Maternity leave: when do you do your cleaning?

[Ebonyscrooge]

On maternity leave with dc2,dc1 at school. She is 4 months old and very clingy.
We have had a cleaner for the last 12 months and DH says I should be doing the cleaning myself now that I'm "off work." I genuinely have no idea how I'm going to get this done with a clingy baby between the hours of 9.30 and 2.30.

Does anyone else manage this? And how?

We live in a large house with 4 rooms downstairs, 4 upstairs and 2 bathrooms.

Keep the cleaner at tell DH to eff off!

You need to nip this 'you are off work' in the bud now. I am assuming you will be going back to work after ML, and if you aren't careful you will end up doing all the household shit work as well as your job. I would keep the cleaner (especially if she is good).

I sprint round and do as much as I can during naptimes and use a sling the rest of the time but that's literally just to keep things tidy/vacuumed I struggle to get any proper cleaning done.

Fortunately my DP understands that any cleaning that gets done is extra/incidental to my primary function of keeping two children under the age of two alive. Because he's not a knob.

Im really upset tbh as I told him yesterday how I struggle to even heat up a microwave meal for 4 minutes at lunch times without her screaming for me.
There were no offers for him to take over some of the housework at weekends. And the last 2 weekends hes been out of the house for 14 hour stretches persuing his hobby.
I also have a dust allergy which makes dusting almost impossible as my eyes swell up,mouth itches,can't stop sneezing for hours afterwards. Hes seen this reaction many times but still sees it as my job. 😢😢

The cleaner is brilliant.
I've felt so much happier about the house since having her

I think a well planned day off is needed. By which i mean that tomorrow you get yourself off out for breakfast in a nice deli, then go for a wee swim/sauna, then go to the cinema. Without your phone.

Then see what he says

Or my favourite response.... last time i checked I wasnt "off work" for shits and giggles but to have a baby that YOU helped create but I had to literally grow and feed. So fuck right off, pull your weight or we keep paying for a cleaner. ^^

The way I see it is if we make it through the day and everyone in the house is fed and no-one got hurt then that’s a good day. Some days I manage to get some housework done, other days I don’t. I don’t expect my child’s nursery to also be tidying the nursery/cooking the meals/sorting out the finances while looking after the children so why put that pressure on myself when I’m home? I found telling my husband he was more than welcome to take shared parental leave and I’d go back to work got my point across.

If I get angry with him and tell him where to go, he tells me I'm abusive. Also if I have a go at him for leaving crap lying around or for being messy.... Im being abusive.

Cant win.

I think you need to have a conversation about the wider issue here of his 'expectations' and a fair division of labour, rather than focus on how you can do the cleaning.

It seems like an unfair arrangement as it stands. You use the words "offer" and "take over" like you believe these are your tasks and if he did any household chores at the weekend he'd be doing you a favour.

Good luck.

You aren't off work your raising your children so he can continue to work uninterrupted just remind him of that next time he mentions it his alternative is paying hundreds a month for a childminder out of his wages

Your DH sounds like a bit of an arse But plenty of us manage to keep a clean house with little kids. Use a sling, or do it when she naps. I follow the organised mum method and I have a 6year old, 2 year old and a 5 month old.

But the op doesn't have your two year old and 5 month old steel she has her clingy 4 month old and a dust allergy.

Could I keep a modern two up two down reasonably clean and tidy with my livewire 20mo and a clingy 3mo. Probably just about with a sling and good day where the 20mo has a long nap.

Could I keep a large 5 bedroom dusty old farmhouse clean to the same standard? Unlikely.

Not your house, not your children, not your dust allergy and if the OP says she's feeling overwhelmed by it her husband should believe her, not cancel the cleaner, call her abusive when she asks him to help and bugger off for child and housework free time for hours and hours at a weekend.

She wont be put down to nap for any long stretches.
Hate slings. What can you actually do in one? I cant bend or reach a thing, or make beds when i wear mine! I just end up going for walks in mine to settle the baby.

I’m also on mat leave with a 4 month old.

I do my basic daily chores (empty dishwasher, one load of washing, empty bins, quick wipe of kitchen) while baby has morning nap.
But this means I normally don’t have time to shower myself, so not ideal.

I try to do one extra job per day - today I’ve changed & washed bedsheets. Yesterday I cleaned baby’s perfect prep milk machine.

Baby is happy in bouncy chair for a limited amount of time so I can normally make a sandwich for lunch etc.

Baby is more clingy in afternoon so often I don’t get much done after lunch.

DH helps with domestic chores at weekend, but he is out house 6.15am - 8pm or later Mon-Fri so I’m pretty much on my own during the weeks. I cope but it’s not easy and certain things (cleaning oven etc) haven’t been done since baby born.

We’re moving house soon and I’ll definitely be looking to get a cleaner once we’ve moved.

@pastabest I did say her DH sounds like an arse. Calling her abusive and not helping is being an arse. Wanting to cancel the cleaner when you have someone at home all day isn't.

I do the same as you bargains. Although I find putting the load of washing away each day a difficult enough achievement!

Op have a look at the organised mum method. 45 mins a day cleaning, you can split it into tiny 10 minute chunks whenever you can, it really works too. I have a large 4 bed, 3 bath home too.

Your husband is an idiot!

Ebony scrooge honestly, I cook, tidy, bake, do most things in them. Some things can be cumbersome, so I don't bother, but mostly it's no worse than being heavily pregnant I found.

If you are struggling to even put something in the microwave, then I think you need to either get used to a sling, practice doing things one handed more, or build up your baby's tolerance for being put down, so you can actually do things.

Putting cleaning aside at the moment, you need to be able to take basic care of yourself and your needs, and baby either tags along, or doesn't.

Op deffo look at TOMM theres a thread running over on housekeeping board at the moment. I do like team tomm but i do wish it was the organised parent instead

However its needs to be stressed to your DH that if he doesnt want to pay for a cleaner then he needs to participate. That no one person is responsible for cleaning. That yes you are "off" work but actually you are now employed as a full time carer to a small infant and a school aged child. That 14hrs a day for a hobby is unacceptable (unless thats not a regular occurence of course).

Dont engage with the abusive shite. If he persists, just reply "that he is being emotionally abusive towards you by saying that when all you are trying to do is have an adult conversation regarding the upkeep of our home". Try to keep calm, easy for an internet stranger to say mind you.

Most importantly though, remember you are doing a BRILLIANT job so far.

Just to make it clear about what i do accomplish each day:
A load of washing, dried )and put away if time)
Dishwasher loaded
Whole house tidied and beds made daily
Kitchen sides wiped daily
Dinner freshly cooked and cleared away
School run- 20 minute walk twice a day

So I can keep things ticking over but struggle to do any deeper cleaning in the time I have.

Then I also breastfeed the baby and if Ive had a bad night... try to nap during the day.

Meet up with other mums atkeast twice a week and take baby to a group.

Is there really much time for anything else?

@Ebonyscrooge sounds like your doing plenty. Re the deep clean tell "D" H to skip his hobby for a weekend and take the children so you can do it once a month then whizz round with air fresher / polish spray and spray the lightbulbs (house will smell like it's been cleaned) and pop yourself off for a nap / out for lunch . In all seriousness though keep the cleaner.

You’re doing amazing. Way more than me, I can barely even unload the dishwasher and I only have one child. Anyone who says otherwise has clearly never had a high needs baby.

Please don’t feel like you’re not doing enough. You’re husband is just a lazy arse who needs to do his share. I’m angry for you OP!

*your