I am not really happy about one of ds's friendships...but I don't want to be too precious about it...

[fillyjonk]

I feel so bloody precious posting that but...I need some perspective

he is nearly 4, he is friends with a nearly 5 yo girl who lives in the next road but the way the houses are arranged it means its easy for them to play together IYKWIM.

he is very friendly, talk to anyone sort.

She seems to be a going through an odd phase. She will invite him over, then make him go home. She'll lend him a toy then ask for it back and say, "oh I didn't mean you could borrow it,", then laugh. Or she'll tell him he should come over and then she'll say "oh no you can't come over tommorrow, what were you thinking? i have x over and I like x more than you".

Its not upsetting him yet, he's riding with it, but I dunno, my motherly hackles are up at this.

He does have plenty of other friends, but I don't want to be stopping him playing with kids unless I really have to. I ALWAYS said I wouldn't do such a thing.

so. Am I being overprotective? Is this just a daft phase she is going through? Should I get over myself?

Don't think the mother is likely to percieve a problem here, tbh. Am not really willing to talk to her, it wouldn't be productive (oh loooong story)

Thoughts?

Not overprotective IMO to feel this way but don't know what you can do

ds is currently playing with the male version (well slightly different situation but still) and it DOES often upset him

I try to just keep an ear out and then talk it over afterwards and discuss what happened, what ds could have said etc

I suppose being objective, learning about how to get on with people even when they are being awkward is a good skill

yes that is my reasoning

i also suspect that I am annoyed by what i am seeing as rather manipulative behaviour

but HE doesn't notice, so its probably ok

but then it might NOT be. It might be going in...

aaargh

Yes is good skill AND 5 yo girls are notorious at this in my experience. I have one and she's heaven, but still has her 'you can't use thaaat peeen becaauuuuse you've nooot got piiink socks on.'

Is phase. Most unattractive one, that the worst probably don't grow out of until about 38. If he's not upset then I wouldn't worry too much. DS1 was a target for such girls and he put up with it for a bit and then said 'you know what, she's a bit bossy, I don't want to play with her anymore' and he stopped and she went off looking for other prey.

Keep going until the 'bossy' thing comes up, I think.

I'd feel the same as you do (not to mention the fact that I feel humiliated when ds is being horrible to someone else) but yes, I don't think there's much you can do, other than discussing the situation with your son...

ah yes, bossy, thats a better word

she has been like this since starting school, really (not saying they are related)

i suspect i have unresolved ishoos here and am projecting them.

Ds has several friends like this

I am having to take the view that it is good for his coping skills

but you know when he ends up marrying a woman who treats him this way because it is what feels normal to him, I will have to hang myself, obviously

I did some gardening today ahundred... what's the matter with me?

i am also feeling a little concerned that ds may be some sort of easy target.

he just wants to be friends with people

he likes her because she owns many pink fluffy things.

aaargh

But then you could turn into evil motherinlaw without qualms

It is infuriating watching your children being treated meanly or unfairly but I wouldn't get involved if your son's happy enough, other than just being aware what's going on.

When it gets to fall-out, blow-out stage then I step in for chats but try extremely hard never to show my own irritation with other child's behaviour.

well filly, it might be a coincidence, but I think ds became bossier since he started school

Thing is filly, ds's of that age LIKE being bossed about by them, and the dd's are off on little power trips that go right over the boys heads usually. Then something happens and he thinks, jeez she's high maintenance, and they give up. Is all very normal. He doesn't mind so you don't need to.

Reception cloakroom 2 years ago:

5Yo little madam on power trip to ds2: You've put your coat on the floor. You can't do that. You've got to hang it up. That's your peg, there, if you don't hang it up then everyone will stand on it and it'll get dirty, won't it ds2's mummy?

Preen. Jump. Skip. Into reception looking for another wrong to right. Anothe boy to correct etc etc etc

Franca - they've got to you, them with their bleeding lovely flowers and trendy tools.
(Actually, I did too! Have most lovely rose bushes in square black pots. Cool gardening I can take)

Oh and I forgot to add the last bit, DS2 looks blank, stands on coat, looks dreamily out the window.

Ds's "friend" has just claimed to have "lost" ds's ball by kicking it really hard so it went over the roof and disappeared

funnily enough when I went out and said I wanted him to find it before I came out again in 2 minutes, it reappeared, having been mysteriously sitting in friend's house

ds completely oblivious

yes that is it exactly, franny

would perhaps be more aaargh if i didn't also have a dd, you are being VERY calm, i must say

see i can take hitting and stuff but this sort of thing upsets me

erm we have had good days and bad days with it

sometimes I feel so depressed and kind of sick in my stomach that I can't protect him from this shit

however looking on the bright side: he is learning resilience, assertiveness, compromise and independence

there are 4 of them out there doing god knows what and for once it doesn't involve weapons. This is about as good as it gets round here.

[ahundred, I tried to rescue a struggling rose, but didn't have a clue about what I was doing]
How comes you know all these people? why is my family the only social outcast on mn?

I'm not sure it gets any better people, unless you've got a alpha male perhaps. I still am struck by stinging cold fear when ds1 (9) says, quite off handedly, 'nobody wanted to it on the bus with me this morning'.

Is that to me? What people?

oof 100x

Actually things are looking up here. Ds is the youngest and they are being really good about letting him join in, and are all making up a ball game together. Plus there are about 4 different colours of children playing together so it looks like something out of Sesame Street

Franca if you mean who is ds playing with, it is just other children in the street

Hurrah. Tell me when Big Bird comes lolloping down the road.

Thing is is much more painful for us than them I think. Your ds franny will fare much better at school because of all this. Is part of life's experiences

yes, your children playing with other children on the street . I'm a bit

100x we are planning to home ed, so especially important to me that he has social experience I suppose

even if he does come in talking about "shooting gunksters"