Has anyone not let their teenager get a smart phone

[jttf]

Hi,

Has anyone held firm and not let their teenager get a smart phone?

I'm a teacher and we've banned them completely from site and it has made the children happier, friendlier and better behaved.

With my little one fast approaching the age when she'll start demanding a phone, I'm very tempted to put my foot down and say no. I'm not your friend, I'm your parent and I think this is better for you.

Has anyone held out and been successful?

Following! My kids are still young and attend a tech-free primary school (& they’re tech-free at home as well) so it’s currently a very pleasant non-issue, but I feel I’d want to just get a cheapo phone and text type device when they’re in secondary and be the (potentially) hated parent as I totally agree that it’s better for them, but have a feeling my resolve may waver at the time. I guess if their friends’ parents are of similar mindset then it would be easier.

Yes me. DD has a Nokia 3310. It does calls and texts and costs me £6 per month on a sim only contract. Neither of us will cry if it is lost or stolen. She has WiFi access at home, and doesn't need constant internet access / data allowance while out.

I wouldn't allow my child to have a smart phone until he/she was around 15/16. They have really no need for a phone until aged 11 when they start secondary and even then, just a basic phone they can use to call emergency numbers and text mates.

It really baffles me when some parents give their toddlers/young children their iPhone to play with!

It's wayyy in the future for us but dh and I intend on not allowing a phone or other electronics until high school. There is just no need for them to have something so valuable and things like social media that they can access are so damaging to self esteem. We hope it'll have a positive effect on us too, encouraging us to put our mobile phones away more often.

@adoggymama just a basic phone they can use to call emergency numbers and text mates.

A large proportion of social interaction for teens is via whatsapp, instagram and facebook. Not being able to access these apps on your phone means you may as well not have a phone at all. Almost nobody uses traditional text messages any more.

@ OP

There's a huge difference between banning phones for the sake of overall social cohesion, and banning phones for a specific individual because "Do as I say". I'm also a teacher, and while a blanket ban on phones can be attractive some days, I also have lessons where I get my students to do research to prepare whole-class presentations using their phones, which we would be unable to do otherwise. I would also never ban my child from having access to a phone - they're probably going to grow up introverted as it is, even without me deliberately choosing to cripple their ability to communicate with their peers, and expose them to mocking or bullying because they don't have one.

I get the sentiment that "Kids today spend too much time staring at screens" but from my point of view that's a case of ineffective parenting, not the perils of technology. Make it clear to your child that the phone goes away and stays away during mealtimes, when you want to talk to them, and so on. Have a phone-free hour after school if you want, and actively encourage them to visit their friends houses to chat, or invite their friends over to your house to do stuff together instead of saying "I won't allow you to have this common and cheap device that everyone else in your class will have because I personally don't like it" because that's the kind of thing that can seriously damage relationships over a long period of time.

Almost nobody uses traditional text messages any more.
Not true where I am, they use text all the time (as well as whatsapp)
And it gives me the rage when teachers get their classes to do research/presentations on their phones in class. What about the 3 kids in class without a smart phone?
Way to isolate some children.
How did teachers manage to teach 10 years ago when no kid had a smart phone.
There is already way too much bullying around phones in secondary schools. That's why most parents I know said when their children were 9 or so "I will wait until at least 15" and yet by 12 they all caved (bar one or two) because when you are 12 and even teachers are reinforcing the idea that it's an absolute nessecity, what parent wants to make their kid be the weird one with the shit phone.
It's become like having non branded trainers in the 90s.
I wish all schools had a "no phones on campus" policy.

Also, they all want an iphone, not just a smart phone. Is that cheap?? Not to me.

Not having equipment to easily access instagram / snapchat etc puts a teenager at a huge social disadvantage.

No, my teen has a smart phone (14 - not an iPhone (prefers an android)) and uses it to pay for small items, book taxis, train tickets, order food, share location, message family & friends, take photos, play games and read up on stuff on the internet (4G.) There’s never been any issues. We have an agreement that we can have open access to the phone at any point. Free access with a sensible agreement works for us.

At DDs school the kids without smartphones because of parental refusal were usually handed someone's parent's old one....I would still be told by their parents at school functions that they had stood firm and refused to allow their child social media or a smart phone....

And it gives me the rage when teachers get their classes to do research/presentations on their phones in class. What about the 3 kids in class without a smart phone?

Students do presentations in groups. They work together to combine research from different places e.g. textbooks, additional material, photocopies, websites and so on. They don't all sit silently individually staring into their phone for 60 minutes. They share and collaborate with their friends/groups. Give me some credit that I know how to do my job please.

How did teachers manage to teach 10 years ago when no kid had a smart phone.

By not using them. In the same way that teachers have also taught in the past without using:

Whiteboards
Blackboards
Textbooks
Cassette tapes
CD players
IWBs
Computers
Pens
Paper
Rulers
Calculators
Desks

Humans have been teaching and learning since before we were sentient. However that doesn't mean that choosing not to use an available tool today because "We didn't have it when we were kids" is a good idea. Smartphones give children access to the sum total of human knowledge, at their fingertips, in real time. I think it's criminal to tell them that their phone has no practical use beyond the social.

A good teacher uses every available educational tool in the right way rather than rejecting something out of hand because of their own personal feelings about "What's wrong with kids these days".

With regards to trainers, I grew up in the 90s and wanted nothing more than a pair with those flashing red LEDs in the heel. However when I wanted to chat to my friends I was still able to use the landline phone, or go over to their houses, even though I didn't have flashing shoes. I got made fun of for buying all of my clothes in charity shops, but I wasn't excluded from communication avenues within the group, which is what you do by voluntarily banning your child from having a phone with app capabilities.

However that doesn't mean that choosing not to use an available tool today because "We didn't have it when we were kids" is a good idea.
I wonder why so many people complain that teachers are patronising. .?
I haven't banned smart phones personally -my son already has aspects of his life that make him feel different to his friends, he doesn't need another one, but I also think there is a massive difference in the way schools think kids use their smart phones (in class and in school) and what teens actually tell me.
There's also a middle ground between 11 year olds being on Instagram ( which I am never going to think is ok) and total social exclusion.
My point about the trainers is that kids without Adidas or Nike were mocked for being "poor" which is what happens in school when they have "shit" phones.
And yes it's very useful to be able to book ticjets/taxis/ look stuff up with a mobile device. I sometimes wonder how many would know how to find stuff out if their phone died. Actually, I know-they can't!
I am no technophobe. I was a very early adopter of social media (before it was actually called that!) and think children need to be informed about tech, but they DON'T need 400 quid phones, they don't need to spend all their time taking pictures of themselves to publish online and they really don't need to be on their phones in school. I'm never going to agree with that.

Oh , and if I did refuse my child a smart phone and another parent "passed one on" to him I would unleash holy Hell on them! How dare any parent undermine another? ?
Having an i phone isn't a human right ffs.

DD has a dumb phone. She's in year 6. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting her walk to and from school without one.

I'd say hold firm for now. Be prepared to allow basic phone when child starts to go for journeys on their own. (argument that we didn't have phones when we were 11 and got to from school ok) is not equal because when I was going to school I passed at least 3 public telephone boxes, I think only one is still in place. If by the time your child gets to secondary, it becomes run of the mill normal for teachers to get students to use a smart phone in class, then be prepared to compromise unless you want your child to stick out from their peers on account of YOUR principles.

*TheHollowLeggedGoat

Not having equipment to easily access instagram / snapchat etc puts a teenager at a huge social disadvantage.*

I'm sorry but that is an absolute load of rubbish.

If my child was at a social disadvantage for not having a smart phone, she would need to make new friends that actually live in the real world and outside of their social media bubble.

My partner has a 12 year old sister and her Instagram activity is really worrying!!! My daughter can hate me all she wants... She's not having a phone until she's finished year 11.

I'd rather homeschool my daughter than put her in a school that encouraged her to have a smart phone!!!

Using a touch screen will be a vital skill in the workplace. Also, many secondary schools post homework online, how will your DD access it?

I was driven to and from secondary school.

@PhilomenaButterfly if that question was for me.. She would use a home computer to get homework posted online.

(she's not even in school yet though thank god)

I feel really sorry for the kids whose parents forbid them from having a smart phone until they're almost grown up.

I remember growing up not being allowed to watch TV, buy magazines or use the telephone for anything unless I had sought permission and had a valid reason and I remember how isolated it made me feel. I was totally left out of all of the conversations about popular culture.

I think it is like this for the kids whose parents forbid them from having a smart phone nowadays. The parents lay down the law and feel all holier than thou like they are doing their DC some huge favour by letting them enjoy the 'real world' or some other such justification but they don't have to live with the consequences of their absolute rule, the poor bloody child does.

I don't think pupils should be using their phones in the classroom or even in the playground and my own DC have always been really responsible (with encouragement) about leaving their phones in the kitchen while they do their homework. They have full and active social lives, do sports, do the DofE and all the other non-social media related activities that you'd want your kids to do, but they also can chat about the all the social media stuff too, not to mention use if for Ubers, facetiming me, fact checking etc and they are not isolated and left out of a what is part of every day life nowadays.

Yes, but they tend to use an app. And she'll really need to get comfortable with a touch screen, as I said.

I'm amused to see that all the people saying "teens shouldn't have smart phones" and "teens live in a SM bubble" don't actually have real live teens of their own yet

You don't need to feel sorry for my child.

I don't remember any of the TV I watched or the time spent on MSN or the texts or phone calls when I was a teenager.

My memories are of the time spent with my friends out and about, talking to them face to face.. Not back home on the computer. I don't remember any of those conversations.

@BitOutOfPractice no I don't have a teen but I know enough through family.