Has anyone not let their teenager get a smart phone

[jttf]

Hi,

Has anyone held firm and not let their teenager get a smart phone?

I'm a teacher and we've banned them completely from site and it has made the children happier, friendlier and better behaved.

With my little one fast approaching the age when she'll start demanding a phone, I'm very tempted to put my foot down and say no. I'm not your friend, I'm your parent and I think this is better for you.

Has anyone held out and been successful?

I do think phones/screens/tech has hindered my DDs education. It does depend on DCs personality.

I had a ban on gadgets upstairs until they had both finished GCSEs, it was essential they got enough sleep and I could see their mates snap chatting at 3am. It wasn't easy to enforce and would have been far easier to just say fuck it, do what you want.

I relaxed this after exams, thinking they were 16, need to self regulate etc. It worked for one, the other is regularly on screens until 2/3 am and her A levels are suffering.

It's very hard.

But BigSandy, she'll need to learn to self-regulate, because you won't always be there to do it for her. I've no idea what the solution is. Mine are just in the habit of devices staying in our room overnight. They both decided that was where they lived.

YeTalk, thanks, yeah, that was what my gut was telling me. Right, I'm texting her now.

You’re doing the right thing, god knows who could find him with that information online. I’m glad you’re telling her.

Thanks. 😊

That makes no sense jan. A smartphone without an SD, sim or contract is just an expensive paperweight. Why would any child want that? What would they even do with it?

I have major concerns about bullying following children home. Devices make this easy.

You can access facebook instagram snapchat and facebook messaging without a sim on any wifi network. You can also put your existing sim in a smartphone when you want to use it as a phone, if it fits.

(You can do it from an ipod as well. It doesnt need to be a phone)

The parents lay down the law and feel all holier than thou like they are doing their DC some huge favour by letting them enjoy the 'real world' or some other such justification but they don't have to live with the consequences of their absolute rule, the poor bloody child does.

Also
The"real world" is different now. The real world includes technology and someone who can't access that "real world" is being excluded. Why would any parent deliberately make their child "different" to others and possibly be subjected to bullying? I like the knife analogy above. You teach them how to use the knife safely and supervise, rather than never letting them have access to the kitchen.

Because we all know that banning things works really well with teenagers.
I know a girl from my school who was banned from makeup, earrings, high heels and alcohol for her own good. She was not allowed out past 9pm and she was not allowed to go "down town" with her mates or to parties- only around to friends houses. Her parents put their feet down. Do you know what? At 18 she had a massive rebellion. She left home, cut her hair short, had her ears pierced multiple times, got covered with tattoos and partied like a rock star.
My 11 year old and my 15 year old both have phones. Not iPhones, cheap Androids.
The primary school child leaves her phone turned off in the "phone box" in class and retrieves it at the end of the day.
The secondary school child has her phone on silent all day in her bag, as them is the school rules. At break she uses it a bit, but mostly nabbering to her mates face-to-face and using phones to take silly photos and videos of each other. She has her phone in her room, but switches it off past 11pm, because she likes her kip. The school has an anonymous bullying webform for students to report and upload screenshots. It's very effective.

My dd nearly 14 has an iphone however she has safari switched of and can’t download any apps unless I agree. On family sharing I get a message in my phone to agree. She has no social media not even what’s app.
She uses Netflix and prime which is set at 12 without password. Also she has spotify and games with in app purchases switched off. She also uses the camera/video.
I find it works really well as a compromise.

I have an 11 year old who has just started senior school ... we got him an android phone and a cheap SIM only deal which gives him enough data to use WhatsApp (homework groups) and also for me to be able to see from Life360 that he has got to school (he goes on the train and walks across town) and when he leaves school. We agreed with him that he can't have any other social media till he's older and agreed with him that we have open access to his phone and all apps. (In fact we are using the android family thing which means he can't put anything on his phone without our approval!). Smart phones are part of our lives and kids need to know how to use them as a tool and not be ruled by them ... we need to work with them to teach them. So no phones upstairs, no phones when there are real humans around to talk to, no phones during meals ... and that goes for our entire family!

The main thing is this:
Teenager can tell me if she's staying late at school. She can tell me if she missed the bus and will be late. She can message her mates and tell them she's on her way. I even asked her to take a photo of where she was when she got lost on the way to a friend. 11 year old knows that she can contact us if there is an emergency on the way to and from school.
They can both text their friends (in groups approved by me).
The younger one does not auhave the phone when she gets home, as she has no self-control. She earns it, by doing her homework, chores and music practice. Older one can self-regulate with her phone. I trust her, and I think that's really important.

Has anyone held firm and not let their teenager get a smart phone?

Held firm? Surely that only applies to your personal opinion.

I didn't hold firm, but I didn't cave in either. I decided my DC could have phoned when I deemed them ready. I don't consider that to be a sign of weakness against someone else's opinion though.

I did consider this for when DD reaches high school but someone pointed out to me it's better to have a relationship where you can talk and agree boundaries etc than simply ban tech.

I've just remembered- DD1's friend broke her phone last year and her parents refused to replace it. The upshot was this:
She didn't get picked by her classmates for homework project groups because she could not easily collaborate online.
She got forgotten to be invited to one birthday party and one social gathering, so she started to get socially excluded because teenagers are thoughtless and forgot to phone her landline or email her. This started to extend to at school, as people had been holding conversations online and she was "out of the loop".
The girl eventually got a phone for Christmas when parents realised that she was withdrawn and didn't go out.
That is teenage reality now, I'm afraid. You think it will be wonderful tech-free heaven, but your child will resent you for disconnecting them from their peers.

Love the way we haven’t actually had any responses from parents whose teenagers haven’t had a smartphone- only from those parents whose kids are smaller and won’t be letting them have one

My secondary school going kids have their bus passes on their phones.

Very little data and they always switch off mobile data to save it and will make use of free WiFi when out

Restricted screen time

High school kids "text" via Snapchat or Insta and sometimes. Traditional texting is rare

School has a strict phone mustn't be heard or seen policy.

Ineffective parenting is the issue not the phones themselves

When mine were little I felt exactly the same.

My 12 year old has an iPhone. We put our dds happiness and social integration above our principles. Good luck if you can enforce this without irreparably trashing your relationship. You might be ok if your child is not particularly social, our neighbours dd has no friends and is therefore not bothered.

Every single one of dds friends communicate this way. She is a nice reasonable kid. We said no. She wrote us letters she cried. The last straw was finding her quietly weeping in her room saying she was feeling so left out as she couldn't communicate. We caved, we are strict with it, she is happy. If you can persuade your kids friends parents to hold firm too that might work.