cafes too. It was rather lovely :)

In my experience the babies who walk early are the ones who hate sitting down for long. All of mine walked before 1, they all hated being stuck in the pushchair or anywhere for more than a short while. So I didn’t take them to coffee shops or shopping or anywhere as it wasn’t fun. If they had been different I would have been doing the same as you.
All babies are different and yours will have benefited from all the lovely experiences you have given him so far. If you’d have stayed at home more it sounds like he would have chosen to sit and play rather than charging round the room anyway!
You sound like you’re doing a great job to me, ignore other people’s comments (as hard as it is!)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1477238/A-daily-dose-of-fresh-air-helps-babies-to-sleep-longer-at-night.html

I was a childminder, all children went out every day together. 1 walked at 8 months others didn't til 18 months.
All amazing children, all individuals.

That person is bonkers. Actually there’s convincing evidence that the longer the time between crawling and walking, the better for brain development, which correlates with higher school attainment later in life. The average age for walking is 15 months anyway. Beyond that, god, being stuck at home is boring as all hell.

What utter nonsense!! And a very strange comment, in all the guilt inducing rubbish I've heard over the years that's a new one on me!

As PPs have said. You do right to take baby out and keep entertained - so good for you both! Even if you were at home all day there'd still be a lot of time when he would want to be cuddled/napping/sitting playing. Babies aren't needing to constantly be on the go!

My DS is almost 1 and cruising but not walking. Absolutely normal and I'd be surprised if he did walk. You've been doing a great job! And I remember you from the sleep threads so it's been in the face of some very tired days which makes it even more impressive...

And if you have another....trust me, you'll be glad of the time you spent during this leave because mat leave with a toddler and baby to entertain is hard work!

Obvs should add mat leave can be hard whether you have one DC or 5, it's just harder to do the coffee shop thing (which I love) when your 3 yr old wants to run around and shriek...

You're fine op. Ds is 11 months and only beginning to pull himself up on furniture , he's spent lots of time at home exploring too.

You sound like a good parent , ignore anyone that says otherwise.

Keepkondoing
I agree, I think that babies run the show more than we realise! My DS was walking at 10 months but hates being in the pushchair for very long unless asleep. I had visions of a lovely mat leave full of coffee shops etc but have spent most of it following him as he rolled then crawled now runs (stumbles) around the house destroying things. He loves playing on his own in the house which is great but has been lonely for me and I've felt so guilty about not taking him to socialise at groups! Sounds like your DS is a lovely boy, ignore everyone (easier said than done!)